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My MIL's good & bad moods

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by meetmeonline, Jun 17, 2014.

  1. meetmeonline

    meetmeonline Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Friends,

    I just now read some article's on venting and letting know how you feel. Even I want to share my thoughts and feeling's but wanted to start a new thread. I will complete 3 yrs of marriage by end of this month. I have earlier posted how things were in past with my-laws. After 3 yrs I know my in-laws better including my MIL. Mine was an arranged marriage. I was impressed that she is a courageous and brave lady. She lost her husband to a road accident at the age of 36. She had three teenager children to take care. Though, she was educated but was not allowed to work. After, loosing FIL, MIL applied for job in same bank where FIL worked, but her FIL means my grand FIL didnt allow. She then took over our family run business and managed it well. By the time I was a DIL, she had managed to expand business and still she runs it. She educated her children, gave them as best education as she could have done.

    I am the eldest DIL. I have one BIL and one SIL. Both got married with 1 yr to our marriage. The problem started surfacing when my SIL was supposed to get married. She vented her anger one day on me over phone, then she vented her anger on my dad and mom. What was the reason? She wanted my dad to adopt the girl whom my BIL wanted to marry. She wanted my Dad to make all expenditure for their marriage and make it in same way as ours. Though she never said it, but her intentions were clear, the day she asked my mom to do this as the girl was not from same caste as ours. My parents refused as my bro was also supposed to get married the same year. She went around all our relatives blaming me and my family. But, her intentions was baseless. After all who does this? My dad was firm and asked her to prove what was my mistake, and then she had no option but to apologize. Then BIL got married. Things again surfaced. She promptly would praise his wife, making me feel upset. But, I managed to control my emotions. Soon, I realized she loved her second son more. So, she praises his wife. She always want everyone to praise her second son. But, she forgets that I am married to her first son. Though for a mother, all her DIL's should be equal in her eyes. But, that doesn't happen here.

    She would not introduce me to known people if I am not dressed in Saree, but she would not have any problem if BIL's wife comes home in jeans. This is just a silly example of how her views, opinions are biased. Sometimes, I feel why she is so biased. Sometimes, I feel pity for her. She has gone through lots of pain and knowing that I personally do not want her to be in problems again. But, sometimes, her behavior shocks me. I feel she wants to be in problems always, and if you do not report issues then she feels you are very happy without any tension so she needs to direct some sort of issues in your direction. Recently, my DH told me, my MIL wanted me to give half of my wedding jwellery to BIL's wife. My question was why?? Was that the reason she wanted my parents to adopt that girl?? But, did I ask BIL to love that girl, and wish to marry her? One day she was a DIL, but did she gave her jwellery to her SIL's, if not then why me?? Does she think I am dumb and she can easily overpower me??

    Among, all these issues, one day I directly told my MIL that she is partial, and I do not wish to talk to her. Because it does not make any sense. She complained to my dad and got equal reply. Since, then her complain's have reduced, she do not call me and I do not call her. We talk very rarely only when there is some urgency. Yes, my DH talks to her everyday. And I do not stop him, after all she is his mother. MIL forgets that when she wants me to be in pain, it will directly affect her own son. If a girl is one between two families, so is a boy after marries. I do not say MIL's should not object to anything that they feel is not right, but should they have unreasonable demands?? She has no complains for BIL's wife, because BIL loves her. But, my dear MIL forgets, even though ours is an arranged marriage, we both equally love each other. Yes, our love has started after marriage and is just 3 yrs old, but that does not mean she can manipulate things.

    I also do not understand why she wants me to give away my jwellery to BIL's wife, just because her family did not give her as much as I got, but this is not right way to equalize things. They had love marriage, and her family did not wish to spend more on her, so what can I do? Am I or my family supposed to get punished for this. If she has less why she wishes to take from me, she is working and why don't she plan to save and fund for her own jwellery. We all are working, we all have money, if someone feels they have less, they should them self be more disciplined to either boost their income or save prudently. If I give my jwellery and still manage to save more or generate more wealth,then what??? Do I need to share what ever extra I do. Well, I have given up some luxury to save that extra, it does not come free to me. I wish someday, I could say all this to my MIl and make her realize where is problem. Is it with me or is it with BIL and his family... Just want to pray to god that he gives me that patience, right tone, right way to explain things. I hope she then understands... at least my point of view.

    Thanks for going through long para that came out of my heart ...
     
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  2. gauridinesh

    gauridinesh Platinum IL'ite

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    Your anger is justified. You are in no way responsible for 'equalizing' thing between you and your co-sis. Very unfair of your MIL to expect it from you too.
    Its good that your dad has been strong and did not buckle under pressure.Stand up for yourself. Dont buckle.
     
  3. cinderella06

    cinderella06 Platinum IL'ite

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    I can't understand why you and and your family is dragged into this problem. Your BIL had a love marriage. Here why your father have to adopt a stranger girl at this age. It sounds so ridiculous. Where is the girls parents. Did your in-laws family members support this.
    You have very right to ignore her behavior. Don't feel for her partial acts.
     
    sindmani and meetmeonline like this.
  4. kanthtx

    kanthtx Gold IL'ite

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    u shud stick to ur ground and I like the way u have told ur MIL that she is biased directly to her.. hats off to that..

    it is not ur responsibility to give ur jewellery to some one else.. they have to earn themselves..
     
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  5. beingloved

    beingloved Gold IL'ite

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    Just keep your opinion intact and handle things in a mature way..
     
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  6. meetmeonline

    meetmeonline Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks all of you,

    I am intact in my decision. My MIL just want BIL and co-sis o have all privilege that I and my husband get. Co-sis comes from a lower middle class family and she lost her dad when she was born. Her mom took up job and educated all her, made her eligible enough to earn and stand in her feet. They cannot afford all that my family can, but its not at all fare that for this reason my parent have to adopt her and pay for her wedding. True its not justified, but yes as a mother my MIL wishes BIL also gets similar things like my husband do. As a mother while being so much caring and loving towards her second son, she does not do justification to her eldest son. From my DH I know she has been biased towards BIL after FIL's death. Knowing all this and understanding her concerns I feel pity, but yes when she comes up with unreasonable demands I simply cannot think of what she has gone through and is going through. Another thing I personally feel BIL is jealous of his elder brother and me. But, there is nothing that I can do for his jealousy. He has proven that men are more jealous than women. :) :) :) I laugh at their thinking and attitude. BIL and MIL were in impression that they can easily dominate me, but all their efforts have gone in vain. Their anger is because they could not dominate or get what they wanted from me. I know I have not done anything bad and my family, my lord is with me. I know I might have to struggle this all throughout my life, but yes I am firm in my decision. I wish I could make them sit and listen to me and understand that there is nothing that I can do, they have to help themselves. Nothing comes free, and if they want any help from me, they have to co-operate and stop complaining.

    Thanks all of you.
     
  7. sweetestshweta

    sweetestshweta Gold IL'ite

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    Are you my twin sister Meetmeonline.. Just a few small differences between your story and mine-rest everything looks same..
    I am the younger DIL.My major problem is my MIL and SIL combo.
    Even the jewellery episode was similar..MIL wanted to give mine to SIL.My family is supposed to send gifts for SIL whenever they send to me..
    Your stand is correct.I am glad your parents are supportive of you.Maintain your stand.
    I so much appreciate your words I have marked in bold.I too think the same but who listens??Please let me know if you ever are able to explain all this to them.In my case,I tried and tried but no use..SIL doesn't even work..
    You can go through my posts whenever you have time..
    I really appreciate your balanced and clear mind and also your straight forwardness.
     
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