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My Lo hits herself often

Discussion in 'Infants' started by sanjuruby3, Sep 24, 2015.

  1. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    My 15 months old daughter slaps herself on her head whenver she feels angry or scolded or stopped from doing something.

    She used to do it before also but now it has increased. We raise our voice, or scold her she hits herself.. even if its little above than normal.. like why you are not eating, or you can not touch this or have this, . Not in a big NO expression but slight pressure than normal tone. This is really concerning me and I talked to her daycare if she does that there too. They say, no .. and it might be a face. They have heard but not seen cases.
    This is really concerning me.

    She is not eating and no going to eliminate and severly constipated. She is skipping days and when she does in her diaper, she cries. Probably for that fear, she does not sit on toilet. I can not force her to eat any of those super foods to help relieve constipation. Its so difficult for me to make her do anything these days. Couple days back, I injected prune juice just like medicine with dropper. I had to force it into her..
    it did not work though.

    Please suggest.
     
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  2. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    We when very frustrated some times say "ayyo Rama" and hit head once with our hand , May be she saw some thing like that and doing. My son saw me doing this once, (I do ver very rare when frustrated with kid) and did this for a month when he is very angry. But now he forgot that.

    if u don't give much importance to her hitting head, she may forget it, if you say don't do it again and again , she may/ will use this for attention grabbing. Also she unable to express what she wants and in frustration she is doing it.

    if she is not hurting herself, then ignore for couple of days and see, it is a phase as told by day care.

    The more worrying thing is her eating habit I think.

    i think she is not ready for toilet training yet, is she sitting on small potty ? Or on toilet. I would suggest to use small potty, if she shows interest to sit. Otherwise leave it for a month or two and try again.
     
  3. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    From 6 mons on, and right before she turned 1 ( and started daycare), she was toilet trained. She was sitting on small potty seat every morning to relieve. And in between, when diaper free, for pee, but not strictly for pee.

    With daycare, her eating and poo and milk habits changed. And she has become stubborn and not ready to change. She will not take sippy cup at all (for milk/juice/ etc) which she used to sometimes before. Se does not like anything else than milk and water as fluid and problem is : it is difficult to force or distract her into anything.

    Now since constipated and she learnt to get her way, she will not even sit on any potty ( we have both). Probably she remembers that it hurts when it comes out. but not sitting/doing, hurts more when finally it makes its way out ;-).

    I do not know what to do. How to change her? Its been super long phase now going on for 5 months. We feel like poor, helpless parents, who give in to her crying.
     
  4. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    http://www.amazon.com/Breville-BJE2...60754?s=kitchen&ie=UTF8&qid=1443109531&sr=1-4

    Use this type of juicer and extract carrot juice and give it to her , dilute very little with water, may be two big carrots enough for her. Carrot juice tastes nice , this juicer leaves very little pulp , which helps for her fiber content. Give this juice in the morning every day for a week, it definitely helps both in nutrition and constipation wise.

    leave her in diaper if she wants to poop in diaper.

    for sippy cup also, leave it for few months and try later, let her have in bottle for now.

    poor baby, doesnt like changes daycare etc, so she is seeking comfort in bottle.

    When hungry and sleepy my son too becomes stubborn and doesn't listen anything, wants his way only. Other times if I tell slowly he will listen.

    I tag @guesshoo and @ramyaramani
     
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  5. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Two separate problems as I see it.

    1. She is constipated. The poor child is indeed dreading going to the toilet. It is something any child with constipation will dread. She needs plenty of TLC. If she will drink water, give her plenty of water. Give her boiled and mashed prunes.

    Deal with her constipation first. Give her gently tummy massages. Put her in a warm bath for a short while and stimulate her back passage.

    If you wish to change her diet, offer only healthy stuff and cut out any junk. Remember she isn't doing this to frustrate you. SHe must be in agony - it might be best to talk to a doctor about laxatives.

    2. It is frustration of not being able to communicate that is probably making her hit herself. Gently hold her hands away from her and talk to her. Scolding etc. Is something the baby can't understand - she understands the disapproval and seems to seek validation instead.

    You might want to research he montessori way of discipline. Look up super nanny videos to understand how you can use a kind tone to communicate wih your little one. You could use sign language with her so she can communicate with you - this really helped my child from the time she was about 8 months old until she starred talking at 18-19 months. Make plenty of eye contact and talk.

    Give her an alternative to vent frustration. How to Help Toddlers Vent Their Anger Without Hitting, Spitting & Biting | Everyday Life - Global Post
    You will of course need to invest time and effort but it is to do with helping your daughter cope which is a life skill you are teaching her. When she starts hitting herself hold her hands gently and look into her eyes and state gently, you are very angry; are you? Will a hug help? Etc.

    Now if you have been giving in after her tantrum, the behaviour is going to take longer to eradicate. It isn't impossible. It will take more time but it demands total consistency from your side.
     
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  6. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    She does drink lot of water at home. At daycare I have told her this issue and asked to give her water. She does not drink any other fluids other than milk@home only.

    Does not eat - so difficult to get anything into her , like prunes or any good food for constipation. So now finally I am decided on laxs for her.

    Every morning, I wake up with fresh thoughts, on how to have less stressful day with her, not to lose patience, try more, stay calm.

    Morning, we start feeding, then look at time, 1 hr of trying, hardly 1 bite went in her. .. already 9:30 am, noone is ready yet.. then panic starts. With milk, we get her to daycare.
    Similarly evenings, she comes home tired and hungry. After milk and bath, unsuccessful feeding battle where she is just cranky, ready to sleep.

    What to do? To get some calories in to her, I sleep fed her bottle... :-(

    I do not know how and where to make our lives easier and get everything on time.
     
