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my MIL

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by hope2b, Jan 12, 2014.

  1. shobhamumbaikar

    shobhamumbaikar Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Hema,
    its so strange that similar things happened in all our homes.
    My ILs as i have mentioned earlier, left home to be with her DD for more than 2.5 yrs. During this there were many occasions and crises happened at our end. But they never bothered to come inspite of being called repeatedly. So we ended up having my parents over. and naturally we had one or two tours with them around Bombay during their extended stay with us. Now when my ILs are back as my SIL is in abroad nw my MIL will make it a point to mention those very places where we went with my parents and literally weep and complain that her son is being guided by 'outsiders' as to not take his mom to places inspite taking 'strangers' out.
     
  2. Hemasanda

    Hemasanda Silver IL'ite

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    Yes you are right...they won't accept if Dh supports or takes our parents side. fortunately this didn't happened yet in my home. But we feel very bad when our parents were called as strangers and outsiders....onething from experience I came to know that mils are mils only...they can never become mothers, same in case of dils also....Really they were the reason for changing a normal girl to a villi..I am very much surprised that is it me who is talking ill about in laws...I was deppressed to that extent because of them. Now am getting back to normal after reading every woman's problem with inlaws in IL...to keep myself relaxed I'll go through the thread "ways to irritate in laws, who irritates you"..
     
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  3. hope2b

    hope2b Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Hema totally agree with you. MIL can never be a mom and DIL a daughter, except for few lucky ones. Continuing my MIL snippets:

    I have to prepare (or should say I have been trained) breakfast (bf) by the time MIL finishes her Pooja. Typically weekdays they go easy. The night before I get to ask what needs to be made (pre approval process) and I do the nextday. Weekends as H stays home it HAS to be grand. Anyways while making bf I get to walk past our Pooja room every now and then. MIL will tolerate me going once. After that she will slowly close the doors partially indicating I am a hindrance. Well that's fine, right. Now dear H is walking past, MIL is happy to have a chat while doing Pooja. God you know understands her love for her blood. He can wait;) more later....
     
  4. DKI

    DKI Platinum IL'ite

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    When we were newly married, my DH told me that he had an additional week off from work so he would take me around to show me Chennai (I am not from there) since once work started he had no idea what time he would come home every night. So one day he took me out at about 4pm. We were back by 6 (yup.....he was not allowed to stay out past 8!!!). I didn't mind, as I got that time with him. We came home to see her sitting on the floor near the main door sulking...because "DIL is a fortunate girl to have DS take her out. Who does MIL have now in her life" (BTW...FIL is alive)
    Fast forward 15 years...she still sulks. But also refuses to step out of the house and also refuses to stay home alone. Just found out that she has never spent a night alone all her life!!! So because of her, nowadays my FIL can't even attend functions at our hometown because it will always be an overnight trip and she won't travel there either.

    Ah! To have the luxuries of being demanding and troublesome as that. Wish I had attended that class in school :)
     
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  5. hope2b

    hope2b Silver IL'ite

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    Nice DK1. Seems like Mils have this insecurity chip embedded in them. Somehow mine is beyond anyone's imagination.

    We had just moved to a new city and joined ILs to live in with them forever (yes, I found out it the hard way). We were abroad for sometime and i was waiting to meet many of my friends. First weekend, some of my H friends come along to meet us. After all the jokes and cordial talks, we leave them alone. Mil alone with me. She talks about how much fun it was when H friends came when he used to home. How much his friends loved to spend time over their house. Somehow that made me remember my good days and I say, yea I am so waiting to meet my friends and may be few might come soon.

    She immediately says, oh, you know how H (her son) is. He barely talks to people. He doesn't like visitors. That's why even we have not called many relatives, although you know how social we (pils) are. So dont call any friends. He will be uncomfortable.:eek:mg:

    Few months later, we moved to our new own house, mil says you can invite your colleagues. She wanted to show off. I had to say, hmmm, no, I don't have many friends. Anyways I don't want H to feel uncomfortable.
     
  6. sunshine1970

    sunshine1970 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi it took a very very long time for me to realize that MIL and in my case my FIL too are very very jelous of me. I travel a lot for work and they get visibly annoyed when they find out I travel business class, they can't understand why the company would treat me to that. In the beginning I used to tell them about my bonuses, and they would have long faces and not even utter a congratulations. If DH and I have a busy weekend full of social events and movies etc they are sulking and won't talk for days. But you know what ladies I DO NOT CARE. I let them sulk, be jelous, be annoyed and have moved on with my life. I give them no importance and tell them nothing that is going on with my life and my DH is on the same page, they are on a need to know basis only. They are jelous if my child and I spend a fun day out. The only thing I am worried about for you hope2b is that you seem to give in to the jealousy and I did that for years hun but as your cyber sister the best advice I can give you is to stop caring. I used to not go out with my DH for movies, trips etc pass up on promotions at work because I knew they would be mad and treat me bad for days. I only hurt myself. Now instead I go out and enjoy and the thought of them does not come to my mind. You should go our for your walk with your DH and walk as long as you want. Do not let her dictate your life. I think you are a really smart girl for recognizing this jealousy thing cause it took me years, I always thought why would they be jelous of me. NOw i don't care, go ahead and dislike me cause there are 50 other people that love and respect me.!!!!
     
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  7. gauridinesh

    gauridinesh Platinum IL'ite

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    Cyber sister- Hmm. I like that word :)
     
  8. polymorphic

    polymorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    True. If you are true to yourself and be happy, there will be people who look at you with respect. Why sacrifice our happinees for this IL relationship. it takes 2 to make a relationship. both people have to try and respectct each other..
     
  9. Angiee

    Angiee Silver IL'ite

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    Iam laughing like anything here laugh1smileylaugh1smileylaugh1smiley
     
  10. polymorphic

    polymorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    Ha ha. same thing happened to me as well. In our lovely talks when newly married, i told my MIL.. that "how ur son does not like anybody coming home". I was referring to friends and generally he is not very social. My MIL punced on me and started screaming and threatening me -"You should listen to him and i order you to listen to him. If he does not like visitors you should not bring them" . I had no idea she had my folks in mind. BYW, dear MIL , because of ur nature ur own son fears ur visits too.. so should i ask you also to not come? How MILs minds and tongues twist always to their advantage, i have no idea. Mine can turn even genuine words of me seem like poison...she is so toxic.
     

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