My lifeline - my friends!

Friendship! That is a wonderful concept. It really cannot be explained how the heart seeks another heart just for the sake of sharing, unconditionally. There are many instances of strong friendship in history, where friends even go to the extent of giving up their lives for the sake of their friends.

I like this historical friendship between a Tamil emperor and a Tamil poet, where the two of them had not even met physically. The poet had heard about the good kinship of this emperor and written glorious verses in his praise and the emperor had heard about this poet and his verses in his praise. The two of them got no opportunity to meet. Those were not even the times of internet or mail! When the emperor one day heard of the poet’s demise, he could not bear the loss and gave up his life by fasting, facing the north.

We need friends at all ages. We need them as children, to play with. We need them in our teenage to share all our anxieties, dreams, worries and feelings. Friends are the best people to share our experiences of first love. We need friends in our youth, when we get involved in a relationship, get married and begin life. We have thousands of things to share with friends at this stage.

Friends are the best companions as we progress in life, bring up our children, rise up in our career, face various kinds of challenges in life and age. Nobody else remains our permanent companion. We can share all that we cannot share even with our own life partners or parents, with friends. That is quite strange! Are friends more important than our own parents and life partners? There is no answer for this. Only experience can bring realization.

Of all stages in life, we need friends most in our old age, when our life is full of thorns and happy moments become fewer. Children grow up and separate for various reasons. Parents get old and leave us. Friends are the only ones we can really depend upon. Suddenly our own children cannot appreciate our view points and start feeling that we are ‘old’ and ‘out-dated’. We come across many set-backs in our relationship with them. On account of our pressures and stress, our physical health also starts deteriorating and old age sets in earlier than it actually should! At such times, the most soothing thing is talking to friends. Suddenly we realize how our telephone bills get bigger and most of our time being spent on chatting and chatting. Especially our childhood friends are those that become our closest friends and tread along with us all through our lives.

It is such a pleasure seeing my 74-year-old mother chatting with her childhood friends, organizing meets at the houses of the children, writing to them, running to their houses in times of crises and relating to us all her childhood memories. She and her friends meet up even in the U.S. when they go to stay with their children settled there. They have been a great inspiration for me to maintain contact with my friends.

Likewise, I too have a bunch of my childhood friends. We keep in touch and have never lost the thread, though we all live in different cities and though we never mail or call very often. It is strange that even if we meet after years, we are able to comfortably begin the conversation, as though time has never separated us! There is no gap, whatsoever. We make it a point to meet in our children’s weddings or some family get-togethers. We wish each other on important days and are always there whenever anybody needs our emotional support. The moment I feel depressed or upset about something, I just take the phone and call one of them and cry my heart out. Of course, nobody but we can solve our problems. But just that they lend their shoulders lightens my heart and helps me carry on.

Besides, I have another good friend, who luckily stays closer to me and is always there whenever I need her. Whenever I feel low or sick, my mother says, ‘Call up Sadhana and you will be okay’. And that is so true. In times of crisis, my mind stops functioning and she comes running to my rescue with her objective viewpoints and suggestions. I cannot think of celebrating any event, making any big purchase, taking any important decision or grieving any loss without her. She perfectly suits the proverb ‘A friend in need is a friend indeed’. She is so much a part of my family that my children too are very close to her and miss her if she does not turn up for a long time. We are lucky that our respective husbands appreciate our relationship and support us. Thus we have become family friends.

The best part of this friendship is that nothing can bring a crack in the relationship. We do not care for what others have to comment about us. I am very fortunate that the two of us are so much alike ideologically and hence are able to carry on with our social activities also together. The two of us cannot remain silent spectators of others’ sufferings and hence get involved in assisting people in distress. Though both of us have our share of family responsibilities, which we are carrying out with each other’s moral support, we are together to help third persons.

I had written about a set of seven such friends, who have been together for scores of years and have now set up a guest house ‘Yatri’ at the Bangalore Bus Stand together to offer lodging facilities to the ordinary people at reasonable rates. These seven friends have their own businesses to attend to and their own family responsibilities. Yet, they are together in this activity and nothing has brought any differences among them.

Friendship is thus the holiest relationship according to me. Despite the fact that we do not share the blood or have nothing to bind us except love, it is strange as to how this bondage gets strengthened over the years, despite physical distances, social and family pressures and personal commitments. I just cannot imagine my life without friends.

I really laugh at the recent hype of ‘Friendship Day’ and exchange of gifts, bands and what not! True friendship does not require any material intervention. True friends are those that instill good values in us, guide us in the right path and warn us against wrong steps. It is so true that friends who keep flattering us or supporting us even in the wrong steps that we take are not our true friends. I am proud that all my friends have helped me emotionally and morally to stick to principles despite difficulties and take pride in my successes in life. Nobody advises me to take wrong decisions or disrespect my elders or shirk my responsibilities, whatever may be the hardship I face. They are there to give me all kinds of support to carry out my duties loyally. What a noble situation! Hence, I cannot stand instances of some friendship where the friends misguide and families break.

For good friends, every day is a Friendship Day and every moment is memorable.

Sudha Narasimhachar