My mom's problem with my SIL

When I mentioned to one of the posters about my DD getting hurt when FIL took her out, she replied how did I take it quietly.. if she were me then she would have banged FIL's head into the wall.

Do we really mean what we say or think about aggression on this forum?

I dont understand that when people really want to live together then why dont they hire servants... atleast in India and not label themselves or others as a maid.......... these days a lot of maids dont want to work in homes for senior members cos they finally do a lot of kich kich & count pennies & every micro second the help is sitting... now even if maids cant tolerate these days why's it expected of a DIL, just becos she's married to her son, wont her quality of life matter?

Can OP pls tell how was it when she was living in her own mom's house was she allowed to cook and was her food taken by all? Many ladies cant tolerate anyone in kitchen.. including my mom and MIL, however I can & I got a 4 burner so that 2 are for her and 2 for me. Still they would say you do your cooking then we'll come.. when the cooking is finally for all the members.. why is it your cooking or mine.

 

I too agree with all above said. If your mum is not stepping a hard foot, then you should take one for her. SOrry to use such words but why is your bro becoming a joru ka ghulaam. Yes there are cases where MIL are wrong and take advantage but who says it cant be other way round. ANd if soon a step is not taken politely and things are not improved, this mental stress and age factor will soon add on your mother and will take its toll. ANd once your SIL gets pregnant, she might throw more tantrums and once the kid arrives, she would leave all to your mum, then how will she manage. Something should be done before you run out of time.

He is your brother after all...just remind him of your blessed childhood and indirectly at first put forth her that you feel bad about your mom and how you behave being a DIL. AT first place dont let him feel that mom shared all this with you...try at your end and help him regain his consciousness.

Yes your mom will have to be bit selfish...like some others said...take a weekend off by saying that she's not well or something...and if you are in same town you can visit her that very weekend and if there's no home cooked food...make it a point to ask before your brother that in such a state too will mom have to cook for herself...try the emotional play first else sit and talk and yes your mom will need to be selfish...why dont you make her read all these posts to make her feel what she is missing at and how so many ladies feel its wrong

The place where we stay our landlords above are taking care of their DD's son since last 7 mths...during all this while we have never seen their DD visit or take her son and they say this is how it is. SHe is in IT so by turns for 6 mths they and her in laws take care of her son. OMG !!! what did she give birth to the child for???? At this age, having completed all her responsibilties...your mom deserves to play with her grandchildren ....not just baby sit and bring them up for her son and DIL.

Dr.Supriya.

 

It is definitely not wrong to expect DIL to help in household chores.. It is also not wrong to expect daughter and sons to do their share of work in the house.. There need not be any double standards set for son and daughter.. Because you have to do your bit when you are living in that house..

It is very clear that son and DIL are using her.. In my previous post, i did mention that they should live separately so that they can learn their responsibilities.. DILs attitude is attrocious towards her MIL.. To my surprise even the son is conviniently choosing to turn a blind eye on allthat.. So it would be best to stay separate..

My point was 'Son is favouring his wife'.. That is unfair.. Mother is choosing to overlook the son's attrocities in the name of tradition.. There is no doubt that DIL lacks a heart for her MIL..

I do appreciate and understand your point as well..

 

The OP should realise that her brother and SIL are simply taking things for granted. And I read the post of OP again. Two eggs for three people, that is ridiculous!mg:

 

Coming to think of it, if I were your mom, I would have been like "What the hell! Where's my egg?!"

Is your mom so desperate to live with your brother that she will tolerate being taken advantage of? Is the joint family system really so enthralling that she will accept being treated like a servant? :idontgetit:

 

Post meopause .. no eggs.. :crazy
Jokes apart only 2 people can do it:
1) who got it themselves & are all set to give back .. TIT for TAT
(If my MIL has to buy something she thinks of only about herself & her son & also mentiones the 2nd one is for my son). If FIL gets, he counts for all members, so some people count and get and some get it countless :hiya..
2) who dont want you to be in that house.

 

Hello,
This is one side story, let us hear what your SIL and your brother has to say about it.
In this world every problem has a solution.
If it was you in your SIL's place will your mum complain?
Your SIL , may be a little immatured and perhaps she has got a wrong advise from her friends or parents.
Let your Amma talk it over to her in a positive angle instead of complaining.
Staying seperatly would be a wrong move. You are far away and naturally when she falls sick she will have to depend on her son.so why spoil that relation.

I feel it is very small issue and can be solved once your talks it over.
Gita

 

Hi,

I am sorry about your MOM's plight. Many of our ILites have given their views. But the solution can be found only if your mom speaks to your bro and SIL. They may be totally unaware of what is going on in your mom's mind ans she is just bursting it out to you. A polite conversation will help to settle this amicably. Moving out may be one of the options, but I feel that should be done only when your bro and SIL are not ready for any kind of compramise.

 

If people cannot run their own homes, they should not get married.

 

This is a problem with your brother too, not just your SIL. He should pitch in as well, just the same as your SIL. Having one less X chromosome and one more Y chromosome doesn't give him a free ride.

Having said that, your mother should just stop cooking for them. If she doesn't want to cook for herself only as that would be weird, living in the same household, she should just start eating out with her money. If your SIL doesn't want to spend money, she will cook or make her husband do it or hire a cook to do it.