My latest affliction....

sujathaumakanth · Jul 20, 2010

[JUSTIFY]"We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops."
-- Henny Youngman

I do not remember when exactly the symptoms crept on me but sure the diagnosis caught me unawares. On hearing my latest affliction, I did run the full gamut of the emotions as postulated by Kubler-Ross : denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. I lasted a bit longer in the denial phase arguing that the symptoms were perhaps temporary in nature and would pass soon. But little did I know then it was a condition to stay.

The medical term for my condition would be "sale-philia".......more colloquially, the lingo in use would be "sale-fever". Increased palpitations, feverish gleam almost bordering on manic proportions, at times sale induced catatonia are few of the symptoms that the placard "sales" in retail shops induce in me. However I have heard of people affected more severely and in some cases the behaviour of the crowd that throng a sales can become unpredictable, sometimes inciting mob frenzy as well.

Despite its roots shared with its more severe sibling condition "shopaholic syndrome" aka "retail therapy syndrome", I was relieved to hear that my condition is less grave and is sometimes seasonal. The medical team is still baffled as to whether this condition could be genetic, but apparently it looks like the case atleast with my mom and I. However the experts in the profession gravely state that despite its non malignant nature, sale-fever is widespread in occurrence, affecting both gender but mostly women regardless of age, background and financial status.

I also learnt that this condition, though disabling the rationale and sensible section of the brain temporarily throwing the victim into a sale-induced stupor, it also, in some cases, enhances the grey cells in some women to learn the other language equivalent of the word "sales". Sadly, I can corroborate with this fact, as during my 5 months stay in Italy, one of the few words that I managed to learn was "saldi"......of course one would know what it stands for when reading this post. Likewise my mom, despite her staunch refusal in learning the Queen's language, can, easily and correctly without anybody's help, pick out the word "sales" with her rather sharply tuned retail antennae.

Well, as with major afflictions, this life-style threatening condition also has its support groups. Usually victims gather at these meetings with full of remorse over their latest forays into bargain sales but not before proudly displaying their acquisitions still complete with their tags displaying their discounted prices. Despite the numerous vows and painful reminders of the long list of credit card expenses blacklisting their name, most of us are repeat offenders still struggling to break out of this condition. Meanwhile not just the spouses complain, but even our closets do trying to contain all our purchases.

PS: This post was written in remorse as a self-flagellation act after yet again spending (3 times just this week alone and it is not even mid-week yet) my hard earned lentil sorting money on stuff that I most definitely do not need. Er, having said this, I still have a few sales to check out the remaining week .[/JUSTIFY]

Raba · Jul 20, 2010

Dear Suja,

I enjoyed reading it:biglaugh.Did you check your temperature? which range is allowed in the salephilia?

//not just the spouses complain, but even our closets do trying to contain all our purchases.//

:rotflso you are trying to beat own record by increasing the shopping count every week.

Good one Suja

meenasankaran · Jul 20, 2010

Dear Suja,

Ha ha ha....you have to excuse me for laughing out loud at your remorseful lamentation of this bottom-line threatening illness but I just can't help it. Hilarious!rotfl

While I can't claim to understand the symptoms of this illness myself being one who would rather be roasted over a slow fire than walk around the mall all day long, I do know lots of people who are suffering from this pocket-draining medical(??!!) condition. And boy, are they going to be happy to hear that help is just a support group away.

I am getting hooked to your posts too so snippet away, my friend.

suria · Jul 20, 2010

:thumbsupdear sujatha,
that was a nice one..a hilarious one..!!:rotflyou too donot know wen it into you==" "do not remember when exactly the symptoms crept on me but sure the diagnosis caught me unawares" "==:biglaugh:biglaugheven i don remember but enjoy it..!!
enjoy the weekend..!!:thumbsup

looking fwd for more posts from you..:thumbsup

Cheeniya · Jul 20, 2010

Dear Suja

Pushing my way through Kubler-Ross, catatonia and such mind boggling names and terms was as difficult as wading through a field stuffed with mines by the Maoists of Bengal but unlike the untrained soldiers, I could successfully negotiate them to realize that you are talking about a deadly disease that has afflicted you. During my recent interactions with you, I have come to regard you as a strong and healthy woman carrying your head high. The trail of mirth that always followed you projected you as the epitome of fun and frolic. It is indeed shattering to hear that you are afflicted with such an incurable disease. Inscrutable indeed are the ways of God!

