My journey towards a new home

aishu22 · Mar 17, 2008

Dear Ilites,
My journey towards a new home? Wondering what am I talking about, is she changing to a new apartment or something? Answer is Noooooo.

This "journey" was the day on which i traveled to my In-Laws place on the third day of my wedding. In Traditional Tamil iyer wedding there’s a tradition called "kaatusada koodai" - which literally means "Packed food basket”. The groom's side is given with the packed food for their journey towards home.

Okay, I’m not going to ramble about KK here. The D day arrived on... I was supposed to travel to my In-Laws place. As I get ready and see around, i can see all my beloved cousins who are soooo close to me chit chatting here and there. They were happy! I saw my uncles and aunt busy vacating the rooms of the mantap and settling money. I looked at my Grand mom/dad they were busy attending to people who were talking to them. I looked at my dad (dear dad), he was not to be seen....I made an enquiry and found out that he’s gone nearby to arrange cabs for my journey to the new home.... I saw my mom, she was busy packing things hiding her feelings in the eye lids and occasionally wiping her tears.

We were all called for food at 10.30 AM and I silently ate(acted as if I ate) with my DH near by and all others eating very happily, making funny comments about me n hubby....Okay food time over, then what? I wondered...They exchanged thamboolams and did sambhandhi mariyadhai(mutual)..Okay... Then what? It struck me....I have to leave now my god...i wasn’t prepared at all......

It all started then, hands shivering/feet trembling refusing to move a step...Eyes opened its supply of water and a steady stream of tears fell down...I started to sob.. And that’s it.....My mom who was already sobbing was now in full swing crying...and lo...all my cousins who were happy till that moment…Joined in too..Aunts, chitthi, paati.. Every body started weeping....I dread to think about that moment even now.

Suddenly I felt, I have not lived enough with my people. I felt like going home with them rather than going with hubby<?xml:namespace prefix = v ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:vml" /><v:shapetype id=_x0000_t75 coordsize="21600,21600" o:spt="75" oreferrelative="t" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" filled="f" stroked="f"> :crazy<v:stroke joinstyle="miter"></v:stroke><v:formulas><v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"></v:f></v:formulas><vath o:extrusionok="f" gradientshapeok="t" o:connecttype="rect"></vath><o:lock v:ext="edit" aspectratio="t"></o:lock></v:shapetype>.Cry or weep, the cabs arrived at exactly 11AM and I knew the moment has come. I boarded the cab much reluctantly and then waved a good bye to everyone around...Saw all their eyes turn red...it was so horrible! My uncle, aunt and 2 of my cousins came to "drop" me in my in laws place. I felt a little bit ok in their presence in the new home and was asked to light lamp and other traditional things. Again, in few minutes, they were ready to leave....not again I thought....but I felt okay now... I did not weep. I cheerfully went and gave kumkum to them and said I'm okay aunty, tell mom....they all smiled....I was smiling too. They left.
What happened to me? All of a sudden, did i become so responsible and matured? What changed me? - I still wonder.

Devika Menon · Mar 17, 2008

Dear Aishu,

What a wonderful write up!! .I guess this is an emotion we all go through. Women cry because they are leaving the home(And Men cry because we are entering their home).
Well I guess what happens is that you practically grow up in your parents home and we always take everyone and everything for granted , But once we have to leave that place and the fear and sheer desperation that we shall not be in here as before makes us break down. It also happens when we are leaving our school .On the last day we all girls were bawling.
At that stage we dont understand that one thing constant in life is change!!

Love ,
Devika

Nivedi · Mar 17, 2008

aishu22 said: ↑

Dear Ilites,

Suddenly I felt, I have not lived enough with my people. I felt like going home with them rather than going with hubby<?xml:namespace prefix = v ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:vml" /><v:shapetype id=_x0000_t75 coordsize="21600,21600" o:spt="75" oreferrelative="t" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" filled="f" stroked="f"> :crazy<v:stroke joinstyle="miter"></v:stroke><v:formulas><v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"></v:f></v:formulas><vath o:extrusionok="f" gradientshapeok="t" o:connecttype="rect"></vath><o:lock v:ext="edit" aspectratio="t"></o:lock></v:shapetype>.
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Hi Aishu,

Well-written post. Most of us Indian women go through this. I like the words in quote - they are so apt in describing those moments. We do not realise we are leaving our home till that moment arrives.

