My MIL so sweet but always manages to hurt me

Hi all,
I am married for 3 years and still am a college going girl at heart. I am unaware of any manipulations or politics. and i know my problem needs smartness to be solved. so posting for suggestions. I was working and on break for around 8 months to take care of my baby. I had a love marriage and my MIL is super sweet to me and to everyone. but right from my marriage I have few instances to be shared which leaves me hurt for days.

1. I had a love marriage and during my marriage my MIL was sweetly keeping me so much occupied and was repeatedly avoiding me taking fotos with my relatives(close ones: moms sister) who have converted to another religion. and all of a sudden she took me to the van to return to their home leaving my relatives and parents zapped without any prior notification and was in great hurry.
2. Few of my relatives came with me to leave me in their town and they stayed at MIL house in night. they didnt give this mat or pillows for sleeping. on asking htey were hesitant saying everything is on attic. later they gave the pillows.
3. after marriage we were about to go to honeymoon to paris. On the day when we went to travels we found that my hubby's passport went missing and later after around 8 months it was found in his hometown and he claims that it was his mistake and he gets mad if i blame anyone for this. My hubby was the person who wanted to take me to Paris. We both were very upset on this.
4. I am such a person who never cry for anything but my MIL sheds tears for everything. so whenever she cries i feel so sad and feel like solving all her problems. And I have adjusted in lot of things for her.
5. Didnt allow me to spend thala deepavali at moms place saying some nombu on diwali day. So was pongal saying pongal is very special for them and there dil should be at home. we had to leave to their town which is around 6 hrs from ourplace. so we celebrated diwali on that day 11p.m later at my moms place. vMy hubby and I fight sooooo much for this thing my hubby tires to please his mom in all possible ways saying she is alone. (My FIL died 7 years earlier.# . But this year my SIL is in college and my MIL taking care of her kid so she celebrated diwali in our place itself.
6. In bangle ceremony#valaikappu) they have acustom of wearing first gold and silver bangles which has to be worn by my dads sisters. but my FIL sister wore me the bangle. Actually by the time I think of anything my MIL finishes the activity she does. My aunties and relatives came a long distance for me and all were shocked.
7. My father expired recently and on 12th day after that fell my sons first bithday. we cancelled all tha plans of hotel celebrations. but later on that day my MIL said some of her relatives are coming and she made us order food and cake from outside and made it a party at home which I was in no mood to celebrate. Here she didnt force me or talk anything but everything was a celebration that day as per her choice. clearly well manipulated. This incident left me deeply hurt and i feel i lack the smartness compared to my MIL.

These are few incidents I have quoted but everywhere she is super sweet so cute but does everything as per her choice. no importance to me my feelings or my parents. I am not able to talk to her. i feel very distant with her. She comes on weekends to our home and on weekdays she takes care of SIL son. but while talking she appreciates me to no end and says am super woman, her daughter is lazy and she needs help etc.etc. this time i said her to spend holidays with my son. But even this time she is running to her daugter home.

Sorry for the long post but my problem is:

I dont know how to face her now. After my sons birthday celebrations I have gone distant to her. Since I feel she is selfish to an extent of hurting others to keep herself happy. I fight with my husband complaining about his mom. Though my husband recognises his mom self center nature he asks me to adjust. but our fight continues. And her smartness continues in everything. My SIL celebrates all functions here at our home with her mom but am not allowed to go to my moms house or celebrate there. SIl gets masalas from her mom but MIL says we should not get masals from mom it brings bad luck home. and lot of customs rituals which she changes every year and says it has to be done this way only. I mean I know she is lying but even if i point out we did different last year. she has an unacceptable story which pisses me off. tell me how to hanlde this supersweet MIL pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaseeee.

 

adding just as vent ...my mil never asks me not to go to my moms house. she just tells stories on how a woman should leave her hubby house as dead body only.
I extended my career break so long that i could leave my son in playschool directly because she doesnt want my son to be taken care by mom and she is taking care of my sil son who is 2 months older than my son. she offers that she will take care of both ..now the problem is my sil baby was sick right from his birth and i was worried abt infections and later... he is a sweet boy but he throws any object around him on ground and it hurts elders also at times.. when we were present itself, my son was hurt twice or thrice. so am very scared to leave the kids together. once my mil said that she doesnt like my mom touching my son. I so much wanted to retort back. I feel it would be lot better if she is a typical mil who tells directly what they want.. be it harsh or watever..but my one does every thing behind and am scared to confront also...what if she catches her chest and falls down with illness cause she always makes me believe that she is very soft sweet damsel in distress.

 

About my mom coming to my home.....my mil always has the habbit of complainin how good her daughter is and how bad her son in law is...not at all fit for her daughter....once when my mom was here she told same stories to my mom..then my mom in consoling tone said u shud have done a proper background checks nu....thats it ...I was there and i know how the convo went ...my mil seemed happy no probs at al...but later around 2 weeks i get a call saying tat its been weeks since my mil slept and my mom has talked mockingly at her hurting and my mil is crying since then...and she has cried to her sister(my mil's sister.)..so i felt very bad....i asked my mom not to visit me stating some other reason....so what to do with my mil...taht day only she said she doesnt like my mom touching her grandson....who at end of the day makes u feel miserable and guilty for no mistake of yours... but i dont think tooo much about these and i adjust with all her possessiveness....because i love my hubby alotttt and i know he luvs me and his mom equally..