1. Want to be a Positive Parent? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

My Daughter Is Really Rude To Me

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by sanjuruby3, Oct 21, 2020.

  1. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,133
    Likes Received:
    402
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    I do not know how to deal now.. and losing my patience with her.
    Out of many many issues with her, one is her attending classes.
    I know remote learning hard for everyone, specially for kids to switch to different calls and pay attention. For some, parents are not able to help as they have to go to work.
    I work 100% remote due to pandemic and have take care of her independent work and worksheets and class schedule switching. But she does not let me help her and scream at me and bang the door on me.

    1. We both work in different rooms and anyways she won't let me sit in same room and keep door closed like locked. When I come in to check, if she needs switching, she screams and usually she is playing with toys on same table.
    2. Her independent work - is she doing it, no? I ask her to do it, but no, i will not.
    3. She joins the class 30 mins early and stay in waiting room. I come and ask to verify class time, no..do not come, I said do not come. Ultimately find out she is in wrong class or too early but she wont let me help her or check schedule

    Some days from morning to evening 6 pm she will be in her room either secretly playing games or youtube, under the name of worksheets.
    I am so fed up with her attitude towards me, I am the one cooking, feeding her, worrying about her play, arranging playdates for her. H does not care at all.

    It is not like India where we can talk to teacher about her behavioural issues.
     
    Loading...

  2. AppuMom

    AppuMom Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    169
    Likes Received:
    218
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    If she is into video games,cut that down.Set time limit in the device and ask her to do other things like reading books or hobbies.My son too behaves in similar way.But we set time for video games and he is doing better now.Buy some hobby kits for her so that she can reduce screen time.
    Do no worry.Everything will fall in place
     
    BhumiBabe likes this.
  3. deepthyanoop

    deepthyanoop Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    343
    Likes Received:
    370
    Trophy Points:
    125
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi,
    Yes, online learning and managing the time schedules can be stressful if the kids are not old enough to do it themselves. Some things that have helped me are,

    Yes we will be super busy and managing everything with or without husband’s help. But don’t talk to your child if you are in a really stressful mood. Yes knowingly or unknowingly we are rubbing our stress on to the child and the kid will reflect it for sure. Whatever may be your mood, try to talk to your child in a calm and composed way.I know it is hard sometimes,but try your best.

    Another thing is try to do at least one activity a day with your child. I know sometimes it will be hard to find even half an hour for ourselves with everyone at home. But here too, try your best to find that extra time . It is going to help a lot in long term. Try to make an art project together ( I am trying that). Watch a really funny video, try to do some exercise together. If she is into video games, don’t block it entirely. On weekends you too try to play with her. You can talk to her about what feature you like the most in that games. In short consciously try to make an effective bond with her.

    If she misbehaves and being rude, don’t show anger. Try your best to look composed. Explain calmly how Mummy is hurt by her rudeness. Tell her that you know that she is amazing and good, but sometimes stress get to everyone and we can work on it.

    One thing I learnt the hard way is when super busy and so much to do in a day, I was not always checking my tone of speaking and kid will respond exactly the same way! So take a deep breath and relax, this too will pass :)
     
  4. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,133
    Likes Received:
    402
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female

    Thank you so much for the words.
    I am learning everyday and have improved a lot. I realize her words are coming from us and she is otherwise sensitive child. I do not block her from TV/laptop/youtube or games, infact it has increased as i am not able to give time to her.
    she does not want to play with one playdate she has but wants to watch TV.
    I am learning to ignore her language but sometimes it gets on nerves. I understand she is kid and will have to be constantly navigated to do the right thing, eat food, not eat much junk , worksheets, do this do that.
    I am not very strict with her regarding food or snacks or even TV time, after 2nd child and now covid, my focus has changed.
     
  5. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    1,215
    Likes Received:
    1,945
    Trophy Points:
    290
    Gender:
    Female
    Hang in there it will get better, my kid is not rude but he can get on my nerves when it comes to doing his work.

    I am not going to blame him, it's just the situation we are all in. My kid is at home 24/7 and feels so bad that he hasn't gotten out and lived his pre covid life in 8 months.
    Also, don't think they being rude on purpose. Its just they are stuck being at home doing the same things every day. It must be hard at that age without friends and no physical contact with anyone.. except for parents and in between 4 walls.

