Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by blessed, Feb 14, 2018.
@blessed you keep mentioning "WE " " WE " . I understand how close knit you are with your sister and how you may have loved and taken care of your nephew as if he is your own son . But to his wife you all are just her husbands " extended family " " his relatives " . That is just how it is.
Hi Blessed...there were too many replies to read but I will just say that your sister should not expect much from son or daughter. From your posts it seems that post marriage something happened. His wife may not be bad but some women are manipulative. They know how to have their own way. I remember a cousin of my husband who used to be friendly with me stopped talking to me two days after his wedding. So live your life and don't bother.
Similar case of a relative. The boy was everyone's favourite till his marriage. Post marriage he is not able to even talk normally to his aunts and cousins. Even now the relatives like him but he is not able to reciprocate or be like before. God knows if he is walking on egg shells or afraid of divorce or busy impressing his wife trying to show that he is only hers.
You said it Paru
This is what we are undergoing right now. Leave alone his aunts and uncles he is not even communicating properly to his cousins. He is not being with his wife 24/7 if he really wants he can be in touch even without her knowledge, after all this is not some illegal relationship.
Why should he be in touch without his wife’s knowledge? There doesn’t have to be any secrecy between couples. That’s not how good couple relationships work.
Since you are a close knitted family, you can help your sister. You just need to give her positive advises. She needs to forgive past. Elders need to be examples. She needs to call her son and enquire how dil is doing.
Also, ask yourself a question. Your expectations from your nephew’s wife and niece’s husband will be same? If not, you need to check and correct there. Will
Your sister do the same to her future son in law? Life is short, happiness is in our hands,
Few good things I learnt from my husbands mom. She never talks about bitter past. She will never ever backbite about her dil to relatives. You know why? She loves her son.
I like all your points. You are very mature and gave very good suggestions / solutions .
So basically anyone can change after a marriage. Be it the son, daughter or in-laws. Relationships affect our personalities in surprising and shocking ways.
There is a different rule book for DIL vs son in law. The rule book for DIL’s is pretty thick and has many pages.
They think daughters happiness is tied to her husband but forget that their own sons happiness is tied to his wife.
Your MIL is a gem !
The first few interactions of the family with the new DIL are very crucial in setting the tone of their relationship for the rest of their lives. DIL may forgive but never forget. Unfortunately most in laws come with preconceived notions about the DIL like here.
The onus of making sure that the parents and wife have a decent relationship is on the son too. One cannot assume that the DIL is a conniving plotting evil woman.
My MIL seems to follow the wrong book for me then I guess.