It was different for me. I was happy to leave home. Neither did I cry nor did my mom cry. Because we were living in a large joint family and were having enough troubles from relatives, that both of us felt nice that I was going to a better place. Quite different from most families, is'nt it?

jaanu_2721 · Mar 17, 2008

yup.. gud work ya.Bow

aishu22 · Mar 17, 2008

Dear Devika,
Thanks so much for the reply and for ur appreciative words.I felt that those moment was so filled with emotions.Very true - what you have told about taking things for granted.Our home "feel" never cme to me when i went to my in laws place even after 6 months.Anyhow, i live in a separate home now, its just me n hubby now...

Devika Menon said: ↑

Dear Aishu,

What a wonderful write up!! .I guess this is an emotion we all go through. Women cry because they are leaving the home(And Men cry because we are entering their home).
Well I guess what happens is that you practically grow up in your parents home and we always take everyone and everything for granted , But once we have to leave that place and the fear and sheer desperation that we shall not be in here as before makes us break down. It also happens when we are leaving our school .On the last day we all girls were bawling.
At that stage we dont understand that one thing constant in life is change!!

Love ,
Devika
Click to expand...

aishu22 · Mar 17, 2008

Dear Nivedi,
Thanks for the reply and the appreciation.very true.I felt the pich of leaving home only on that day.Good that ur marriage and leaving home was a happy one for you dear.Yah its different for each one.

nivedi said: ↑

Hi Aishu,

Well-written post. Most of us Indian women go through this. I like the words in quote - they are so apt in describing those moments. We do not realise we are leaving our home till that moment arrives.

It was different for me. I was happy to leave home. Neither did I cry nor did my mom cry. Because we were living in a large joint family and were having enough troubles from relatives, that both of us felt nice that I was going to a better place. Quite different from most families, is'nt it?
Click to expand...

aishu22 · Mar 17, 2008

Hi Jaanu,
Thanks a lot for ur appreciative words

jaanu_2721 said: ↑

yup.. gud work ya.Bow
Click to expand...

SoaringSpirit · Mar 18, 2008

Nicely narrated Aishu. I could literally feel your emotions and “see” you and your family members!

Yeah, leaving parent’s home after marriage leaves you with a feeling of emptiness of sorts. You know that no matter how many times you visit this house again, it will never be the same L.

I got married out of town. So we left my parents home a week before the wedding. The day we left for the wedding, I spent some time going to each of the rooms in the house remembering all the wonderful time I had spent there. My heart ached and I almost felt like postponing the wedding by a few years.

On the day of the wedding when it was time for me to go to my in-laws house, the scene was grim as I was walking with my parents, sisters towards the car. I was trying no to cry (was filling up my mind with all sorts of “practical thoughts”) but sisters and Mom were already crying. Dad was trying to do the same as me. Suddenly the video recording guy came running to us and said we should re-do the “coming out of the marriage hall” part because he had missed recording the whole thing as he was changing the camera batteries! We burst out laughing and could not stop laughing as we did a re-take of the whole walk again. The guy kept telling us to be a little serious, but in vain! Anyway, this helped the otherwise heavy mood to lighten-up immediately

Yeah, when parents visited me in my new home next day for satyanarayan pooja, I was at peace with my new status and did not show any signs of sadness on losing my old status. May be some sort of objectivity kicks in once the initial emotional upheaval is over? Dunno.

SS

Oviya · Mar 18, 2008

Dear Aishu,

That was a great post. You narrated it so well; precisely, emotions wherever necessary and so casual otherwise.

The most paining emotional moment of a girl's life....A mixture of feelings; sad, happy and what not....Probably the first tough time to be so matured.....Considering so many beloved one's....From the family we belonged till date.....And the family which belonged us...

Girl...what's happening?.....I have to live without my parents from now on?......I relived that day again.....

Oviya · Mar 18, 2008

soaringspirit said: ↑

Suddenly the video recording guy came running to us and said we should re-do the “coming out of the marriage hall” part .

SS
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Dear SS,

It was so funny about the videographer. I laughed, too....