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My Friend's Husband Getting Physically Abused

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by beauty2015, Jan 3, 2016.

  1. beauty2015

    beauty2015 New IL'ite

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    Hii all,

    About my Friend - Female -
    Friendly and nice. But always curious to know about others life, constantly asking unlimited questions for silly things. Comparing her life with other for no reason. Comparing husbands and even sons.

    She is well educated, living good life.. not working, have full time house maid 8 - 4, so in the morning she dont have to work even a bit after maid leaves, her husband is doing all house chores etc. She gets up at 10 or may be 12 in the noon. Never happy with her life, always complains of no time full busy with kids n all where as I feel she is having leisure time to look after house and kids.

    Her husband:
    Works in good firm earns well, good person by heart.. but he is very scared of society and people around.. scared to talk to anyone... Cannot even talk freely to me or my husband or anyone.. Lack of self confidence.

    Recently i heard from my other friends that my this friend is emotionally torturing her husband, about job and money, she dont let her husband give single ruppee to his mom as she is getting some pension.... Lately i came to know she also give him physical torture... Slap him or beat him by using house things and he is quite for all this...

    He one day tried to commit suicide for which she got more angry and started beating him more badly... I was very upset hearing these things.

    I knew my friend is torturing her husband emotionally and by abusing by words in front of all but this is too much...

    But i think it is Husband mistake...He dont have confidence in himself..
    IF a lady is abused she can go and ask for help to family or police etc.
    If a man is abused by lady where can he go????

    Feel sad for this person...
     
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  2. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    Certainly ask him to file a police complaint.
     
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  3. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Which country? India, Kuwait, or elsewhere? If Kuwait, better to be careful with police complaint.
     
  4. aamrapali

    aamrapali Gold IL'ite

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    Everytime you get a chance, maybe hint to her subtly the risks of physical violence and importance of anger management. Some day by mistake in a fit of anger she may hurt him fatally or he may end up taking his life - either way she will spend rest of her life in prison drowning in guilt and her kids will be orphans. Show her movies where people are injured seriously because of a simple fist fight (some recent tamil movies I saw are Naan and Kuttram Kadithal). She seems to be very immature. An idle mind is truly a devils workshop. Sitting at home all day doing virtually nothing has spoilt her rotten. Give her a dose of reality check everytime you get to spend time with her about harsh realities of life so she comes out of her pampered cucoon.
     
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  5. MLP1

    MLP1 Silver IL'ite

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    Your friend's husband seems to have very low self esteem. He needs to see a psychiatrist or a psychologist for counselling.
     
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  6. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Tell your friend she is a shameless abuser.Let her know if her husband needs support to file a complaint,you and other friends will side by him.Let her know what is he punishment for such criminal behavior.

    What do you have to lose? A shameless abuser friend?
     
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  7. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    op why are you are you still her friend?cut her loose.
     
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  8. vidhyabaskar

    vidhyabaskar Gold IL'ite

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    Marriages where husbands get abused by wives do exist, though they are very rare. I have seen a husband regularly being beaten by his wife. After close interaction, I found out the husband is having borderline mental retardation !

    Some really abnormal thing must be in the husband like the above example. ( in such cases)
     
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  9. sdiva20

    sdiva20 Platinum IL'ite

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    Looks like this "friend" is not the only one who is interested in gossip. Listening and or spreading gossip is just as wrong. You don't have all facts so anything you think you know is speculation. You cannot do anything based on speculation. Can you imagine how serious an issue is it if you are wrong? You will be guilty of maligning both their reputations.

    That being said, marital abuse of any kind is serious issue. Without all facts, all you can be is a good friend and looks for signs of abuse and confront your friend with facts. If she belittles her husband in front of you tell her clearly that she is wrong. Stand up directly for what is right and tell her if one makes a complaint she can be in serious trouble. A man or woman can go to authorities if spouse is mentally or physically torturing them. The same laws that protect women in marital abuse protects the men too.


     
  10. ennakshatram

    ennakshatram Bronze IL'ite

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    According to beauty2015's post, a woman is emotionally and physically hurting him. Although beauty2015 feels sad for this man, she thinks the guy is also responsible for his predicament. It is great to see many of you have condemned the wife. But one person thinks the guy must be mentally ill and another thinks HE needs to see a psychiatrist.

    Here is my question: How can a man go out and have fun with others if he is being harassed by his wife emotionally and physically?

    Please be little more thoughtful. There are men who will never use arrogance, rudeness, or any kind of force when faced with a hopeless situation. OP writes the guy works and not abusive. The wife doesn't go to work and has a maid to do most of the household chores. She demands her husband to help with whatever chores the maid couldn't do too. She does not let him help his mother financially, and has driven him to suicide.

    Every man and woman must have some level of maturity and understanding. We all must play our parts to fulfill at least the minimum expectations of the society we are living in. If all that the OP writes is accurate, this wife has no humanity in her. How can a man teach any sense to her? If a man/woman thinks that it is okay to harass your partner even when he/she is good, kind and doing more than his/her share of work, there is really no hope. This kind of man or woman does not belong in a family. I simply don't see a solution. As far as I know, people like this will never change or behave. Very often they would have had bad role models in their parents. In this case, the man suffers. The least bystanders like us can do is spare a thought for the unfortunate victim and not send him to a mental house or call him a wimp. Again, there is a minimum standard that we all must uphold. When one does not, his/her partner is doomed. Really sad.
     
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