my hubby's friendship

I liked the points raised by Serenity john...yes marriage is all about trust!

 

Ask your brother to start calling you midnight & sending you love sms under a false identity :thumbsup.

Some ppl tend to realise only when it hits them hard.
I said brother cos he shall know you better, he's a male voice & then he wont fall in love for you for wrong reasons aor signals........

 

I hate to be the one to sound so cruel, but you have to take things seriously. There is a good chance that (by your description) something is going on with the two of them.

Serenity John - great advice but this couple is in India. I presume the OP and husband were born and raised in India. It would be a general friendship if we were talking about people living in Europe or US but people (of the opposite sex) in India do not become best friends without something else in common!!! I've had lots of guys who were great friends while growing up...my best friend was also a guy. But after I got married that guy is on the back burner. When he calls he speaks to my DH, he doesn't call me at night, I don't go to the balconey or wherever to talk to him and I most definitely do not hold the conversations I have with him from my DH. That is just rubbish! This guy is clearly covering something up.

This guy has yet to introduce his wife of 1 year to this girl, the girl doesn't call his landline but only his cell - and that at odd hours, the girl gives him bday gifts, he goes mad when the wife checks his phone, he even went to the extent to put a password on it. HELLO people - WAKE UP! There is something going on and SA7500, you should get to the bottom of this. Of course, he's going to tell you that he does want you to leave. That would make him look like a fool and a cheat in front of everyone. I'm sure he loves you but lots of men love their wives while having an affair. It has nothing to do with love!!!

I'm not saying that your husband is cheating on you but his actions are suspicious. Either confront the girl, your DH -yet again, or have family members intervene if you are not able to get to the bottom of this stupidity.

You deserve an honest husband and if he is keeping secrets - however innocent - he is not being honest!

 

Sa7500,

I really feel you need to put your foot down and ask your DH that you need to clearly understand what kind of friendship he shares with the girl.

I feel there is something fishy cos:

1.If this girl is a real friend,then what is the need for him to hide messages from you.He can as well talk to this girl when you are there.Why runaway??

2.No "friend" would call in the middle of the night unnecessarily or even message "I love you"

You have every right to question him and its his responsibility to answer.

Any "normal" unmarried girl wouldn't be messaging "I love you" to a married man or even calling him unnecessarily.

If I were you,I would make sure that I find out whats happening and if my DH keeps giving such lame answers then I would get the girl's number and scold her left and right and ask her to stop disturbing us.JMO

You have every right to know whats happening cos you are his wife.

Please calm down and take control of the situation.

 

sa7500,
I am really sorry you are going through a rough time, early on in your marriage.

Here's what I think: it takes time to build something, especially a long-term relationship like marriage. Give yourself, and your husband some time to come to the point where things just fall in place naturally and you both understand each other perfectly, where you're both on the same frequency. It does not happen just because you're married, it takes time to get to that point - so give each other some space and time to get to that point. Trusting each other, giving each other space is important, especially in the early days.

If you think that aside this particular behavior, he is perfectly trustworthy, is honest with you and with others in other aspects of his life - trust him on this. Perhaps he really is just friends with her, and some people have a stronger concept of personal space - so if a friend had something really personal going on, that does NOT concern my spouse, I would tell my spouse it had nothing to do with them and that I need to support my friend through it. Sure enough, if I were serious about it, I'd expect spouse to understand and trust me on that - and he would. Because sometimes, we just have to trust them and take a leap of faith.

That said, if you objectively think about it, and find dishonesty in other areas of his life, in other aspects of his personality - perhaps you might not be able to trust him about this. In that case, you might want to find out about what is going on. Say you visit spouse at work, happen to meet her, or something such and try to get a feel for whats going on. Perhaps you might want to get help from a common friend at work or something - but that is a minefield if nothing's going on. Its tricky.

In any case, take care of yourself. It will not do anyone any good if you neglected your health and so on over this. You need to be strong, and level headed - that is the only way you'll be able to make good decisions!

 

This is one of the possible scenarios I would think of.

May be she is very much interested on your husband but mostly men don't get married if there parents are not interested. Because of his family pressure he might not able to get married to that girl and married to you. But still he might have soft corner for her. That’s why she might not have come to your marriage. If it is regular friendship, I don't believe any reason for her not coming to marriage and I believe your husband simply covering up.
One way you can do, you need to know your husband close buddies and they definitely should know the story. Just call them usually and enquire about the story.
Give your husband a strict warning and leave the place. He should straight up his priority and he can't play this game any more.

 

Like everyone else said it should not be very difficult for you to guess that your husbands relationship with the girl is beyond friendship

Considering this is a fact, you should now think further on how you want to handle it .........dont waste ur time trying to re-establish the fact that you already know

Your DH doesnt seem to have any fear or guilt about what he is doing....so again considering this as a fact you should think what are other ways to solve this......maybe talking to the girl directly

You have to a take a risk....here are a couple of ways

a) Talk to the girl, tell her doesnt she feel low to be a mistress of a married man ......

b) tell your husband to choose, you or the girl

In short....take action or suffer

 

OP no matter what you feel what others say, take this from me, I have first hand experience in such matter, people like your husband will do things they feel they should, they will pay a hoot to your feelings. It does not matter if he says I love you, he is a Dominant personality, and will remain so, no matter what you try to convince him, he would not understand any damn thing and in fact feel you are being intrusive and controlling, he would also try to make you feel jealous, he gets a message on phone with words like I love you from his friend, common we dont need Rocket science to undersand this problem. He is introvert, a cunning person, I am not saying to demotivate you but cunning persons are like these , they wont say anything like he does not speak to you with open heart, takes call from balcony and when you confront he abuses in anger.

What more does it portray. You wont be able to do anything, your speaking would mount to your weakness and his victory, the more you speak the more he gets defensive and enjoys his so called Dominance

I have a suggestion for you for some days, dont show any anger, dont even bring that topic, behave indifferent, dont be over nice to him, be on surface, if he asks you say you are ok, keep doing this for few days, let him sense something, let him come to the edge and then you can put your point and not from discussion point of view, say to him, I am your wife, I am married to you, what you do in office whether you meet , go to lunch etc is not my business, but when I see you taking calls privately, someone sending you messages privately it is My business because I am your wife, you did a commitment to marry me and you need to understand the institution of marriage, if he is still arrogant, which I know he will , then you will have to decide how to be harsh on him, you have to be hard on him, stop this I love him crap, this is bull ****, you will keep sayign I love you and be emotional and he will keep doing what he wants to . This is the truth

 

Wow! Tridev, You sound like a psychologist!
Are you one??