    We stick to our routine every day- Wake up, eat breakfast, and online classes. This hasn't changed.

    What has changed is-
    1. Whining to do work. (It has become ok now. Pre-covid, there wasn't any of it)
    2. Saying I am tired, I want to relax, I want to watch more TV. (Apart from his schedule of being on Ipad).
    3. the basic problem is- kids are observing adults very closely during the lockdown. They didn't get to do that before- we drop them off to school and picked up in the evening. Even if there was an adult argument/talk. It didn't happen in front of the kids.
    As most of the adults are WFH- We are all stuck to each other 24/7.
    Our personalities are being observed and copied to a great extent by our kids.

    I trick I follow is-
    When there is a lot of resentment to complete work- I don't get wound up anymore. I just let go. I say keep the work away, think about how he will feel if I didn't complete my cooking by dinner time and there was no food. I actually send him to my husband's office. There are no toys, nothing that can distract him.(this is one place where he doesn't hang around and he doesn't very comfortable being there)

    The house rule that has to be followed-
    He has to follow the rules to at least 80% and only then he gets to be on iPad the next day.
    There have been days when he hasn't followed the rules (like doing additional homework, drawing, clean up, pick his PJs, help me in the garden) we have stuck to our end, and there hasn't been an iPad the following day. We have also threatened to throw the iPad.

    Usually, the next day doesn't go well. Lots of tears and repeated begging and some manipulation....but it's just 1 day. We need to stick to our threats to get them to listen.

    Good luck with your lil one.
     
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2020
  6. nuss

    nuss Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    1,105
    Likes Received:
    2,027
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    It is hard to be home all day and online work is tiring and stressful.

    what works for us is ground rules.
    No closing doors.
    Class work at the dinner table so I can help.
    We work in the morning and go to park in afternoon for some time. It helps with their morale and energy.
    Kids have to clean up the rooms/ pick up all toys before they can watch fun stuff on TV/ iPad.

    Of course they try to manipulate but once they know that it’s not going to work, they will listen.
     
  7. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,133
    Likes Received:
    402
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    I feel like my kiddo is not scared of any threats or tricks i use.
    We will give away TV, your toys, and go to this room and take classes from there,...no
    She takes classes in her room full of everything. And puts toys on table and keep playing or play youtube. She won'nt me come in room or switch or monitor her classes. I know why. I also can not work or focus on my work if i am in her room.
    No TV today if she does not do this that does not work at all for her.
     
  8. nuss

    nuss Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    1,105
    Likes Received:
    2,027
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Can you think of why it doesn’t work? Do you give in after some time and she gets her way or if one parent says no other let her do what she wants?
    In my experience, threats don’t work with kids. It need to be a positive reinforcement. We make a game out of cleaning which helps them be motivated. Sometimes they whine and then forget that they wanted to watch TV and start playing with toys which is great.

    We don’t use our bedrooms during the day. We spend all day downstairs in the kitchen/ dining are or in the living/ playroom so it helps with time table as well.

    Since I spend the majority of time with the kids (3 working days) and have my full time work as well, some days they get to watch a lot of Ipad so I can work but they hav ego stay near me.
     
  9. netflx

    netflx Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    168
    Likes Received:
    242
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    In simple words, good habits and parental control need to be enforced when from really young (infants).
    As their age grows higher, and bad habits allowed, and they have been allowed to break parental rules, it gets tougher and tougher to enforce things.
     
  10. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,133
    Likes Received:
    402
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    So my H works downstairs and my little one stays downstairs. My older one has classes, she has set up in her room and i work upstairs and keep coming to her to switch classes for her.
    I somehow can not work or focus anywhere else, without proper desk and monitor so i need to be in my room.
    My daughter when she can not find anything(for class, while class is going on) keeps crying why do not you sit with me....but in normal days, she does not even want me to come in and will keep shushing me out.

    Then her room has become full of toys and dark that there is no place to walk and can not find anything. She simply won't let anyone come in. Her paper work ...everything is mess, inspite of lot of space and dresses to organize.

    She does not listen and follow is partly because of us
    My H does not care much.
    She does not care about me much to obey or follow.
    I have also given up now, on worksheets etc. because i am mentally tired.
     

Share This Page