My parents goofed up.... inputs

IMO, it was intentional. Be careful about your money and ask your husband to avoid visiting them.

 

Girlygirl, different people on IL have different ways of answering. Some give detail-driven replies, specific only to the situation. Some try to fan the flames and encourage the OP to feel aggrieved, give back, take revenge, make something an issue. Others may encourage the OP to consider it from a different perspective, and try to be the bigger person. Sometimes, I try to look at the big picture, and place our woes in cultural/historical perspectives (especially when the problems in question are recurring).

Personally, I feel there's something to be gained from trying to think deeper and wider, instead of just paddling around on the surface, going in circles. Of course, I understand that not everyone shares my opinion. But I think going "off-road" may be useful, if one is open to it.

 

We need a thread on 'double standards' in advice that we sometimes read here. Recently, a guy was writing about his wife flirting online and some folks here said "It is normal" - I am sure if the genders were reversed it would have been a different story.

Similarly, Like a poster wrote on this thread
"PIL guilty until proven innocent. Parents innocent until proven guilty."

There are clearly two different types of advice and replies provided - depending on gender (and additionally, if it is involving PILs or Parents)

 

Hi OP

Your argument makes sense. But if you argue about your husband driving them to LA and Vegas etc., then they may also argue that didn't they brought you up with food, education, provided you everything in life? They might say they spent so much money marrying you to an educated guy who will be or currently in USA. They will argue to this effect

Now your argument will be as parents its their duty to take care of you. But they might argue the same, that as parents to you and inlaws to your husband, you and husband also have your duties to drive them to LA and Vegas when they come to USA.

I would say just let it go. I think you are thinking about this too much. Just tell them that you are not happy the way he was treated and end this. You don't want this to ruin your relationship with them.

We will never know if your parents did that intentionally and if your husband really was ok with the rasam and rice or with whatever he ate. so we need to give the benefit of doubt to the parents as well as the husband.

 

I meant "Not many married women who have issues and problems with husband and who don't like their husbands" will do that.

 

Ragini - Welcome to Indus Ladies..

 

In response to google.

My 2 cents.

As with anything else in human relations, I feel there is much clouding of the issue by the history. I have a feeling the true issue is not about a meal with rasam and curd. Anyway what is wrong with rasam and curd?

It appears like the OP herself does not believe that her mother infact forgot about the meal preferences of her husband. So in her opinion the MIL served the way she did deliberately. I for one find it hard to believe.

The reason? Being a male I feel / my experience has been 'BhoJeyShu MaTHa' (literally meaning 'when it comes to serving food, no one surpasses mother' ). My take on this is, any lady when she serves food whether to her son / daugher, husband, any family member, or a stranger takes on the role of mother. Even if the In Laws had some issues with the Son in Law I don't believe they would take the meal as a means of getting back to him!

The OP should know if in fact her mother is of such mean nature that she would try to insult her son in law in this way. Anyway her husband being there at that time would be the best judge.

I personally feel the mother forgot and made a mistake and believe me there would be no one more hurt by what happened then herself!

My advise to the OP would be to address the underlying issues and not harp upon this one meal!

 

google,I understand your mom goofed up!But I think you are not totally fault free either.You know the nature of your mom and your H so you should have just told her in advance regarding preferences.Maybe she genuinely forgot or maybe it was a case of carelessness.And I think in such a situation you have to consider the feelings of both parties.Appreciate your mom and then gently let her know that your H does not eat chicken so that she does not repeat the same mistake again.
I don't agree giving royal treatment to husbands when we don't expect such treatments from our Mils.And I think your H is wrong if he made it a big issue and told this matter to his folks too.If you were in his place would you tell your parents mil served me this and make it a big issue?You would just suck it up right?Why can't men adjust and take a little crappy food for lunch from his Il's when their wife takes crap from his parents a lifetime?

 

OP,
there's another angle to it....
Probably your mom felt she makes best chicken... chicken has N advantages over sea food.. which her entire family and daughter loves..... so once her SnIL eats chicken made by her (she might have assumed that he never ate GOOD chicken to develop taste) , he may start relishing it.

Maybe she was trying to develop his taste buds so that you're not forced to cook different non-veg ... a favour to you and extreme optimism about her culinary skills.... a behaviour seen in late 50s and 60s and beyond... don't our MILs do it... to develop our taste buds.... so that neither they nor their son suffer in later ages?