1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Liked anything that you read here? You may nominate it as the Finest Posts!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  5. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

My life - A brief update

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Tugga, Mar 2, 2010.

  1. Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    692
    Likes Received:
    80
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi all,

    Hope you haven't forgotton the tragedy of my life story:(

    Here goes my updates:-

    My DH received me at the airport with a kind smile and cool face. He even prepared a nice hot cup of tea and some snaks upon my arrival. Our first day went very well except some sad news from his office (about his job matter, but I supported him as he seemed so dull)

    The next day when he was out, his brother (BIL) told me that my DH is not normal as before. His actions, behaviour and everything has been changed during the last couple of months, hence he acts like a mistery sometimes, so i must follow him up or advice him.
    He also warned me that his dad (my FIL) is trying to influence in my DH's life too much, and my DH suffers a lot due to this.

    In that brief talk, I came to know that my DH was not happy, not eating well, spending too much time at the office, but producing nothing. He has problems not only with me, but with my family, his family and friends.

    My BIL too had concerns about my DH's silence with him despite living under a same roof.

    The next day went with full of office matters. It was confirmed that my DH will be out of his office after next month. He was so sad and upset thinking about out future at this time. But I gave him lots of hopes and supports at this time.

    At the same time, I have taken this opportunity to make him understand his mistakes. His supervisors comments about his behaviour was the repeated version about my previous thread (or all my threads about his acts).
    She basically commented negatively about his interpersonal skills, communication, relationship with colleagues despite of his hard working... I told him firmly but in a very low tone that his recent behaviour was not at all acceptable. He seemed understanding, but I am not sure what he thinks right now.

    On the other hand, my family took his comments about me very seriously. My brother is gonna ask my DH about the reason for his harsh call on the other day about me (he only shared our personal issues with my brother when i was abroad, and that made my FOO lose all the hopes in him). Neither of our family knows about his job matter now.

    I told him that he needs to face my brother regarding this issue, as he has told my family that we are not happy and we have major issues. As external parties, and close relatives my family really worried about my marriage life, hence they keep on asking me about the reason why my DH was so rude and called them on the other day about our issue.

    Finally, there are so many negative comments from my FIL. But this time, I am not so innocent to accept everything and cry... rather I gave him nice replies and informed my DH about his talks with no time.

    My MIL is cool with me this time. She was angry with my DH for something and she told me that my DH is just following his dad in every matter, but that will surely affect his life. I gave her support in talks, and told her to be firm while handling her sons and husband at least from now on.

    Now my DH is very cool... Lots and lots of changes in his behaviour this time... He at least reduces his anger, reduces his visits to his parent's family, expresses his love and listens to me somehow.

    But he repeatedly says that he is jobless, and his time is very bad now. That's why everyone is finding fault on him and advising him. He has no option, but to listen to them - Ofcourse he told me this as a casual joke, but I felt really bad about this.

    Now we are on a visit to our parents place.. but we will be starting our life in that new house from next week onwards.

    Thanks ladies for your advises and suggestions. I am now happy and feel much better because of you.

    Regards
    Tugga
     
    Loading...

  2. ganges

    ganges Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,858
    Likes Received:
    50
    Trophy Points:
    110
    Gender:
    Female
    dear friend

    gone are the days of agony. All the best for your bright future.


    ganges
     
  3. kavya007

    kavya007 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    752
    Likes Received:
    119
    Trophy Points:
    108
    Gender:
    Female
    Getting your brother involved in this matter is going to complicate things.Given your DH's state of mind I think you brother should just let it go and be calm. Keep your folks and his folks involved in your married life as minimally as possible. If you don't handle this tactfully it might blow out of proportion and scar your relationship with your DH for a long time. I learned some lessons the hard way. It looks like you have good support from your BIL and MIL. Thats very good.

    Kavya.
     
  4. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    7,302
    Likes Received:
    954
    Trophy Points:
    270
    Gender:
    Female
    Woww....apart from all the worries...this does sound quite promising...If I may suggest pls take a break from all parents/friends/family and go on a nice short vacation some where...not so expensive but it should be kind of a hilly station or less crowd one...so that you both can enjoy and he can talk his heart out...goingn to be a good start for both of you !! good luck to you both for setting up and havign fun in your new home :cheers
     
  5. rosenav

    rosenav Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    736
    Likes Received:
    73
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Bless you....

    All the best !!
     
  6. Happysoul1234

    Happysoul1234 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,645
    Likes Received:
    94
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Male
    Tugga good for you to get DH out of the hell-hole called your FIL!

    Youd DH may be suffering from depression due to the undue influences of FIL. My suggestion is to keep him away from him at all costs, but also do not make him face your family. It's about both of you, no one else. God knows what your family saying might affect him in this down period of his life. It's a good idea to be just by yourselves so that you can encourage him, listen to him, I mean really listen to him, get him to talk and open up about his feelings. Do not criticize him, just listen and ask him what he thinks you both should do to make life better.

    And to start with, I'd give the house a good cleaning incase your FIL has done anything (BM). Talk to your pastor about house purification if possible.
     
  7. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,862
    Likes Received:
    5,086
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Tugga.. I shall ditto to what Srividya & Kavya said...
    Tell your FOO.. alls well.. same things happens with me.. DH calls & tells my FOO how unhappy he's with me.. threatens them with divorce... then when they talk to me I tell them ok give me sometime.
    Then I talk to DH & inform parents all's well.. even if few issues were swept under carpet.... my stand is once the family gets involved... it goes beyond repair.

    Also you need an intimate vacation with your DH.. than a family visit... its really going to make a difference... certain harmonal gush changes the way you look and resolve issues.
     
  8. Priya_Mommy

    Priya_Mommy Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    3,087
    Likes Received:
    91
    Trophy Points:
    128
    Gender:
    Female
    Tugga,
    All the very best for your new life!!!
    Dont worry much!! Everything will be sortedout within no time!!!
     
  9. mithy232

    mithy232 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,663
    Likes Received:
    46
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Tugga,

    You did right thing at the right time. :thumbsup Support your DH and your happy days will come back. Do not let anyone interfere in your life....both your family and his family. Just you both be together and I am sure you will come over the problems.

    Take care!
     
  10. sarajara

    sarajara Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    890
    Likes Received:
    428
    Trophy Points:
    145
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Tugga,

    Nice to read your post! Happy for you being back with your husband.

    Of course the hubby's mental condition part is a bit saddening.

    Don't worry Now that you are back it would become alright .Its not a mythical word told since good old days - but its an inherent silent and yet the powerful booster for anyone to have spouse around supporting and being there for one in all good and bad times.

    Great to know that you guys are visiting your parents.Any further discussion on bygones is not needed and i doubt it would be of any constructive effect.

    All that you both need is to have your own space for some more time ( at least a few months). Plan out for a vacation for just the two of you and enjoy yourselves.

    Finding a job is not that difficult. I am sure this problem of your DH's career would be sorted out soon!

    Very glad to see your condition from marriage on the rocks to marriage started rocking! :) :thumbsup:-)

    God Bless! Be happy everything would be alright soon!:thumbsup

    luv,
    Sarajara.
     

Share This Page