This post reminds me of Spielberg’s Jaws. I mean not his jaws but his film Jaws released in 1975. We all sat frozen in our seats as the deadly shark carried the humans between its toothy jaws bloodying the sea in its trail. Everyone around watched with horror their dear ones being carried away to the sharky grave quite helplessly. The situation is the same when we watch a person afflicted with ‘salephilia’ We feel the same horror and helplessness too. If you ask me, this salephilia is a greater killer than the Spielberg shark.

It is a great irony that you have written this in the month of Adi when we are witnessing the retail shops crammed with maniacal shoppers. In your postscript, you have stated that you spend your hard earned money on buying things that you ‘most definitely do not need’ That is the terminal stage of this debilitating disease. The early symptoms of this ailment are your running to a shop to buy a fridge that comes with dozen brand new spoons absolutely free. The spoons are the owner’s pride and the neighbor’s envy and are guaranteed to last a life time if they are not stolen. At this stage, the disease is quite curable but unfortunately, no one takes it seriously at that stage until it reaches the terminal stage.

I am silently crying for you, Suja. You certainly do not deserve this!
Sri

knot2share · Jul 21, 2010

Ha Ha Ha! This is not fair ok. You can't expect me to write twice . Just because you have to post a feedback for me twice, how fair can it be to expect the same from me !! Just kidding ok..........

I am loving this time spent on Snippets with writers like you, Meena, Remanambiar, Sri, Kamalji, Raba and others providing some excellent fun filled relaxing time. And of course that will be total injustice if I ignore all the equally fun filled comments on the posts. Sri uncle's comment is too good! I am glad that I do have a company in Meenasankaran, not for opting to be roasted on slow fire, but for wondering why many go so crazy over sales EVERY TIME. Only a few months ago we all girls would have had our gals day out and shopped, and I already begin to hear from them that they need to buy some more tops for work or something else and lets go to DFO one day. Here I am trying to get rid of things that we don't use and have a clean, less cluttery home with just enough necessities. I would like to see how they manage to stack all of those in their wardrobes as it could come in handy for me at some stage. This disease can catch-on anytime in our lives isn't it? I might join you when you decide to check out the remaining few Sales!!!

monifa13 · Jul 21, 2010

Oh Sujatha - Who said there is no cure for this disease you call as 'Sale-philia'? There is! Believe me, you can cure this deadly disease with a very simple operation. You must have heard about gastric Banding in which a lap band is placed around the top portion of the stomach which prevents overeating. In a similar way, just keep all your money and credit cards inside your wallet and tie it as tight as possible with a thick twine and tie it with the strongest knot. ( I would suggest a surgeon's knot.) This should help you. You can also wear a pair of blinkers and walk looking straight ahead whenever you are anywhere near those tempting shops with sales on.

Mindian · Jul 21, 2010

hi suja,

absolutely hilarious and SOOOO well written:thumbsup

but in your case you call it a latest affliction...i am afraid in my case it is congenital...i can never recall a time when I was not lured by the word " sale".
the first half of my life it was my mother and then my hubby..(amazing how they seem to think so similarly on this subject) always making fun of me that sales thrive only because of fools like me...they do wipe out my smile of absolute triumph by commenting on my discounted price that I still probably ended up paying more than what it is worth...
But coming To KL has cured me a little I must say, because this country has too many sales at too many places and at too many times of the year.so it has started to loose its charm..OR I must be growing Old ,after all

Ohhhh and your quote...It is exactly what hubby says of me in a shopping mall or street.))

sujathaumakanth · Jul 21, 2010

Hey dear Aarbee ) You are the first one to give your FB on this post, sweet ) Well, yep I am being a naughty girl again........been out shopping today as well, this is soooooo not going to work out !!!

Am glad you liked the post,
Cheers,
Suja

sujathaumakanth · Jul 21, 2010

Dear Meena aka Humour Queen,

I have to say I do struggle when it comes to writing humour ) Give me soppy stuff anytime of the day!!!

You dont like shopping, wow, aren't you one of the lucky ones.......duh, wish I can walk past a dress shop without stepping in to check the sales selection......sigh I have got it real bad......LOL.

Hugs,
Suja