  7. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Sanju - I honestly think a 15 month old is too young to be potty trained. If she is constipated and in agony, potty will only exasperate her issues. Cut yourself some slack by starting to toilet train so young. The toilet training maybe leading to constipation by her holding out because she doesn't want to sit on the potty.

    Feeding issues are very common at her age. Try to get her to self feed. Don't make eating a battle. It is definitely exhausting. She isn't going to starve herself. She will eat when hungry. Offer often and stop getting stressed about it. No typical child will go hungry. If she doesn't get food in the morning, she will eat at snack time. Don't worry too much. Just have consistent Breakfast/snack and dinner times and don't keep feeding her bits and pieces here and there. She will soon learn that she has to eat at the right time and will do so. Ensure that you have a schedule and stick to it. That's the most important thing for toddlers. Btw, the quantity you expect her to eat and the quantity she actually eats will be very different. As long as she is growing fine, don't worry about quantity. Make sure the quality is right.

    Regarding her hitting herself, she is doing it because she is getting attention when she does it. Block and ignore. Don't make eye contact when she hits herself. Hold her hand and turn your face away. Don't even acknowledge it or talk to each other about it. It will fade off when it doesn't get the attention.
     
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  8. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Eating is he main problem. I have faced it and I still face it most morning with my girl when she will just stare at the food. I want her to eat. She knows that. She isn't interested. Then it goes downhill from there.

    Can you take a couple of weeks off? Have a schedule put up and offer her food. If she doesn't eat, don't give milk or any alternative. Let the healthy food be there for her to eat. Let her see you enjoying your food. Engage with her doing other stuff but don't fixate on feeding her. (I know much easier said than done. But it is essential for her to see that her not eating isn't getting a reaction out of you.)

    Sit for 10 min; you eat your portion tasking about the weather. If she doesn't eat, leave her and gently say, let me know when you want food. Key not to give her anything else. Milk alone isn't going to solve constipation either. If I'm right dairy worsens it. Also if she is constipated she isn't about to eat as perhaps she has no appetite. Get a doctor to check her up.

    On the day I decided to not battle it out my daughter drank about 150 ml milk and ate perhaps two mouthfull of dosa at 8 am. Then she went to nursery for half a day when she ate some fruit. Then she refused lunch. I let her be. It was in agony but I ate my lunch. She asked for a biscuit or something around 4:30 and I offered her lunch. She ate it all up quickly and without protest. Of course dinner took a slight hit but next day onwards it went great. There were test days when she again wouldn't eat. I'd just do the same over and she got the idea.
     
  9. preesmiles

    preesmiles Silver IL'ite

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    @Sanjuruby3, guesshoo has given you some great ideas about helping to relieve baby's constipation. Warm bath, tummy massage (you tube it, there are lot of videos on how to do it), bicycling the baby's legs all help. Once the constipation problem is dealt with, you can move on to figure out the other issues.

    I guess you are doing elimination communication with the baby and not really potty training in the strict sense right? Both are of course different concepts. I am doing the same with my baby. He has been going in a little potty since he was 4 months old, mainly for poos. He was diaper free in the day when he was 8-9 months but when he started becoming more mobile, he refused to sit in the toilet. I put the diaper back on and let him be. Young infants apparently go through potty pauses when they start becoming mobile. When my son was constipated, I found that if I held his legs in a sort of squatting position while he was on the potty, it helped him go better. So don't worry, once your LO's constipation issue is taken care of she will start going in the toilet again. There are a couple of really good groups on Facebook called elimination communication support that will help you through these issues.

    Of course your bigger issue is your baby not eating. Since forcing her has not been working, isn't it worth a try to change strategies? The weekend is coming up, maybe you could tell yourself that for those two days you are not going to make her eat, you can put food in front of her and let her make the decision to eat. See how it goes. She might not show interest the first couple of times but if you don't go feed her milk immediately, she might be hungry enough to eat next time. For breakfast, put easy to pick up and eat food in front of her and you and your husband have your breakfast with her. If she doesn't eat, try again in an hour. I highly recommend that you search for baby led weaning for beginners on Facebook. There are lots of moms there who are going through similar situations.

    Lastly, the hitting herself thing might be a phase. Gently push her hands away and acknowledge what she is feeling, like i know you are angry but I won't let you hurt yourself. Don't make it a big issue. Check out Janet Lansbury's website. She has a book on toddler issues and discipline but since most of that info is on her website, you can just look it up there as well.

    I can see that you work so hard for your baby and that you are stressed. This phase will pass as well, your baby is lucky to have a mom who cares do much for her :)
     
  10. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks for your suggestions and your time ladies.

    For hitting problem - I am trying to ignore her now. She has been doing that a lot now on every small things. Like taking something from her, asking her something to do, pulling her to us to put on diapers while she is busy...and worse, she also hits us. I get very angry when she hits me or H, just hate that attitude and worries me. I want to slap her hard like we were brought up in India but she is too small :-(. I have seen many friend's kids answering back that loud or disrespecting parents.

    For eating problem - We have been trying not to burn ourselves on this and

    For constipation - I have started miralax finally with first dose. Once her constipation is gone, I wil start from top. It is so hurtful to see bloody rocks everyday and see her in pain.

    I do not want to force her to do in potty seat. It like back gear for us as she was doing it regularly before 1 yr, and now not. Its fine if she does it in diaper. But It is easier if she does it at home, not at day-care so there is no uncertainty.

    Once/twice she came back home with old poop (means done hours before) in diaper. .... She might have been scooting around with that for hours at daycare.
    They check and change every 2-3 hrs . I know its so human to miss it and I can not blame them but still not good to think about your kid in poop for many hours.
     

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