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My grandma says we are missing something......by not living with our inlaws.

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Tara09, Feb 24, 2010.

  1. Tara09

    Tara09 New IL'ite

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    What would our grandmas think about the way we are with our inlaws these days??

    My grandma 89yrs old, a very talented lady in knitting, crochet, cross-stitch,emroidery and an excellent cook. She studied till 7th grade and was considered highly educated those days. She had 10 kids. Purely agricultural family. Worked from 4am to 10-11pm in and outside house(on farm if needed).
    She said if given a choice she WOULD NEVER opt to LIVE SEPARATELY from her inlaws.
    I thought wow!! her inlaws were great then. She said and my dad and uncles and aunts confirmed that her MIL was a neat freak, a strict and authoritative MIL.
    I asked her is it because that is all ingrained in you ladies those days that you have to live with your inlaws, that you are saying so.

    She said, NO, it is not that., even if I was independent like you I do not consider living like how you do.
    Even though we had lot of differences but living together brought us closer, understand our differences and temperments and adjust and learn to tolerate each other better. She was infact saying this generation ladies are running away from inlaws because more than anything goes wrong or not they are not having that attitude of adjusting to one another's differences and having patience and respecting elders. In the name of individualism, independence they are actually not seeing the good in that way of living together. There are so many good things and warm moments you can have but you are always assuming only the negative.....sometimes even before some bad happens or not.


    What do you say ILites here??
     
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2010
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  2. Malavika81

    Malavika81 Bronze IL'ite

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    I say Grandma is dead wrong and senility is catching up with her:rotfl
     
  3. Manaswini08

    Manaswini08 Bronze IL'ite

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    Yes, we are missing a lot of things....like headaches, unwanted tension and unsolicitated opinions....but I think I can live with that loss.

    sorry! :)
     
  4. Tara09

    Tara09 New IL'ite

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    Malavika, Manaswini......Thanks...had a hearty laugh...:rotfl:rotfl
     
  5. luckybychance

    luckybychance Senior IL'ite

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    may be she is true...
    but with the fact and thought that sometihing bad or worse may happen, we dont want to take the risk of living together...
     
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  6. Malavika81

    Malavika81 Bronze IL'ite

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    No, it is more like

    With the known fact and thought that very little good may happen, we avoid that like the plague LOL

    You cannot put your hand inside a bag of snakes hoping to pull out a rabbit :rotfl
     
  7. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Maybe my heart is made out of tin or hollow or an icy field of coldness... because in all honesty, I do not long for "warm moments" with my inlaws on a day to day basis.

    Yes, I always wanted to have a good relationship with them, because life can be so happy and fun when everyone is getting along. Holidays are more exciting, the birth of a kid is more joyous, the death of a relative is made easier with care and support of family. However, I don't need (or want) that 24/7. I just don't!

    Also, what does living with elders have to do with respecting them? I don't live with every old person on earth, yet when I come accross an elderly person out in the real world, I always respect them (unless they do something to lose that respect). So same way, can't respect for inlaws be given with both living in a seperate house?

    Plain and simple, patience crimps my style. Call me selfish, but I like to be King of my castle (i.e. my little apartment). That's what matters most to me. Doing things the way I want, and feeling SAFE and HAPPY in my home matters MOST to me... waaaaay more than "warm moments" with my inlaws. Warm family moments?? I got those with my hubby. And in a few years, I'll have them with my kids. And I WISH I had them once or twice a year with my inlaws, or that we were at least on speaking terms, but even if my inlaws were my BEST FRIENDS, I wouldn't want them around 24/7. I don't like too many people all up in my space... and living in a joint family would push me over the edge.

    Your grandmom is right in that women of today are tolerating less bad behavior from inlaws and adjusting less. But I don't think that's a bad thing. And I think it depends on each person's values. For some women, having family constantly around, small happy moments with them, and doing "family duty" would outweigh any negatives that come from joint family. But for me, my desire for personal space, my ability to live how I want, is FAR GREATER than my desire to catch all of those "warm family moments". I'm content with just catching "a few". It seems for your grandmom, the happy moments would have made it all worthwhile. But for me, it wouldn't. And hence if I were born during your grandmom's time, today I'd be one of those cranky old women bitter to the core about being sucked into a joint family system.
     
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2010
  8. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Hahaha me too. :rotfl

    This does not sound appetizing to me. It sounds scary!
     
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2010
  9. Tara09

    Tara09 New IL'ite

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    Maybe that is the difference between early 1900s and now
     
  10. Malavika81

    Malavika81 Bronze IL'ite

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    ASG, I don't think you are tin-hearted or icy cold for wanting to keep the in-laws at a comfortable distance. You are pragmatic and you like your space, like we all do. Well all want to have cordial relations with in-laws but at the same time keep them at a healthy distance.

    Your house or flat is your private space and not many people would like to have someone invading the space or telling you what to do. Living together with in-laws or parents simply does not work in modern societies. We need our space and time for ourselves and don't need someone micromanaging us and if people cannot understand that, be it in-laws or parents or whoever, then c'est la vie.
     

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