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My cousin in misery

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by mouli_7, Dec 20, 2007.

  1. mouli_7

    mouli_7 New IL'ite

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    Hi friends,
    I am posting my cousin's problem hoping to find solution by u're valuable suggestions.
    She's close cousin of mine, she's 3 younger to me, but somehow we became imseparable over the years, she's morethan a sis, which i don't have.
    Comming to the point, she got married nearly 3 yrs back, now she's a mother of beautiful baby boy. Her problem is her MIL, she's been causing her a lot of problem, her husband loves his mother a lot so does he loves my cousin too, but he cann't go against his mother, I met her twice, when i went to india, she treats my cousin as a maid, she commands, she instruct her to follow her rules, if she misses one small thing r goes something wrong, she scolds, gets angry n stops talking, tht time my cousin not suppose to go anywhere near her MIL, if she accidently crosses her, she starts again, n make mess n adds to misery. Things gets worse when my cousin's husband goes to work in abroad (he goes quite often), tht time her MIL, locks locker, even my cousin's dresser everything, for even daily use clothes n all, she need permission to ask frm MIL everyday, small penny, jewells anything she needs to ask MIL, she not suposed to call her parents, not to watch TV, she's like house arrest.her husband didn't know all this, but last yr she got fed up n told whts happening with her, when he raised this issue with his mom, she said all r nothing but accusation, n starved herself to sick. Now even though he knows wht happens he still wants my cousin to bear all this, if she says anything he also blames her saying she's the reason behind all this n stops talking r keeps n saying this.
    My cousin don't know wht to do? she's very soft, she grew up in a very well to do family,thought her good morals, she never faced anything like this before, she's not used to harsh comments, r being kept as a maid, as she had 3 maids in her parents house before,now she only knows crying, n cann't handle all this, all i can say is she's going thr' onehell of a time. Her parents waiting someday this will be over soon, their only relief is her husband takes her to abroad with him.
    But she says her husband is unhappy, as they don't get along, now she wants my help to handle all this n to make him happy, as she loves her husband a lot, I asked her not to tell anything abt her MIL with her husband, stay strong n all but it's not working,so I am turning to u all. plz give u're suggestions, so tht i can give it to her make her pain go. I feel angry n frutruated on her MIL, she's well educated n worked as headteacher, i don't know wht she thought to her children,
    txs in advance
    shwetha
     
    Annapoorni04 likes this.
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  2. Ria2006

    Ria2006 Silver IL'ite

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    Hmm.. Your cousin is 50% responsible for this misery. Bearing tortue is equal to doing toture. She needs to be stern with MIL. I guess once she shows her women's strength. MIL will be settled for years.
    Why she needs to complain to her husband. Ask her to take charge of things. She needs to tell her MIL strongly that if she ever did it again. She will make sure police takes her away. Her MIL will be just plain back to reality,
    And what s up with locking dresser and stuff. If this gal was from good family, she shud have never accepted it at all.
    There is simple principle in life.. More **** you take, More **** will follow.

    So Your cousin needs to learn to handle these rough and harsh people too. when we are adult we cannot take shelter in the concept that I never learnt this in my parent's palce. Nobody can teach survivial to anybody. You see orphan beggar girls on indian roads, There are stronger than such sophisiticatedly brought-up kids. You need to tell her to be empowered. If MIL doesnot talk ..Let her not talk. Anyway she is talking waste only.And Why NO TV. Does she sit in front of TV to stop it?
    And secondly, whenever husband goes away. This lady should visit her parents. No matter how far they are. MIL is just taking her piece of burden handed down. Once she stays alone for few days, She will be back to her senses too.

    There can be ten thousand excuses for her to not fight this back. But It s her own responsiblity to fight this out bravely. There will be some commotion initially. MIL will complaint to son and all. But after few times, It will prove that it was worth it.
     
    sindmani likes this.

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