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My parents goofed up.... inputs

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by google, Feb 26, 2013.

  1. thegirlygirl

    thegirlygirl Platinum IL'ite

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    decentguy,

    every indian woman expects her hubby to be treated like a king by her folks, its very common.

    and if its about taking him as their own son, i don't think any mom would male chicken which the son doesn't like and just rasam curd rice.
    she would make many more things. its not about being formal but about showring your love on him.
     
  2. thegirlygirl

    thegirlygirl Platinum IL'ite

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    don't do that dear, that will just allow them to paste you both in bad light, on the other hand if you just ask your hubby not to go there for any meals they will feel guilty and realise their mistakes.
     
  3. sabarimathi

    sabarimathi Gold IL'ite

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    Google,

    I don't think you're wrong in your expectations, but the point is is your judgement balanced?
    You had been a wonderful host [ if you would like to call yourself so] to your parents. According to me, your parents have been a wonderful host to your dh. An ostentatious display of food devoid of love is as good as.... While you were able to appreciate and respect your dh's feeling , were you as accommodative of your mom's feelings. If my mom had done something similar, I would have first thanked her, but never ever would have pointed fingers at her. I would have endorsed my dhl's feelings as well, and left it at that. Unnecessarily mediating between dh and parents will only invite unwanted rift.

    Your MIL might have been the most wonderful host you have ever seen. Invite her to be your guest and you 'll know what 'parents' mean?
     
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  4. sweetshreya

    sweetshreya IL Hall of Fame

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    Take a minute to think..... Is your mom like this to all her guests or did she do it only to your husband? How is she, when, say your uncle arrives for a lunch? Does she cook according to his preference, taste? Does she plan elaborately on what to make? Or does she just goes ahead and cooks what she was anyway thinking of cooking that day?

    There are some women who are very simple in their approach when it comes to hosting. I have a friend here who feeds the same sort of meal to us or everyone, whether she invited us or whether we went to her place unexpectedly when they were having dinner. Is your mom like that? If so, she is not much to blame. Maybe she just don't use food as a way of showering love or show emotions. If so, I'm sure Ansuya will love to meet her :)
     
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  5. sweetshreya

    sweetshreya IL Hall of Fame

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    Do they suck at hosting every guests or just the few whom they don't like?
     
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  6. google

    google Bronze IL'ite

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    Actually to think of it, she does make a good host because usually its people who eat meat, or dont eat meat.

    My husband is the only odd one out in the family who eats seafood but not chicken and mutton. In the past some friends have goofed up and my husband has ended up eating just dal and pickle. but thats friends. this is my parents. how can they forget what my husband eats ? We are married for 10 years now. he has been the same from day 1.

    She keeps saying she forgot and she thought he will eat the korma and not the chicken piece etc... its not acceptable. i feel if she was unsure she should have called me or made a good veg meal instead of venturing into unknown territory. its not like my husband dropped in last min. They knew 2 weeks in advance that he will come for lunch or dinner.
     
  7. prettydevil

    prettydevil Platinum IL'ite

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    so your DH was served chicken that was not accpetable to you, but your mom due to her elderly age keeps forgetting stuff, is acceptable to you?

    2 weeks notice was enough I guess, for you too as well to remind them of your DH's fav dishes. Why such formality with your own parents that they should remember instead of you reminding them
     
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  8. sabarimathi

    sabarimathi Gold IL'ite

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    True, he 's the same, but your parents have been aging and even a small chore is a herculean task for them. Accept other's shortcomings as well,so you can also age gracefully.

    Do you have kids?
     
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  9. google

    google Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi
    I have a kid. Its not about their forgetfulness, they are in mid 50s and they are fine. Its the carelessness of having to put that extra work. Its not like my husband is sitting in their house and eating everyday, its ONE meal. Is that too much to ask after all that my husband has done for them.

    they live in big city, have servants, car etc. If they cant make it at least buying something in a restaurant would have sufficed.

    I will try to let it go, but its a lesson for me surely. If i want things perfect i need to butt in make it perfect.
     
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  10. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Google...
    Next time..change the title of the thread to PIL goofed up. Replace ur DH with my parents/ or yourself ...
    The responses will not expect u to defend "Why you feel bad" like a zillion times and will be a lot more empathetic!
    My :my2cents
     
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