My grandma says we are missing something......by not living with our inlaws.

Tara, nice topic but I think the majority of us would disagree with your grandma...LOL

We have more choices now....a lot more than what she had....she had to put up with a lot whereas we don't have to. I'm sure there are pros and cons to both situations but for now, we'll take the chance and live seperately

 

That generation used to have most of the time agriculture or family businesses where all the family tied to each other and they have no option of living seperate.So the only option left was adjust and compromise because the main source of income tied to family business or agriculture.
That generation women used to get married at fairly young age by the time 24 they will 4 or 5 kids.So where the women will have time even to think of seperate.So obeviously she need support from others to raise those kids and for them it's to be around people because of amount of kids.
Our circumstances are very different from them and the needs .So we have no way of comparing with your grandma generation.These days lot of people prefer jobs than working in family businesses and lot more like that.

 

Even if they give million dollars I dont want to stay with her. I am not joking it is 100% true. I want to feel good, peaceful, and be myself thats all I need . I till date dont missing anything I miss something only the time I lived with her.
ours is arranged marriage she liked me so much before marriage and now I am the most worst person in the world for her. she gave me so much trouble that I find myself very hard to find life happy. I forgot to enjoy /be happy these days .... Bcoz of her I truley never hated anyone like this in the world before this.

but living together brought us closer, understand our differences and temperments and adjust and learn to tolerate each other better.
this is the one my husband keeps telling me everytime but you know what this is what makes our life so difficult .....

 

I agree with Priya !! :thumbsup It is more to do with the social and economic situation then. They used to have a dozen of kids by the time they understand what life is. They used to not work, so it a'int easy to say, if I was independant and working like you.. because, they are clueless about how it is to be when working.. it is not like working in the field and getting back home for lunch.. It was a very very rare thing that women used to work outside then. The family bound to each other and were dependable for finance and social status. So, it is easy to say..

Just like how we say, wonder how you used to tolerate grandpa's tantrums.. they similarly wonder why it isnt easy for women to bear and grunt all the weird tantrums now !

Moreover, Tara another thing I feel is, our grandparents, think they set an example to us.. so giving out any details or any bad experiences make them feel, we youngsters could get ' misguided ' about marriage / inlaws etc ! Actually, it isnt so. Though we know what we want in life and know what respect we deserve, their way of leading family is , according to them THE BEST ! Probably this is what we call " generation gap " !

Wait till our grandkids tell us what we had to know.. it would be lott more different and shocking, I guess !

 

I dont think we are missing anything by not living with in laws. What exactly will we miss? Constant bossing around?? treating us like we are dimwits.Abusing us for anything and everything. Icing on the cake wud be husbands joining them in daily indian soap opera.I dont think I miss that side of drama.

In fact by not staying are we really missing all the damage the holiness called in laws can do. Definitely not. We do get our share staying with/without them.

One major advantage to our life is our kids to some extent grow up in a lot better way without our in laws pitching in their daily dose of your mom is this/ that.

When in laws turn into angels on earth , I too will become a Sooraj Barjatya movie bahu and move in with them. Neither will any of the above cases happen if in laws remain as they are. So there we are safe.When my in laws start worrying about what damage they did to me and try to reform, I wont feel guilty about this set up .

 

Hi Tara

I completely disagree with your grandma's view .She is right in her own generation whre she would have got married even before puberty and so she probably lived with inlaws more than the parents so they tend to depend on in laws for both mental and financial support .That doesnot work out for the current generation .I have good in lwas but I am definetly not in any mood to move in with them neither with my parents unless there is real need .

You can live closer to them but just living in with them will definetly cause trouble

 

Ok, I was going to play the devil's advocate, but I realize that you will call me a devil's advocate anyway. It will be my PILs' choice whether they want to live with us or not. We don't live in India now, but when we move back, that's what it will be. I don't like the idea of my mother living alone (she enjoys it now, while she has energy and great friends around, and would be miserable staying away from her home base permanently, but she does spend quite some time with my brother and family, and to a lesser extent, with my sister and family), and I don't blame my husband for not wanting his parents to live alone in their old age. If we don't end up moving back to the same city they live in, they'll probably do the same. Spend time at their own place and visit us for extended periods of time. But if they choose to live with us full time, so be it. We'll just have to figure out a way to stay out of each other's hair. It becomes more important when living together, as the potential for problems is greater that way.

Now, I am not saying that I'll clap in glee when it happens (however good they are, they aren't my parents, and so the comfort level will always be lower), but I think that both hubby and I have equal rights to ask our parents to come and live with us. Whether they'll do so or not, I don't know.

With known deliberate problem creators, of course, it is a different issue. I definitely agree. Adjusting should go both ways.

 

Hmm.... my grandma too like yours, told me the same thing.This was my reply to her. "Grandma, why are you using mixer grinder now and not the one by hand, like in olden days". She said it was more of convenience and time saving. I said then its the same answer !! lol!!

So lets walk zamane ke saath.If we can enjoy the benefits of current technology and present day developments, then why should we stick to old beliefs it it is not giving happiness to everyone.

 

well - I can understand that in those days women would get married before they were 10 so maybe they in some sense grew up more with their in laws than their parents ... I just cant see it working in today's times though . No matter how nice the inlaws are I cant see it being the best solution .

I agree with Malavika - I cant imagine living with either parents or in laws , much as I would like to care for them in their old age . i guess living close by is the best option . Hopefully it will be feasible when the time comes !

 

Tara, I think u shud warn ur grandma that whatever they ask for in their final days is finally what GOD plans their next life as in a BEDAZZLED (movie) manner :crazy. And its def not a v gud idea in current generation.

Those were the days when slavery was also ok and also there were sweepers who'd pick up human faeces from their houses, a babyless woman was pelted with stone untill death or worse her younger sis married in to bear children, also women would follow sati ... a lot has changed since then and women are living like humans with fundamental rights.

Also in those days the oldies followed specific age ranges to study, marry, produce kids, retire & goto himalayas for meditation.. leaving their then DILs to rest for sometime.. however these days... my own grandma in her 80s is never misses an opportunity to take a flight to Boston / Paris & hang around the most romantic beaches in tiny shorts and still boast off that picture in front of us... same grandma forced my mom to keep pallu due to which she got burnt once......
Also same grandma was telling my SIL to keep her head covered and touch everyone's feet everyday.

From my experiece I too agree to Manaswini
Yes, we are missing a lot of things....like headaches, unwanted tension and unsolicitated opinions....but I think I can live with that loss. :rotfl :rotfl