My life - A brief update

"Only after disaster can we be resurrected" The meaning of this quote is somewhat related to my life story, which is known to all of you.
I mean, only after losing everything, you are free to become anything in your life.

Everyone has their own set of problems in their lives, but I have never realised that my marriage life can be this hard, and never experienced a near death moment in my life before. But now I am realising that God has plans for everyone and he is moving everything as per his plans.

When I was about to quit my job in Sudan due to so many unwanted interferences of my ILs, I was asked not to quite by my DH several times. He neither gave me emotional supports while I was alone in Sudan, nor accepted my decision to quit the job and join him in India.

It took me couple of months to come up for a firm decision to quit the job against my DH's wish, but when I was about to submit my resignation note I was informed that my DH will be thrown out from his organization due to some bad reasons immediately. That leaves both of us jobless.

I was really confusing as to resign or not due to this matter. At the same time I had developed some suspicion over my DH's acts and the involvement of my FIL in this regard as his job matter came all of a sudden after I had decided to quit.

Nevertheless, I didn't change my mind and stood by my decision to quit as I was so sure that I really need to be in India to control my marriage life.

First of all, I understood that my DH's job matter was true, and he really had a tough time with his boss, and that was also one of the big reason behind his cold behaviour towards me. Basically he was negatively carried away by my cunning FIL, and that has affected my DH's mental state a lot.

His brother and friends/colleagues told me that he used to be restless during all these months, and worked till late evening, but he was unable to concentrate anything at his work. He even developed misunderstanding with his boss, colleagues and brother over the past two months.

I understood that my DH became emotionally vulnerable followed by my sudden depature to Sudan after our marriage. We were together for the last 5 years, and he used to be so close with me and I was his big emotional support during all his ups and downs.

My money minded FIL used my DH's emotional vulnerability and made him accept whatever his demands. Many a times my DH has to nod his head to whatever his dad says though he is not 100% happy about it. The cold behaviour with me, and his request to extend my foreign contract were some of them as these demands came from my FIL and my DH has nothing to say except just nodding his head. But this has made him restless, feel sad and tensed all the time, and that has affected his career so badly.

I didn't want to pin point his mistakes this time, rather I gave him lots of courages and hopes. I helped him fight back with his boss over her negative comments about him and he somewhat succeeded in getting her to change some of her negative comments.

I was with him all the time, which made it difficult for my FIL to interfere. Many a times I gave nice fight backs, and replies to my FIL before even my DH get to know about it.

- First my FIL didn't want to allow us to stay together. He advised me to go back to my momma's house and asked my DH to visit me only during weekends as my BIL needs a company to his bachelor's appartment:bonk

- Secondly he made my parents/siblings worry about our relationship as he said I must work in Sudan until we finish the construction of our house, if not I will have to face the consequences.

But he acts so nicely with me if my DH is around. This makes difficult for me to prove him guilty as my DH still thinks his dad is the best FIL in this world and he treats his first DIL like his own daughter:bonk

For instance... Last week I was down with cold and cough. It is due to the sudden changes in the climate (Sudan is hot and dry, where as my town in India is very humid). My FIL asked my DH to buy some crabs and asked my MIL to make me tastey crab curry as crab is a wonderful village medicine for cold. My DH (even me) thought how nice my FIL was.

But with no time, I came to know from my parents and neighbors that my FIL was telling everyone that I have Astma problem, and my DH didn't know this before marriage. He has told my mother that he has done a favor to me by marrying his son to a astma patient like me and it is rare or next to impossible for a patient like me to get married to a nice groom. Also he told my neighbor that he needs more dowry as I am a patient now, and normally brides with sickness like astma give more dowry than normal brides... But the truth is I am not an astma patient, rather I just had cough for 2 days due to the suddent whether changes and dust.

I have decided not to bring any of these topics with my DH now, and make him sad or confused now. So, my decision was to handle my FIL directly and tactfully.

He has interfered in our decisions so many times, and I gave him rude replies in soft tone. Basically I told him that "I know what I am doing" and "I am capable of doing my things and handling my family issues, hence I don't need advise from others at this stage"

Though my FIL is angry, he is unable to tell anything to my DH as he has no valid reasons to prove me guilty.

- I helped my DH to find a new post and he is gonna start this new job from next month
- I found a nice rental house near by our new land (where we are building our own house). I did everything from searching for a house to prepare the rental agreement with the owner as my DH doesn't wanna take the initiative while his dad has reservations in this regard.
Though my FIL is not happy about this house matter, I managed to convince both my DH and BIL to accept my decision and they are fully satisfied with this new house now, so my poor FIL has no options other than accepting this. We are moving in by mid April.
- My FIL wanted to influence in each and every decision of ours such as buying a bike, selecting the rental house, going out for a trip, etc.. etc... He used religious reasons and astrology to validate his interference and made my DH follow him and accept his suggestions. But this time, I was with my DH all the time and made all the arrangements by my self and gave logical replies to my FIL's suggestions without even taking them to my DH's mind.
- I've got what I wanted for during this time and I think I've got the needful strength to face my FIL tactfully.

Thanks ladies for your advises and supports during all the dark days.