My Colleague Is Torn Between Her Morals And Happiness

Come on girls.... Let's be honest and open here.
No one knows who we are, so don't try to mask ourselves as if we are some pure goddess.

To answer some of your questions...

@Agathinai No. I did not tell her that I have posted her story on-line
She has no idea about IL, and I don't want her to know about this site and my ID as I prefer to be anonymous here.
Besides, she would feel devastated if she knows her personal story is published on-line as she doesn't understand how things work here or how secure this site is.
So, I prefer not to share this.
But I posted this to see how others view this matter.
From the very beginning I did not see this as an emotional affair or cheating. Because I personally have had such relationships every now and then. But I had my control button, and was confident that what I do was/is not wrong.
Therefore, these friendships did not affect my marital life. Besides, I have very fond memories with each person who shared a close bond with me at each different time.
Some of them still remain as my best friends, and even family friends too.
There is a different level of understanding we maintain. Gender doesn't matter here, as I had close bond with both male and female friends.
I neither a lesbian or nor do I cheat my H.
There is a fine line from such bonding and romantic relationships.
I believe as a well grown up, matured adult, I know what is that line is. And even I can make the other end to respect this line should they want to continue this relationship.

Nevertheless, it is just me... I know many people take it differently and they all have a point.
Also, I wasn't sure how clear my friend is, and how much she is aware of this line.
I wasn't aware of her relationship with her H either.
Therefore, I wasn't sure of suggesting my views when she asked my honest opinion on this.
Since she highly depends on me, as she doesn't have any close buddies as of now to open up with such private matter, I wanted to give her a very good advice.

Possibly, we would re visit this matter tomorrow during our relaxed chai time at home. Now I am clear and see what I should talk.
I really liked @Rakhii's ways of putting things. Also @BhumiBabe you sound realistic here.

@ others......

Please re read my thread....
1. She is not busy and not with her family to give minimal to zero priority to friendships. This case is different. As I explained she is alone, with all the free time in hand in an alien city.
2. It is not playing with a man's life as he is well informed and aware of her POV, and the possibility of not taking this relationship to the next level. He is not a child, but an educated, matured adult. So the choice is his
3. About sharing this matter with her H. It depends how cool he is.
And it is not necessary if she honestly respects her marital Vows and chats within limits so that no matter what her chat history can not be a problem (like not confessing her feelings, no romantic chat etc) in her marriage.
4. Why so strict on ourselves, and complicate life. When life offers you a way to live happily during your down time, be prepared to grab it. You live only once. All you need is to maintain the boundary. Otherwise, all is well that gives you happiness. JMHO

 

And for those who PM me, questioning whether it is my personal story.... here is my answer in public.

I already have an anonymous ID at IL, and therefore my life is an open book here.
I don't have to hide under someone's identity to discuss my issue in this anonymous forum. I could very well do that openly under my ID here.

Anyways, thank you for your concerns!!!

 

@Indeevara and those who liked his post

I personally thanked each and everyone who replied to my thread in this forum.
Though the decision is purely mine to chose what make sense to me, I still went on to clarify the others as to why i beg to differ and unable to take their messages.
This is how the thread goes....

However some people respond here with uncertainty; hence been too strict morally.
And then they came for a private chat with me through PM asking whether it is my personal problem

Since they think this is my personal problem, and so they relate this case with my previous threads where i discussed my own issue.. Obviously their responses are customized.

This is problem of my friends, but someone PMs me and say.. Look you have two little kids and how could u do this???

So, my comment, rather rude remark is for them alone.

 

Thanks for following up with this matter

She is no longer sharing my apartment here, but settled with her own somewhere far from my place.
But we do meet quite often at work, and other activities like Sunday church etc.

She has improved a lot mentally now. No longer missing home the way she used to suffer initially.
Looks like she is in very much contact with the guy, but with certain level of clarity about what's she getting into.

Last time when we spoke about this, she did mention that she had informed him that she wouldn't be able to chat with him at a stretch like this after returning home, as she will have other priorities at home to pay attention to.
To which, he accepted, and said he is no longer an immature child, and so he would understands her concerns.

As I warned her to be strong and not to fall emotionally with this guy at any circumstances (and better never to confess her feelings to him, as they are temporary but we never know what harm they could bring to her marriage later on), she showed me the chat history in an attempt to prove me what exactly their relationship is.

I did not look into details, but from what I saw, the conversations were more about general stuff like her kids, their pics, their achievements, and his day at work, about some extended aunt, problems etc...

I was convinced that there is nothing to worry so much here, as long as both of them are happy and there is no harm to either side.