My grandma says we are missing something......by not living with our inlaws.

Tara09 · Feb 24, 2010

What would our grandmas think about the way we are with our inlaws these days??

My grandma 89yrs old, a very talented lady in knitting, crochet, cross-stitch,emroidery and an excellent cook. She studied till 7th grade and was considered highly educated those days. She had 10 kids. Purely agricultural family. Worked from 4am to 10-11pm in and outside house(on farm if needed).
She said if given a choice she WOULD NEVER opt to LIVE SEPARATELY from her inlaws.
I thought wow!! her inlaws were great then. She said and my dad and uncles and aunts confirmed that her MIL was a neat freak, a strict and authoritative MIL.
I asked her is it because that is all ingrained in you ladies those days that you have to live with your inlaws, that you are saying so.

She said, NO, it is not that., even if I was independent like you I do not consider living like how you do.
Even though we had lot of differences but living together brought us closer, understand our differences and temperments and adjust and learn to tolerate each other better. She was infact saying this generation ladies are running away from inlaws because more than anything goes wrong or not they are not having that attitude of adjusting to one another's differences and having patience and respecting elders. In the name of individualism, independence they are actually not seeing the good in that way of living together. There are so many good things and warm moments you can have but you are always assuming only the negative.....sometimes even before some bad happens or not.

What do you say ILites here??

Malavika81 · Feb 25, 2010

What do you say ILites here??
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I say Grandma is dead wrong and senility is catching up with her:rotfl

Manaswini08 · Feb 25, 2010

Yes, we are missing a lot of things....like headaches, unwanted tension and unsolicitated opinions....but I think I can live with that loss.

sorry!

Tara09 · Feb 25, 2010

Malavika, Manaswini......Thanks...had a hearty laugh...:rotfl:rotfl

luckybychance · Feb 25, 2010

may be she is true...
but with the fact and thought that sometihing bad or worse may happen, we dont want to take the risk of living together...

Malavika81 · Feb 25, 2010

but with the fact and thought that sometihing bad or worse may happen, we dont want to take the risk of living together...
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No, it is more like

With the known fact and thought that very little good may happen, we avoid that like the plague LOL

You cannot put your hand inside a bag of snakes hoping to pull out a rabbit :rotfl

asuitablegirl · Feb 25, 2010

Maybe my heart is made out of tin or hollow or an icy field of coldness... because in all honesty, I do not long for "warm moments" with my inlaws on a day to day basis.

Yes, I always wanted to have a good relationship with them, because life can be so happy and fun when everyone is getting along. Holidays are more exciting, the birth of a kid is more joyous, the death of a relative is made easier with care and support of family. However, I don't need (or want) that 24/7. I just don't!

Also, what does living with elders have to do with respecting them? I don't live with every old person on earth, yet when I come accross an elderly person out in the real world, I always respect them (unless they do something to lose that respect). So same way, can't respect for inlaws be given with both living in a seperate house?

Plain and simple, patience crimps my style. Call me selfish, but I like to be King of my castle (i.e. my little apartment). That's what matters most to me. Doing things the way I want, and feeling SAFE and HAPPY in my home matters MOST to me... waaaaay more than "warm moments" with my inlaws. Warm family moments?? I got those with my hubby. And in a few years, I'll have them with my kids. And I WISH I had them once or twice a year with my inlaws, or that we were at least on speaking terms, but even if my inlaws were my BEST FRIENDS, I wouldn't want them around 24/7. I don't like too many people all up in my space... and living in a joint family would push me over the edge.

Your grandmom is right in that women of today are tolerating less bad behavior from inlaws and adjusting less. But I don't think that's a bad thing. And I think it depends on each person's values. For some women, having family constantly around, small happy moments with them, and doing "family duty" would outweigh any negatives that come from joint family. But for me, my desire for personal space, my ability to live how I want, is FAR GREATER than my desire to catch all of those "warm family moments". I'm content with just catching "a few". It seems for your grandmom, the happy moments would have made it all worthwhile. But for me, it wouldn't. And hence if I were born during your grandmom's time, today I'd be one of those cranky old women bitter to the core about being sucked into a joint family system.

asuitablegirl · Feb 25, 2010

Yes, we are missing a lot of things....like headaches, unwanted tension and unsolicitated opinions....but I think I can live with that loss.
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Hahaha me too. :rotfl

confirmed that her MIL was a neat freak, a strict and authoritative MIL.
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This does not sound appetizing to me. It sounds scary!

Tara09 · Feb 25, 2010

Maybe that is the difference between early 1900s and now

Malavika81 · Feb 25, 2010

ASG, I don't think you are tin-hearted or icy cold for wanting to keep the in-laws at a comfortable distance. You are pragmatic and you like your space, like we all do. Well all want to have cordial relations with in-laws but at the same time keep them at a healthy distance.

Your house or flat is your private space and not many people would like to have someone invading the space or telling you what to do. Living together with in-laws or parents simply does not work in modern societies. We need our space and time for ourselves and don't need someone micromanaging us and if people cannot understand that, be it in-laws or parents or whoever, then c'est la vie.