my emotional mom

lavii · Jul 7, 2010

tell me how to deal with this
my mom is very very emotional person especially since my dads demise she has become very very emotional person and cant accept certain things even when its a fact
now here is my problem
i have been living with mom since my dads demise as i am the only child for my parents..and my mom has no parents and siblings alive to take care or be with her...my dhs family stays at 20mins distance so since i am here my dh stays here most of the time but actually lives with pils...

now here is the situation..i got pregnancy induced hypertension and i dont want to blame harmones but even i am cranky these days...my mom misunderstands most of the things and starts cursing her which makes me go mad and shout at times
for example
at my fils office they do some chit business so even i was paying every month certain amount and a couple of months i wanted to take my money back but my fil was giving some lame excuse evrytime...so last time when he came home i said as my due date is coming i would need money in hand and i want all the money this month....i thought by saying this he gets my money sooner..and this discussion happened before mom..actually i dont need any money as my office pays all my hospital expenses ..

now my mom starts crying as soon as he leaves when i ask why she says your dad gave us enuf money and left ..and 1st delivery expenses are borne by gals parents and i degraded them by saying my fil i would need money for delivery so i put them down and what not and started epxlaning what all my dad did for me and family ..and how mean i am by talking all thsi crap and degrading hsi level and what not

eventhough i tried epxlaining her what i meant she has no mood to listen ..
my situation is worse honestly
my in laws hate me as i am staying with mom..my dh understandsthe problem but still as i am away from him for a while whenever he gets a chance he is pointing out my mistake and how bad wife i am...and my mom keeps saying i can live or die on my own and dont need your support in anger...

ladies i know its time to cool down as my EDD is approaching soon..but as this became a scene just now i had to vent out...i want to deal these issues maturedly as i always keep shouting back ..please any help
i love my mom a lot she lost my dad and is in pain..i really want to help her everyway i can but i am screwing up things

brahan · Jul 7, 2010

Lavii,

Please do not get Emoytional now...Now its the time when you have to be Happy and cheerful. All your thoughts and Emotional stress might affect the little one..

Try telling your mother that you are doing all this Just for her well being..I understand that you wanna be with your Mother and support her. In this case you can talk to you Inlaws and have your Mother stay in your house along with Inlaws and Hubby.

Cheers,
Brahan

asha_karthik · Jul 7, 2010

lavii.. believe me or not ! just today i was looking at another earlier post of yours and thought "its just a week to go for lavii to have her baby !! wowww". and now this post worries me. other wise ladies here could reply to your concern. but i would say its best to not AT ALL think about anything at this point; get up, go out for a walk, to a temple or what gives you peace, go thru the baby links; what you need to do when you hold your baby in your hands next week.

they say new baby at home always brings in relationship issues; though i dont greatly believe in it, experience has made me think it could be true. it probably is. but its sure to settle down soon. people at all sides make compromises here & there, chaos all around and they all just get better after sometime. it would only concern me if your DH wasn't understanding - have a heart-heart with him later - not now.

you know it all; your mom needs you and she is in pain. leave it at that. think about it if the situation stays the same 2-3 months down the line.

take care.. send us the good news soon !!!:thumbsup

ShilpaMa · Jul 7, 2010

Lavii... tell her am sorry for what happened.. I'll take dad's money for pooja or whatever you want for the child, office reimbursement for delivery & chit fund for some valueable / policy in child's name. Avoid money & relationship talks if they're driving ppl arnd you nuts.

people of that generation dont come to terms that office reimbursement is the first thing to be used... my MIL constantly kept/keep passing comments on bearing expenses of delivery + ICU charges... sometimes these oldies can never think beyond their well.

It was a bad time and reason to ask for the chit fund money, it can be read otherwise, probably tell FIL when he visits you next that you want to put that money into some policy for the child. Dont find reasons to collect your spread out money at this time.. stay calm for safe delivery....

lavii · Jul 7, 2010

asha,shilpama and brahan
really appreciate your prompt response
my mind is very unstable now
as most of you know becoz of BP reasons i am being induced on 12th ..so that is one reason added since baby shower tensions are prevaling between my home and mil...added i shouted other day at mom saying my dh and mom never understand anything and no wonder my BP isnt stable....bcoz of this she is avoiding me..she is just cooking food serving me and going back her room and not talking to me...i apologised but still ..what can i do? i am feeling lonely worried tensed what not i dono ..feel lot of pain inside

lavii · Jul 7, 2010

since past couple of days family friends and relatives are coming home to see me before delivery..before everyone she is saying she is just living now because i am pregnant and once i deliver baby she will go to god..i said my mom how painful it is for me to digest these words..but she never listens..i know she is talking in pain..but that feear of loosing anyone else at home is making me mad..to be honest in whole world now except my mom no one is there from moms end .i dono how to express her anything..i am afraid of talking now a days because whatever i say is becoming a mess

ShilpaMa · Jul 7, 2010

Lavi, tight lip yourself for few days.....
Try nodding to whatever you hear and just do whatever you want...
Whatever impatience we have as a girl are gone as a mother and its a matter of a week now.

lavii · Jul 7, 2010

shilpama
ya trying my best but you know i end up messing it
since past couple of months whenever something happens i will decide thatday no matter what i wont talk next time but my brain isnt stable anymore ..but may be you are right kid brings that patience in me

Visu2k · Jul 7, 2010

Lavii, I see a classic pattern in your issues. The problem here is you are involving persons who are not relevant to issues that you involve them in. For instance, there is no point in you talking about that issue with your FIL in front of your mother. You need a little more knack in doing things and plan the consequences well before you embark on resolving any issue. Especially take up the issues with only the relevant people.

lavii · Jul 7, 2010

Visu
thanks for the response
yes like you said sometimes this is causing problem
like you said i guess i got to learn to deal with people individually