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My Engagement Anniversary Today.....But feeling sad

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Hyral, Jul 18, 2013.

  1. Hyral

    Hyral Gold IL'ite

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    Hi All,
    yes exactly 1 yr before i posted abt the preparations of my Engagement anniversary!!
    Am feeling Happy but sad as well...Happy for obvious reason its my 'Engagement Anniversary' sad coz I feel all such dates are not so impt to DH :-(
    He did wish me in morning still...like yest....my in-laws called us up to wish when we were in our respective office...i told them .... thanks but my E'anniv is on 18th July..
    later i called up my DH and casually ask if he remembers our engagement date...at first to tease me he said...No , what to remember in that
    later i got a msg that he remembers when I msg to say ki I feel sad he doesnt rememebr one of the impt date of life....
    later I bought Perfume for him coz his currently perfume is abt to get finish so thought to buy that this time and I thought as we both r working , I planned to cook something special for him in dinner...when I smsed him what is he planning for our engagement anniv . He replied he havnt planned coz he is busy with UK colleagues in India. And to my surprise before leaving for home at around 6:20pm when i called him , he was already at home coz he left early....so i asked him....u said u will be busy....for whole week...as u left early kuch to plan karte for my surprise.....he said...tp mat kar...phone rakh...he also said that he wont be available for dinner on our engagement anniv coz he is going out with his team for dinner.....I planned to prepare special dinner for him tonight thinking he and I have office if cant go out I can surprise him with his fav dishes...but all in vain...as he is not for dinner tonight...
    later i went to archies and bought perfume for him.
    On reaching home when i asked him as u r nt for dinner tomrw...u should definetly plan a surprise for me...he got angry ki...dimaag mat kharab kar....i said fine...dnt give surprise and then i didnt say him anything...
    In morning I kept the perfume gift wrapped at dressing table where he keeps his perfume...and I was in kitchen cooking...he later came to kitchen as per routine to have milk and said me thanks...and pat my back ..when I again said...my surprise ? he said diya naa abhi....aise pat karke :'( while leaving for office he wished me....Happy Anniversary....

    Am feeling sad , that he doesnt feel like gifting his wife even? for him its like....if we go to shop..muje kuch pasand aaya le lo...but never he went all on his own to buy a gift for me .... he will brings chocolates coz....thats easily available in his canteen or shop....my pt is he doesnt feel need to make me feel special :rant

    Everyday after reaching office he sms me 'Reached' today he did 'Reached. Love you'
    I know he loves me...but at times I crave for that he makes me feel special
    Has anyone experienced same like me?
     
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  2. generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

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    As women, we tend to keep track of each and every date like- when we met hubby for the 1st time, when was the first date together, when we started liking DH, when we got the first gift from DH etc...But I think most men are not too sentimental about such important dates...(maybe it's part of their genetic makeup?) ...So don't depend too much on your DH to make you feel good on such occasions...If he pampers u, well and good..else you celebrate by pampering yourself!!! after all this is the day you got officially betrothed to ur special one!! :thumbsup So go ahead and plan a trip to the parlour or go shopping and buy something special...or just laze around at home watching ur favourite movies/ TV programmes..whatever makes u feel good :)
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2013
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  3. strangegirl

    strangegirl Silver IL'ite

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    Women and men are different. Please try to accept and understand this. This will someday help you grow emotionally as a balanced person.

    I think you are newly married. Understandably your expectations for love, care and special gifts all gone missing as your husband is not so expressive. It doesn't mean he is not loving.

    I was like you in the early days of our marriage. I've been married for 6 years now.

    I remember our first meeting, the day of love, the anniversary, registration and marriage days. I want to cherish each day as special with gifts and parties. I remember the days, and never forget to share my greetings and gifts to my husband. In fact, I plan a lot of things ahead and wait with lots of expectations for him to reciprocate. To my bad luck, he is a man who doesn't know how to express his love as per today's trends.

    Without feeling sad, or disappointment on that special day, I tried to understand my husband as he is.

    He buys me expensive gifts whenever he goes abroad or other cities. He makes sure he buys the very special ones for me.
    He cares me a lot whenever I need him, specially when I am sick or lonely
    He supports me in many ways, and encourages me
    BUT HE NEVER GIFTS ME ON SPECIAL DAYS, as he says he forgets. He is not used to this way.
    Without making him feeling guilty for not gifting, I learnt to celebrate one special day in a year.

    That is our wedding day... We both plan in advance, book our tickets and fly abroad or other distanced cities to celebrate the whole week.
    Since it is planned, there is no reminder as my husband and I both buy the cake, gifts and all together.

    Now a days, I just send him a mail from the office for other days... and no gifts or special messages expected from him... May be we have become old couples :(
     
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  4. RadiantFlower

    RadiantFlower Platinum IL'ite

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    Hyral - I can imagine the heartache that you're going through. I am so sorry.

    *hugs*

    Your post reminds me of that eternal problem faced by every woman who's been in love, since the beginning of Time - the question of not whether he loves me...but if he loves me the way I need to be loved.
     
  5. manjukps

    manjukps IL Hall of Fame

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    Hyral,

    Generic is apt. Be thankful that everyday you get sms that he reached safe. Be happy you got special sms saying that he loves you. Do realise that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.

    Don't let these trivial things bother your life. Have a happy life.

    Regards
    Manjukps
     
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  6. DGcreative

    DGcreative Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Hyral,

    My manager got married just 6 mths before me...... Her DH gifted her a diamond ring for their anniversary..... What did I get?? A huge bouquet of Red flowers. I was definitely disappointed, but only partially.... Coz the partial happiness was that my DH atleast remembered WA.....He is a typical bhullakad when it comes to remembering birthdays & anniversaries.

    After 4 yrs of my marriage & 4.5 yrs to Engagement, I can shout & say Men will be Men(atleast a few like our DHs). This surprise, gifting fundas are only chemical locha in a female brain....So dont stress yourself, dont fret, dont be upset.....Your expectations for a gift is not wrong, but a male brain doesnt understand this....So what to do?? why not gift something to yourself. I know it wont be that satisfying but may be use his credit card to buy that something ;-)

    Enjoy the day dear............Happy Engagement Anniversary.
     
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  7. cinderella06

    cinderella06 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Hyral first wishes for your Engagement Anniversary :thumbsup

    Hyral don't take this issue to your heart and ruin your special day that's too your first anniversary am I right ?
    My DH always don't remember our engagement date. I'm the one who reminds that today is our engagement day. That's it, the day would be like any other day :coffee. I prepare some sweet or something special. So men are like that ( not all I think!)
    You are newly married and all these fights are common :biggrin2:
    Enjoy the day girl :)
    You said today he added 'love you' to the regular 'reached' msg. Don't you think he is expressing his love, heart to heart by adding these words. These word have more value than lifeless gifts :)
     
  8. ecradha

    ecradha Senior IL'ite

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    My hugs to you. I am also travelling in the same boat. Dont know how to change my DH. He is like that. For every special day, he gets surprise gift from me. But I dont get anything from him. Since ours is a love marriage, before marraige he used to give me lot of gifts but now nothing :-(.
    I made up my mind "Dont expect anything from anyone in the world". Expections leads to dissappointment. Just do your duty. Thats it.
     
  9. beingloved

    beingloved Gold IL'ite

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    Every person has his/her own way of loving, expressing & handling emotions.

    Do not spoil special days of your wife by feeling what more should have been done.. Be content that you share a healthy relationship.
     
  10. gowriav

    gowriav Bronze IL'ite

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    in some time he may feel that he should do something that he is getting a lot...
     

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