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My Competition Poem Want Your Opinion

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by sunkan, Feb 16, 2008.

  1. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

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    [SIZE=-0][​IMG][/SIZE] Wish you were around to see my plight
    I had visualized a wonderful love in your sight

    Your arms have always held me
    They hugged and kissed and claimed me
    I never felt this body to be mine
    Cherished you did much like an epic
    Your eyes smiled with feelings in depth
    Leaving me just out of breath

    The moments in your arms
    Are etched in my palms
    Deep in the veins of heart you spun
    Excitement driving me mad and pleasurable
    The tranquility which I get in your presence
    I fail to come back to my senses

    Your light steps from behind hugging me
    How endearingly you are a part of me
    I am afraid I might lose myself
    To eternity never to be the same again
    Your being away could kill my feelings
    Waiting in the wings to bring back reeling....sunkan

    hai friends i have written this poem for a competition what say you, will it fetch me a prize??
     
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2008
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  2. sathyavenkat

    sathyavenkat New IL'ite

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    Very nice sunkan, u stand a good chance. All the best -affly sathya
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 16, 2008
  3. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Sundari
    I have run a whole gamut of emotions from A to Z reading your threads but jealousy was certainly not one of them. But now, though I hate to admit it, jealousy too figures in it. I have always been candid in admitting that people who could write poetry made me jealous.
    Your forays into photoshop bring out your artistic temperament vividly and with such an artistic temperament, I am not surprised that you are able to express exquisite feelings through equally exquisite lines.
    Your wonderful sister has an extraordinary capability to couch her FBs even on diverse subjects in a poetic language. It probably is in your genes! Your entry in the poetry contest certainly shows what a diehard romantic you are!
    Sri
     
  4. Vidya24

    Vidya24 Gold IL'ite

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    Sundari,

    Good one! I will not short guess God, but if I am a judge, this one will be a winner. You write well, be it prose or poetry.

    One small doubt and I want to be corrected if I am wrong. In the line, I quote here from you,

    'I am afraid I might loose myself'

    what should be the spelling of 'loose'?

    I am bringing this up openly since you are sending this for a competition.

    affly
    Vidya
     
  5. Arunarc

    Arunarc Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Sunkan
    This is a beautiful poem. You will surely fetch a prize for this.
    All The Best for the competition..............
     
  6. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

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    thanku vidya it is already in focus there, and in poetry sometime you dont stick on to the spelling as much as it should rhyme and loose is ok here.....sunkan
     
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2008
  7. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    It should be 'lose' myself.
    A cassic example to understand the difference is:
    If you let your dog run loose, you may lose it forever!
     
  8. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

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    i am a romantic sri,
    before i could start here on poems i wondered whether i would do any justice at all, even this i dont feel it comes up to the ones that i read in the site, that has come up with a competition,
    but when they put it in focus i felt ok, i am my own worse critic and felt i should improvise in appreciating my self more...thank u for all your words, you don't know the difference you created here by writing, you led me to that site, and i led you here, so lets say cheers to our wonderful futures filled with so many feedbacks and involvement...
     
  9. Vysan

    Vysan Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Sunkan,

    That was a real nice one.... All the very best for you to succeed in the competition....

    Veda
     
  10. sathya

    sathya Gold IL'ite

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    hello akka

    great poem
    sure hope
    you win...
    to genes a salute be...
    if it runs in the genes ...
    will the genes run with trophy?...
    if genes could speak ...
    they would speak volumes rhyme...
    when one looks like the other to rhyme...!!

    sathya
     

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