My Life Journey With My Special Kid!

How do you all manage kids getting rejected by peers? My son wouldn't care earlier about friends. It was easier to manage.
Now, he wants to be included and when the other kids exclude him, he gets very emotional. He cried a lot yesterday. Wasn't able to say why he was crying but I knew(I saw the interactions).
My friends are really trying to get their kids to play with him but we can't blame the other kids. They are also being children. They can't help it if he isn't able to communicate much with them. They push him away and play amongst themselves.
I thought about just inviting one other kid so the other one plays with my son. But these are good friends and they are really trying. I can't keep excluding people. I did get very upset to see him cry like that. Not the regular toddler crying but the emotional silent crying. You all know how sensitive our kids are. They are more sensitive than the regular kids and these things bother them.

Social occasions are getting harder and harder for me. I want to participate but almost always it ends up with my son being hurt or excluded. I used to manage with playing with him but when I have people over at my place, it isn't possible. I think he is realizing he is different and it's hurting me a lot to see him struggle.

The therapists are working hard at peer play. I am too. I just don't see a good outcome soon.

 

Hugs Mathima. I believe all of us feel this way one time or another. Especially SAHMs with special needs kids. Look at it rationally. Don’t bring your emotions into this thought process.

Researching and implementing a researched method takes a lot of time. Plus, there are a million things out there that every person swears helped their sped kid. It’s mountains of articles we have to wade through on a daily basis. Do you think it is realistic for someone working a full-time job to do this research up to your liking? Does he have the hours to do it?
I think it's best you be the driver for your son's needs. Let your DH be the follower. You lead him on how to handle behaviors etc. When he sees you having more instructional control over your son, especially when he sees him not having behavioral outbursts with you, he will work on those same strategies. It'll take time but he will slowly learn from you.

Is this resentment valid? Is he having a career that you don’t have making you think like he has it better?
Without your dh’s aspirations and ambitions do you think you would have been able to manage? I’m a big proponent of women in the workforce having equal opportunities to work and shine but I’m an even bigger proponent of mommy therapists. I’ve seen time and again that kids who have SAHM parents do much better with their therapy goals. It isn't because moms who work don't care. They just don't have the luxury of all the time to invest heavily in additional reinforcement at home, something that really helps the kids in the long run.

Regarding reading a book/cooking etc, you will have to manage when he is in therapies. That's what therapists are for, to give you some respite. Anyone else around? Get some respite care in place if you cannot find time for anything. Have a part-time carer for the little one so at least you don't have to take care of him 24/7. If your DH gets home at a decent time and is well rested you could step out for 30 mins to just walk around the neighborhood. Make it a brisk walk, like an exercise.

Is he saying this to you? Or are you bringing it up in conversations?

You need to find ways to relax and unwind. Find ways to do things for yourself, however little they may be, while the child is in therapy. There is only so much you can get by talking to someone about your situation. Friends and parents etc do provide moral support but at times you have to take additional steps to recover from the grief of having a child with a disability. It's a process. You will be able to deal with it better gradually. Even I have my good days and bad. Thankfully, I have had more good days than bad ones lately and that's keeping me hopeful.
You have to stay happy for yourself. The notion that you have to stay happy/healthy/active etc for the disabled child is actually more crippling for us. It adds to our stresses. You should do all of these things for yourself. I know your situation is amplified with another toddler to take care of but you will have to make a little time every day to do something little. Keeping a positivity log is good. There is an active thread on IL with daily positives that people post. If you aren't wanting to post on IL, then keep a private journal. Try to make it only about you(not kids or DH).
Exercise or take a nap or read a little or write or do some personal care stuff that you don't do regularly - eyebrows, oil massage etc all count). Make a small dish only for yourself(even if kids and DH won't eat that thing). Meditation, yoga, zumba, running, walking, walking with the baby in a stroller will all help you relax. Listen to music. If you have any fine arts ability, invest some time in practicing your skills again. Do something other than teaching your son, playing with your son or taking care of his needs. Those don't count.

Maybe because you are talking about not being fulfilled right now. He is probably thinking the job may give you the outlet you need to feel better about yourself. You have mentioned multiple times here that you are not able to do anything for yourself. Maybe going to work will help you feel a sense of accomplishment. Yes, the practicalities are hard for you and there are several unknows along the way. It's still a year away. Why fret about it right now?
Don't you have some skills from pursuing your master's? Can't you do an online course or something and home those skills? You might be able to do something creative instead of stress about what will happen when the work happens.

You have to make the alone time. It's hard with the little one in tow but he's also going to grow into a preschooler soon. In a few months, you can send him to preschool and have a couple of hours to relax while the older one is with therapists. It isn't going to be so bleak in a few months. Hang in there.

@Mathima - Women and Men process having a child with a disability very differently. He is probably also feeling a lot of grief and isn't able to cope with it. Small disagreements are bound to become big arguments when external stressors that we have no control over gets added to the equation. Your DH is also under the added pressure of being solely responsible for funding expensive therapies. Don't discount the amount of stress that can create. Telling him once in a while that you understand things from his angle is very helpful.

Btw, a small suggestion. SMS/Chat style words distract and I sometimes cannot understand the post very clearly. Please type out the actual words instead of using shortcuts. I usually don't respond to posts written with sms language just because it's hard to decode.