1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

My husband cheated on me

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Shripm, Feb 16, 2016.

  1. Shripm

    Shripm New IL'ite

    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi ladies.
    I am back after long time on this forum..However I was a silent reader over past few years.
    I have moved back to usa recently. I was in india for past few years and had started working there.My husband moved to usa a year ago. Before that he used to visit usa for short office trip from india. Our's is a love marriage of 10 years .
    I was really enjoying my work in India, but since my husbands job there was very hectic he thought of taking up a project in usa and continue to work here. He moved to usa about a year ago. I stayed back to finish with my son's academic year.I had to give up my job as I thought I should support him and this might be a good shift for my 8 year old son too. I was reluctant to give up on my career though.. as I knew I would be dependent in The Usa.
    Few months ago I found out that my husband is cheating on me.It so happened that I wanted to log on to Fb and I tried to do so on his laptop. However he had left his account signed in. I thought I would delete some pics from his account which I didn't want him to publish..as I tried to search I couldn't find any of those pics. I realized that it's some different account. I suspected this and read all his messages on the same.He had contacted many girls and women and had sent them filthy messages. Those who continued chatting with him, he even expressed his wish to meet them. However from those messages I could make it that none of the girls really showed interest in meeting with him.He had started those chats while he was in India. This was all very shocking and I decided not to disclose about it with him yet.
    After that I tried to find out more and opened his email.. I could break his password somehow. There I saw that he's regularly exchanging mails with one of the escort who's from another state and also sending her money whenever needed. He had expressed his love towards her and also pursued her to move in with him. She's a very young American escort (12 years younger) ..who never showed real interest in establishing committed relationship with him. But she regularly replied him as well. She has a daughter from another man too. While going through enormous amount of emails I found out that he's been regularly going to prostitutes.and this girl he met at one such time..and fell for her. Though he had met her on one of the short visit to usa before moving here permanently. But even after he became serious for her he was regularly seeing prostitutes and she knew about this.she even tried to refrain him from doing that as he also tried to pull her out of this profession. He tried to find out good jobs for her and supported her in every way he can. He was also romantic towards her.. I never experienced his this romantic side or support towards my career. But he started to loose hopes in his relationship with her as she was too reluctant and he thought it would be better to spend energy on working out on our marriage. But he was still mailing her and going to other prostitutes even after me and my son moved to usa. I also found another cell phone in his office bag which I couldn't open.
    Later I askd him straight .He first denied and later he had to accept as I had all those mails with me.I asked him to open his cell phone which was full of smss to prostitutes and to her too.
    He said sorry and showed his eagerness to come out of all this.he begged me to help him to come out of this. I told him that he has to take a treatment at psychiatrist and I would decide my next step only after that..
    Psychiatrist after analysing his situation said that he can be cured. After the treatment he even assured that my husband is feeling very guilty about all this and he needs my support.
    It's been a month after the treatment. However during all this I am experiencing that I have lost all my love & respect towards him and only staying with him for my son. They both are really attached to each other. I am experiencing conflicting emotions that I should go back to India and continue with my career .I can't trust him anymore and can't get over the fact that he's with me for my son's sake and also just because she showed no interest in staying with him. What if this happens again?
    Please help me in coming to the right decision. Should I stay with him even after all this for my son or move back and stand on my feet to start life fresh? How to go about it?
    Sorry about a bit longer post. But I am really looking forward for some help to come out of this situation. .
    Thanks.
     
    Loading...

  2. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,421
    Likes Received:
    3,184
    Trophy Points:
    335
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi

    The reason you had given above is the deal breaker for me if it had happened.

    You have to make a decision on your own as individuals will have different opinions on this.

    Take care,
    Vaidehi
     
  3. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,955
    Likes Received:
    11,421
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    Going to prostitutes, and having an EMA with another woman is the deal breaker for me as well. I would have adjusted with my H if his problems were serious, but none of the above for the sake of whatever. But not for EMA.

    I didn't know that a psychiatric condition that leads to EMA. If so, how can we blame anyone for this?
     
  4. kimmy

    kimmy Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    69
    Likes Received:
    26
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    EMA i can forgive if he is really remorseful but going to prostitutes regularly is dealbreaker for me. He could have all kinds of sexual diseases

    You deserve much better, pls think
     
  5. FreeAtLast

    FreeAtLast Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    58
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    my ex husband cheated on me with prostitutes. The first time I caught him messaging prostitutes he denied it and said sorry. Few years later he did it again. Finally I found a review on a prostitute review site which he wrote detailing everything he did with the prostitutes. All in all it was 11 years of my life. It never stopped. A guy who will do something like that to you doesn't change, because it's a fundamental flaw in his character, judgment, and lack of respect for you. Could he change? Yes. Will he? Very unlikely. I'm sure your husband is sorry now... sorry he got caught. This will erode your self confidence if you stay with him. You will never fully regain your trust in him. And every time you get intimate with him you will think who else he is doing that with and whether you will get a disease. Would you want your son to stay in a marriage like that to make you happy? No. So then why you think he would want you to stay in such a marriage for his sake? A cheater doesn't stop. Next time he'll just be more careful. Good luck with whatever you decide.
     
    3 people like this.
  6. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,628
    Likes Received:
    1,408
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    OP divorcing him is right thing to do.But what after that?Will you able to earn decent income and look after your child alone?Do oyu have nay support in india?
     
  7. kcb

    kcb IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    1,736
    Likes Received:
    3,283
    Trophy Points:
    335
    Gender:
    Female
    OP, this has gone far beyond....first keep distance with him physically, ask him to go for a medical check up....

    Try for a job and make yourself financially independent.....
     
    1 person likes this.
  8. Shripm

    Shripm New IL'ite

    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi all,
    Yeah while at the psychritis marriage counselor he did all his tests which were all clear. We haven't been sharing physical relationship for past few months after I came to know about him. And before that also he was very cold towards my feelings. Recently he's working from home more so that I don't doubt where he's when he's out for home.
    I had discussed this with my sister and sister in laws..they supported me completely. As for my career I was doing very well in india..though I didn't concentrate on my career completely as I wanted to give time to my child.. if I go back to India I have to start from the scratch. .initially it would be difficult but with my family's support I believe I will make it eventually. I just have to build a courage to move out of this relationship and concentrate on building myself.
     
  9. WhytDove

    WhytDove Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    13
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    OP,

    Hugs and strengths to you! You are in a very tough situation. Personally, it would be a deal breaker for me. However, only you know your husband and your relation.

    Whatever the future holds... I wish you the best.
     
  10. JGVR

    JGVR Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    999
    Likes Received:
    675
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Your husband has regretted his actions and said he needs your support to come out of this.You have also checked his medical records.IMO, give him a chance to prove himself worthy for you.Leaving him and going back to India will do no good.It will only give him another chance to go back to his old ways.If you are sure about leaving,leave only if you have divorce in your mind.If you want to continue the marriage,give him a chance and live life normally for some months as if nothing had happened and see how it goes.
     

Share This Page