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My parents goofed up.... inputs

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by google, Feb 26, 2013.

  1. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    We have no evidence for this, mere suspicion.

    Whatever the root of her failing, again, the story is a story, only because 'jhoota' food is just not done. Sabari could have offered Rama the sweet & sour berry combo. The point of the story is the contrast between the trivial and the true.

    Not just intent. There are degrees of moral transgression as distinct from transgression in manners. These two lapses are simply not comparable. Coveting another man's wife is a failure of Dharma, it invites Karmic reprisal. It is not a mere 'deviation from the norm'.

    This seems like an assumption to me.

    My point is that even if they goofed up on the menu, there is absolutely no right to be annoyed. Even though I may not achieve it, I would aspire to be a better man than that & I would wish the same for OP's husband.
     
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  2. bubai

    bubai Gold IL'ite

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    I have a question to ask you here- How is the money taken by your dad related to the food fed by them to your husband? So you think that your husband has done a great favor by giving some money to your parents? If so, why? A son can buy stuff and send money to his parents as and when he wants but a daughter can't do it, haan? And if she does it, then, her husband needs to be treated like a king. I am not trying to be a feminist here but I feel that it is because of women like you that we still have gender discrimination in India. Grow up! It does not matter whether you are working or not. The money that comes home belongs to both husband and wife and if parents (from either side) need it, then they need to help their old parents. I don't know about the amount here...but if it is a reasonable amount then, I think it is perfectly OK to help our old parents.

    Talk to your husband and ask him to grow up. Tell him that he should be happy that your mom cooked something for him. I am sure it was not deliberate. If your husband still complains about it, then ignore....If your in-laws talk about it, look into their eyes and say nothing and just walk away. Your parents haven't done any sin. Mostly my MIL calls on our landline and if we don't pick up the phone, then she calls my husband's cell phone. She knows her son's cell phone number. When she comes to stay with us for few months every year, she mostly cooks what her son likes. I don't feel bad at all. Food should be the last thing in our head. My mom calls me mostly on my cell phone but she always calls my husband on his birthday (she calls on his phone). She takes his number from me and calls him back. My husband knows about it. What is a big deal about these mundane things?

    Frankly speaking, I think we should be ashamed of ourselves....We actually belittle ourselves talking about these trivial matters. Grow up and ask your husband to grow up too. There are many important things to do apart from thinking what the in-laws fed us.

    Best,
    --Bubai
     
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  3. bubai

    bubai Gold IL'ite

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    I know I am married to a man who will never complain what my mom fed him but if that happens, I will be really sad and I will talk to him.
     
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  4. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Oh God... What an issue??????

    First of all, I was surprised to see the menu for hosting a guest, that too SNIL. Just a Chicken gravy and Rasam. This looks like our regular, usual, daily menu and nothing special for the guest, that too when there was a doubt of his preferences to meat.

    Second of all, I was upset to read Google's husband's comment about the meal, although he was equally upset with that simplest meal. He could have simply ignored this, and had some of his preferred meal outside and moved on, instead of letting his wife (in US) know the issue. After all, they didn't offer him just rasam and curd, but chicken too. Unfortunately it was not his preferred dish. That's all.

    My husband is allergic to egg plant, so I never cook that in our home. My mom is with us for the last couple of years (to help with the baby), and many times she unknowingly end up cooking (that too with different styles as per my husband's taste) egg plant curry. It is definitely not to hurt him or any bitterness of that sort. It is because of her poor memory or something that she is unable to consider as a matter of importance. She is being careless. But my husband has never taken it as an issue, nor do I. Rather, I keep on reminding her not to waste her energy, and time in preparing something for her SNIL which he would never taste it.

    Google should have just reminded her mom about her husband's likes and dislikes prior to the lunch to avoid such misunderstandings.
     
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  5. bubai

    bubai Gold IL'ite

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    Sokanasanah has put it in a really nice way-We should aspire to be better people than that. I also want to add to this- We should age gracefully. If a grown up man is complianing about such a small thing, then what is he going to teach his kids? We should behave according to our age.
     
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  6. TheSahil

    TheSahil Gold IL'ite

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    Do you feel bad with people who 'unintentionally' serve you something you don't eat? Come on! It was just a meal. I'm sure your husband liked it, you are thinking too much!
     
  7. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    OP I guess you fed your mother with a lot of stories ... your husband does thats not of your choice.
    She simply displayed her motherly love for you..........
    For quite a few parents.. if their daughter is not a priority for their SnIL... they exhibit the same.

    When things are already bad.... maybe they don't want him to re-visit... if they know that he's been hurting you regularly for whatever reason.

    For rest.. its just inflexibility... I have only chicken , rice and rasam powder at home, am old, my husband is not gng out to get anything and am really not v happy with you SnIL... here u go... I give a damn to what you like.

    Regarding the money given.. not sure why your parents are unable to re-pay... what are their intentions on this? Is the financial situation really bad.. which had to be displayed via menu?
     
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  8. plantscantalk

    plantscantalk Gold IL'ite

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    The point of the story is to emphasize the vAtsalya bhAva which Shri Shabari feels towards the lord Rama.

    She lives and relives, for so many years, the scenario of the lord walking into the ashram that every waking moment of Her life seems to be geared towards making His visit comfortable. And that starts with removing the overhanging thorny creepers, keeping the path clean and free of pebbles which She thinks might hurt His lotus feet, and then onto finding a suitable place for Him to sit, food to be served. She could have been the good hostess, taken the easy way out and have plonked down a bowl full of sweet and sour berries and have expected the Lord to pick out the sweet ones. Yet She sees Him as Her child and throws all the rules to the wind. Her motherly instinct comes to the fore and makes Her do the undoable: taste the berries and keep the sweet ones for Her child.

    It's a brilliant tribute to motherhood and bhakti bhava. It also emphasizes that there is No difference between the lord and a devotee like Shri Shabari as He accepts the food tasted by Her. Usually, the naivedyam is prepared for the Lord and only then that is taken as prasadam.
    However when the devotee has a vAtsalya bhAva towards the Lord, all rules are put on the backburner.
     
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  9. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

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    Just wondering how many times have we talked about adult kids taking care of their parents. How many times we have emphasized that we feel very very strongly about it? What ever happened to those strong feelings?
    Why is nobody talking about old age? Right of parents to be taken care of by their kids, to be fed by them?:?:
     
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  10. swt.charu

    swt.charu Platinum IL'ite

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    I wonder where is the "mother- daughter" bond here ? I mean isn't it simple for the daughter to call up mom and say "mom.. your SNIL is visiting ..and you know very well how he is and how his people are... please ensure you make this, this and this .. and for heaven's sake don't make this, this and this... "
    (I am assuming the daughter to be sensible enough to gauge her mother's health and support systems and make her demands)

    I find this method simple to operate and works really well....

    I will never ever in my life ponder "why my mother goofed up"..... if it all this can be called a goof up I would curse myself saying "Gosh !! I goofed up... should have talked to mom about it and fixed the menu"

    and what in heaven's name has this got to do with the money your parents have borrowed? I clearly see a corrupt mind here... have you ever kept count of the money your parents have spent on you and what all you should be doing to them in return.... forget the money... can you ever put a value to the love and affection they have given you...you should have never lent them any money if at all you had ideas of relating the money and SNIL's visit and the menu on the auspecious day...

    I agree with Soka... where is the generosity on the part of guest gone?? here I have a guest who first of all says... I din't get what I like and adds salt to the injury by saying "in spite of lending XXXX amount of money to the host ???"
     
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