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My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it away

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by nb25, Sep 13, 2014.

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  1. Sep 17, 2014 #21
    nb25

    nb25 Gold IL'ite

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    Re: My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it aw

    Hi sdiva20,

    Perhaps I didn't express myself clearly. I did not expect/want it to be like this. I wanted a small marriage, with limited guests. And my in laws were expected to pay for half. It went out of my hands. As I said, my husband's family backed out of paying their half. And my wedding gifts and the jewellery that I got are still with my parents, which is how it should be. I have only some gifts from those that my parents gave to me. I will willingly help my parents as much as I can.

    That said, I see nothing wrong about being concerned for my rights.

    Also, I request you not to make assumptions about things - like not caring for my parents in their old age. I am not asking your help in how to care for my parents. I have already stated my concerns. So if you feel you can not help me address the same, request you to kindly refrain from answering in a discourteous manner.

    Thank you
     
    nb25, Sep 17, 2014
    nb25, Sep 17, 2014
    #21
  2. Sep 17, 2014 #22
    sdiva20

    sdiva20 Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it aw

    OP- Your life, your parents, your wish....You asked opinion on public forum and I expressed mine.

    That said, I don't know what you should do but I would just straight out ask if it were me. If it is gifted to me on my wedding, I have rights to it. I would have politely asked a couple of times and if that did not work, then I would have waited till a time when entire family was present (along with few relatives) and asked in front of them to give the gifts back so I could use it in US......simple solution. In most situations that should work, but if that did not, I would not hesitate to bring in bigger guns to get my way.

    OP - I was not being discourteous but you were the one who mentioned about your parents shelling out for an expensive wedding even to the extend of your dad emptying out his savings. You mention you did not want an expensive wedding then you had a choice. I repeat you are an educated woman with choices.

    You o alsmentioned the expensive wedding was your dowry. Your husband and IL's showed their true colors before the wedding so why did you still go through it??? Greedy people never change - they just become greedier.
     
    sdiva20, Sep 17, 2014
    sdiva20, Sep 17, 2014
    #22
  3. Sep 17, 2014 #23
    nb25

    nb25 Gold IL'ite

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    Re: My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it aw

    Hi sdiva20,

    Thanks for your reply. I will ask my MIL for them.

    I didn't know they would refuse to pay when marriage was fixed. We had clearly mentioned that we would not give dowry. They had said they were against dowry. They themselves said they would pay half the wedding cost.

    Later, when we had finalized the wedding and told every one, in laws refused. I wish I had the choice. But this was an arranged marriage, with lots of pressure from all family members. I did not want to go through with it when I came to know of this. But it was just 2 - 3 days before wedding, and my parents did not want to force in laws.
     
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2014
    nb25, Sep 17, 2014
    nb25, Sep 17, 2014
    #23
  4. Sep 18, 2014 #24
    nb25

    nb25 Gold IL'ite

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    Re: My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it aw

    Just an update on the situation:

    I told my husband to take it up with his mother. He says his mother never takes anything from anyone. She must be having it in the house. She must have forgotten to give it to me.

    I was staying with in laws 1 week after marriage. I don't know how she could forget. She didn't forget to take it from me.

    When I mentioned I had already opened the locker in my name to her, she started rambling, and avoided the issue altogether. I told him of this, and asked him to talk to her.

    He said its only 4 - 5 things that I got. I said I remembered all of his guests giving me things. He said maybe he's not sure but he didn't think there was much in it.

    He has known that my MIL had kept all the jewellery with her for a long time. Yet he said nothing to her. I had told him after marriage that his MIL had not returned my jewellery. But when I asked him to talk to her yesterday, he said he didn't know of this till now.

    Anyway, he agreed its wrong. He also said he will talk to her.
     
    nb25, Sep 18, 2014
    nb25, Sep 18, 2014
    #24
  5. Sep 20, 2014 #25
    Grihani

    Grihani Gold IL'ite

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    Re: My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it aw

    This case reminds me of the cash I received as gift in my marriage through my set of relatives, trusted my FIL to keep and he happily spent it away:-( mostly on his daughter. When we went on honeymoon, he gave some of that money like he is doing us a favor, and bought a saree which till now my in-laws talk about like they did something that no in-laws ever do, buy new DIL a saree ( the only one ever so far)
     
    Grihani, Sep 20, 2014
    Grihani, Sep 20, 2014
    #25
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  6. Sep 20, 2014 #26
    Grihani

    Grihani Gold IL'ite

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    Re: My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it aw

    I would suggest the writer of this thread to forget about the jewelry for now, and like someone suggested ask now and then during occassions and festivals to wear them and then keep with herself.

    Also since she is earning, she can now help her father and also try to return some of the expenses he incurred for her marriage.
     
    Grihani, Sep 20, 2014
    Grihani, Sep 20, 2014
    #26
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  7. Sep 20, 2014 #27
    poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it aw

    nb25,

    First of all, you do not have much use of jewelery when you are here. When such an occasion comes, it will be out of fashion to wear those ornaments. Let it be your ILs or anyone, don't hold against the folks. Past is past and just let it go off the issue.

    Your MIL may have a reason to hold on to it. Many times, I heard it from my mom, it is not free and the gifted gold has to be returned when there is function in their family (at least the same amount). Many times, no one pays attention to the gifts except the ladies in the family when such a function arrives; Usually, my mom rotates the gifted ornaments among the relatives like rings, earrings, pendents or chains etc.
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2014
    poovai, Sep 20, 2014
    poovai, Sep 20, 2014
    #27
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  8. Sep 21, 2014 #28
    Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it aw

    Just keep asking her nicely every two days till she gives in.
     
    Iamagoodgirl, Sep 21, 2014
    Iamagoodgirl, Sep 21, 2014
    #28
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  9. Sep 21, 2014 #29
    persecutedDIL

    persecutedDIL Gold IL'ite

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    Re: My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it aw

    OP, you are too afraid of your MIL, you need to pluck up courage now that you have seen their true colors.
    Somehow, I don't agree with this line of thought because it is against the legal line of thought in India as far as 'streedhan' is concerned. Read my thread on this issue:
    http://www.indusladies.com/forums/relationship-with-in-laws/242251-how-ask-mil-give-back.html

    In my case, some of the jewellery usurped by my MIL was also the one given from my parents' side to husband!
     
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2014
    persecutedDIL, Sep 21, 2014
    persecutedDIL, Sep 21, 2014
    #29
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  10. Sep 22, 2014 #30
    nb25

    nb25 Gold IL'ite

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    Re: My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it aw

    We talk to in laws regularly over phone.
    Yet, DH has not talked to MIL regarding this issue.
    My BIL's marriage has been fixed for November.
    I think MIL wants to keep the jewellery for his marriage.
    I don't know why DH is not talking to MIL.
     
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2014
    nb25, Sep 22, 2014
    nb25, Sep 22, 2014
    #30
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