My FIL is a gold digger

ProReal,

Don't loose your Anniversary.
I believe this is not right time for your husband to call his parents. Politely tell him that, during pregnancy and post pregnancy people are very emotional and physically and mentally week. So you can't handle them in your house. So let us not call this time and we will think about it later. Tell him you need some one who can give emotional support.
If say something again ,tell that you are there with him all the time and supporting him and can't you support me this time.
What about your parents? Pregnancy and in-laws never be a good combination. Enjoy your anniversary and don't loose your heart.
You and your husband handwork will pay one or another form. You may bless with great children or something else. So don't worry on the past and please don't agree to call your in-laws. This is not a time
:notthatway:

 

The best way to approach this is patience.

First of all enjoy your anniversary and take care of yourself for your child.Your ILs will be in your life so you can oly delay thier coming.

Tell your husband that you would love to have them.However in the post partum period a girl needs her mom..You will be learning to breast feed etc and its embarrassing in front of ILs.

Also ask him a question"If you ever have a major surgery..do you want your mom or my mom at that time" Pregnancy is similar too...Do tell him that please invite them after the child is 3 months old...Thats the best time a skids anyways just stick with mom..

About the loans..do keep paying them but pay yourself first always..every months salary save $100.....and tell your husband ..this is for a vacation...when you have enough..just go..

Good Luck.

 

First off, don't ruin your anniversary for this. Celebrate! Next year it won;t be the two of you, do something special.

Second, see what your legal options are. I am not sure, but you don't have to tell your inlaws. Try to understand if you are protected in anyway. For everything that you and your husband paid, your names should be on his will.

Lastly, don't keep a grandchild from its grandparents, its cruel. I know they are cruel, but you know.. it cannot be justified in the end.

Take care of yourself!

 

Sad!!!
Tell you hubby that now you are pregnant and you want to plan for future of your children. You want to give them best education just like yourself and hubby and so you have to start saving money for yourself and children. Tell him that although he is a wonderful son but the future generation might not be as nice as he is and so when you will be old you will have to take care of your finances yourself and your children may not be able to support you.

Then tell him all that you have written in this thread. Tell him very patiently and in a calm voice that over past few years there have been loans, loans and more loans and god knows how many more loans might be hiding under.
Tell your husband to fix a reasonable monthly sum to give to inlaws which should be sufficient to take care of their food and with which they can afford a house (rented if required). Tell him that you have done enough for you parents and just give them enough so that they can maintain a reasonable living. Tell him that yes it is selfish to ignore demands of parents and not take care of them but for your children you have to become a little selfish.

Talk to your husband atleast once. He may not agree immediately but give him time. Once you talk to him and he doesn't look like agreeing just tell him to think over it because it is now not a matter of you and him but your children.

You need to get over your loans or else you and your hubby will just burn yourself out.

-AJ

 

Seriously... every time I read your message I feel even worse. It looks like your husband listens to you. You say that he asked you before fixing a house for your inlaws. So why don't you try talking to your hubby once.

See you are a nice DIL. You have done so much but ofcourse their is a limit to everything. Talk to your hubby. Does your hubby have some friend who he respects a lot and can put some thoughts in his mind about being more aware financially.

You can post a message here but you are the one who has to take some action or be prepared to see yourself and your children in no man's land. I am not able to understand how you could let this happen to your children?

 

Do people like this really exist and they call themselves a father? I have no words to describe his action.

 

He has a weakness (money) and you and your DH have been encouraging his weakness and making the situation worse, cut off all money that directly lands in his hand and ask someone who is close to him to provide counseling on the value of money and how to mange it wisely. I hope he has not pawned the house you guys helped to build him, get the original document from his hand and keep it in a safe place; you should have not left your jewels with him you should have kept it in a locker or at your mothers place.

 

See it is a great thing that your husband understands that something is not right. And 32 lakhs of loan...:crazy wow... you must be 'super rich' to be able to withstand such a huge amount of loan

One way for you to get out of this is to tell you in-laws politely that you cannot take anymore loan as you have to do planning for future of children. Maybe you can talk to you MIL and tell her that financially you are not doing good. Do they even know that you are suffering because of them? And what do they do with so much money? Your husband has to do something, maybe like fixing a monthly pension for your inlaws and just stop there. No more taking responsibilities of loans taken by your FIL.

If your husband does not say anything.. then you come forward and tell them enough is enough. You might be rude and maybe no longer a nice DIL but you have to do what you have to do. C'mon you are going to be a mother. Can't you be strong and defend interests of your children? Where are your motherly instincts? With so much loan do you want your children to carry the burden of your FIL's loan?

You are in US. Why do you have to tell everything about your finances to your inlaws? Can't you protect your own hard-earned money?

Unless you are very rich and a sum of 32 lakhs is reasonable for you, I do not see the reason why you can't put your foot down and stop all this nonsense. You PIL's are taking you lightly and believe no matter what they do you are there to finance them. Your husband is truly amazing to be doing so well in his career in-spite of having such parents.

The thought that your children will suffer because of all this really scares me out.

As an example in my real life, my grandfather took some loan from a friend. This friend seeing that my grandfather is in no position to return the amount called up my dad. My dad said to this friend, "you didn't ask me before giving the loan, so why are you asking me to pay it back. ask the person to whom you gave the loan." After that the friend never called my dad and I do not know what happened thereafter. Does this mean my dad was a bad son? I wouldn't say so. He had fixed some 10000 rs monthly to be transferred to my grand parents account and that was it. They never cared what my grand parents did with it. And my grandparents understood that to expect more would be an exercise in vain.

Take only that much responsibility that you can fulfill. More than that and you will make your life miserable.

Sorry for the long post.. but I really feel sorry for you.