Hi I like to share to you all about my life as I can atleast get a relief by sharing it or get a good suggestion to lead it through you my friends or aunties or mom whatever relation it may be. I got married by 16.5 itslf cos of my parents no no due to my grandmothers compulsion. you know I dont know that I am going to get married before one week of my marriage cos of my husbands family is rich. They thought like i can be happy with money alone. I have many dreams about my future before my marriage to become a doctor and to look after my parents like king and queen No wonder I might did it if fate permitted me as I was a school topper. But everything changed due to my parents decision on my life. I dont know you why I got married though I dont have any other distractions like love or anything and was keeping my mind in studies and studies alone. On my marriage day , I have not let a drop down from my eyes as i have cried a lot and lot in the week before it. But I dont know that time that I am going to cry daily after my marriage. Yeah, It has been 7 years from the day of my marriage. I dont remember a single day that I was happy in this life. After my marriage I accepted that this is my fate and started a new life burying my soul i.e. studies and my dreams. But fate proves so rude to me. My husband is a drunkard. Drinking may be a common thing in nowadays world. but he is a chain drinker like chain smoker. He will chose drinking when god asks something which you want to be with the whole life. It is really atrocious to live with the new man whom I don't know as I don't know the ABC of sexual life. Yet I tried to change myself a lot and thought that changing him from his habit is my life purpose I tried everything. I cried inside daily seeing the school girls on road and me waiting for my husband not knowing where he felt down drunken in the morning itself in the school going age. But I tried to change him a lot, Every year we will admit him to the hospital seriously due to his drinking habit and he had sugar too. Now it changed to every month. I thought like all my life purpose is changing him and I tried with all my strength. I First attempted to change him with love and care, cried to him that he is my life, begged him, at last shouted at him but nothing works. I got a kid after one and years of marriage. I even tried to change him putting the future of the kid in front of him as I got feared like if he died due to his habit what I am going to do . Due to his drinking habit problem raised daily and he beated me like anything for no reasons. I tolerated it with my dumb tears. Then He blamed me like I am not cooking, taking care of home for hiding his mistakes . I tolerated it. I went to all temples, did all fasting, cried to God daily, took him to psychiatrist but nothing works. My neighbours, relatives all wondered how I am living with him. My nights have been filled with my tears. I accepted all his relations blaming and tortures with smile and tears. Meanwhile I studied BBA in correspondence in spite of his heavy opposition. I went to work as I thought job may divert my mind though it diverts my problem still continues and I am totally shattered awaiting for my death. Being drunken to the extent of becoming unconscious always not knowing even he is clothed or not, his irresponsibility, and everything made him far away from my heart. He made all the festivals to searching day of him in roads or in any houses drunken, a sorrow day indeed I cant get him closer to heart.Though I dont have any imagination about my soulmate surely I cant accept him as a person to live with. I used to stand outside my door praying to god with tears that he should come alive atleast in my 17 years itself. He hit me in the wall, make me stand outside the home when I was very young, If my parents asked anything he scolded him using bad words irrespectfully. Day by day he increases his torture physically and mentally. He moved from my heart far away to the place where I can never love him for sure. Slowly slowly I served him as a humanitarian while he was in hospital,in home. but I could not change my heart to him as I got that much hurt. but I am unable to serve him as a wife in bed without love in mind. I dont have any sexual relationship with him for 6 years or so. For my child I am living otherwise I may be in photo alone before years itself. but when I think of suicide at the last min I used to change my mind that I did not do any mistake why I have to die. i am born to live. Rite? If I see a good couple in road, or at times when I am going to a marriage or while reading love stories I used to cry inside why my life went like this without love but crying this word cant explain my pain . Surely I cant live with him as a wife for the rest of the life as he hurt me to the deep extent. Please pray for me my friends.