My Last "india"thread. Plsss Bear With Me..

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by anika987, Sep 30, 2016.

  1. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    preferably last:)


    I feel lonely,crazy lonely.even when i worked..it was like going to job an coming home.then cooking,cleaning.
    life is so monotonous/boring/very routine.hubby is so busy with his job and he has his circle of friends whom he makes sureto meet once every weekend.kid..you know kids..they are happy wherever they are.

    I do not have much friends and the ones i knew moved back to India.i made some now but even when we go out once in a while,i feel blank.going out ,eating and coming home.those ladies are lovely people but it is so boring to go out here to thesame chillis,applebees,olive garden etc.everthing is zombie like..

    I tried explaining to husband.i gave him two options..

    1)you work in usa.u are busy 24/7 and you have ur friends over for weekend.I am dying here.let me go back to India with my kids.i have friends and family.that way i have support too.let's meet every summer.

    he found this option aghast and accused me for being selfish!hello!what about me?what about my life?i cannot live like a zombie here.I need to see people,hear sounds.hubby loves usa,kid,it is her home so they will be ok. what about me?

    2)let us all go back to India..

    he said i will regret.why i asked.I am ready to give up the luxuries,vacations etc..
    he said it is for kids..education wise and kids grow up with more confidence here and that i have the privacy to grow them up without any interference.also,my kid had this problem of speech etc and now everything is resolved thanks to lovely therapists.
    he said facilities are more here for kids..
    think about the kids..


    To add fuel to the fire,today i met this Indian lady in a Parlor..the first things she spoke to me was"do you miss India?"i was suprised..i asked"why u ask?" she said"I am here for 10 years and we save every year just to go to India.my kids do not want to move back and there has not been one day where I have not dreamt of moving back."i felt sad for her.she looked so low..

    Guys,you should see people in India nowadays..i see so many pics in Facebook. it really depresses me.they are living so well!friends,family,outings what not!
    functions,festivals,movies..


    Now,if you were me..would you go back and be in usa for the kids..
     
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  2. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    For me on both points your H is correct.
    You just leave him and meet on summers for the sake of other stuff, he is your immediate family,
    I too believe that kids can grow more confident here and more facilities and out side counselling etc is part and nobody thinks it as different
    ex, speech therapist, third person don't even need to know you took some help for your kid, like that as they grow they may face some issue with learning or social or teenage issue, more help here in the forms of school counselors, teachers, doctors behavior therapy,
    In India, It all available but only in big cities and comes with good charges.


    You can do everything here, except your relatives and family. Try to join college again, you will find friends and you can meet young and like minded people. Or try some art work
     
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2016
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  3. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    Moving to India, whether by yourself or whole family, is a long term plan. You need to think over it. In the meantime, to help keep your sanity, here a re a few things you can do

    1 Plan an India visit. By yourself, with kids or the whole family. That will alleviate your home sickness.
    2 It is important to form friendships with your husband's friends too. And their wives. This way you are not left alone while husband enjoys his friends' company. Make it a family friendship. Of course have your own friends on the side, this way you will have some me/girl time when you need and have fun with your H too.
    3 Go for some kind of volunteering. Teaching kids, Removing hunger or whatever you like. This way you will get a different perspective and will feel good about making a difference.
    4 Plan trips as just family. If he is only interested in his friends, put your foot down and say you need a family vacation. Period.
    5 Plan your daily chores. Can you cut, peel, veggies in advance? Make Dosa, idli, adai, pesarrattu batter over the weekend, so it solves your breakfast problem (in my case, dinner too , because we eat tiffin at night, not whole meals).
    6 Get you H to help out so you have time to do what you feel like. Once he starts helping, ask your kids(depending on their age) to do small chores.

    Living in the USA without help is very difficult. If your H wants to live here, he must make adjustments. Can't have the cake and eat it too.
     
  4. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks soulful..housework is not exactly a problem..it's just the zombie life..
    Movie theatres r dull no josh like India
    Same restaurants
    No functions
    No sounds
    Temples not the same..
    We Have traded summers for winters..
    My close friends again moved back to India
    Making friends again and again is so tiring.In India there r so many people that we can have so many acquaintances atleast..here hardly see my neighbor weeks together..
    One of my good friend did option 1 and she seems very happy.her daughters have also grown up well and is studying there.she says she misses dh but India makes it up for it..
     
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  5. Modita

    Modita Senior IL'ite

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    Hi anika
    I can totally relate to your post. I feel the same way. Its been a year for me nd I feel I am here from a decade.. its very frustrating here.. I so wannna go back.
     
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  6. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Are u newly married modita?where r u located?
     
  7. Modita

    Modita Senior IL'ite

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    It's been one and half year of marriage. I am in California..
     
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  8. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    One of my colleague's wife, started doing eyebrow threading at Indian Boutique/salon few hours daily when her kid was in school. Indian salons are getting popular, guaranteed income with steady customers. Eventually, she opened up herself a place near the mall. Now, she is busier than her husband.

    Have you tried volunteering at your local library or at hospital or as school aid?
     
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  9. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    I have even worked fulltime..problem is the mechanical life..
    missing chennai a lot..my hometown..
    also my vacations were awesome last two year which makes everything more nostalgic
    also fb pics of friends and India makes me more stressed....
     
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  10. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    california weather atleast better than east coast..:)
     

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