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My brother is seperated from his wife, I am depressed

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by skalluri, May 18, 2010.

  1. skalluri

    skalluri Gold IL'ite

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    Did anyone go through this situation when sibling is seperated and if the matters are leading to divorce, how to accept the situations and be strong, my family is feeling so down for unexpected situtations we are facing.

    I dont understand how to take it, I am little scared of unfavourable sitations which is making restless. wanted to share with you and get some moral help.

    SK.
     
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  2. archana2008

    archana2008 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Kalluri,

    So sorry to hear about the separation.
    Please donot get depressed. Think calmly cooly.
    You have to be brave in such situations and support your family.
    It is just the moral support that you can provide your family now.
    Be brave and support your parents morally. if you cry then they will feel more bad.
    just support them with your words. tell them that everything will be fine, not to worry.
    parents and siblings always support us. this is the time with your strong words you can help them.
     
  3. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    Sorry to hear about your brother's separation.

    My suggestion is to give them time and privacy. Let them talk and decide what they need. Both are going through a painful journey and all they need is support. Even though its sad to see them in crossroads we need to be strong for them. Be supportive of your brother but at the same time if you feel you need to voice your concern that he might be going the wrong way, please do so as well. Anger towards his wife might cloud his logical thinking at times, so its good if someone like you his sister points that out so he understands.

    I believe in fate, so end of the day whatever happens, take it that its all for good. Pray to God. Ask him to guide your brother in the right way. That's all we can do I think :)

    Good luck and God bless.
     
  4. FloridaLady

    FloridaLady New IL'ite

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    Dear.. sorry to hear this.. even our family is almost like similar sitaution. I pray to God to give stregth to face this hard time.

    FL.
     
    Last edited: May 18, 2010
  5. skalluri

    skalluri Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks Nandu and Archana and FL for your supportive words.

    I am trying to be balanced. sometimes situations will be helpless and not favourable at all ,our family is in same situation now, dont know what to do , how to react, from whom to take advice etc. girls family is also very aggresive and instead of convincing their daughter, they are making things worse.

    I pray to God, to lead from dark to light.

    SK.
     
  6. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    Unfortunate situation. Couples cannot resolve their problems and the family do not support. I have same set of inlaws as you mentioned. I never get any emotional support from them, they never try to convince when we have problems,

    Inlaws are mute spectators at times, what ever decision their daughter will take that is fine but at least they can mediate . In situations like this what would have happened is your sil would have instigated everyone in her side against your brother and your family. so now they would have so much hatred for all of you they dont want to do anything.....

     
  7. Happysoul1234

    Happysoul1234 Gold IL'ite

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    Sorry to hear about the situation. Having been there myself, I know firsthand how much mental pain and anguish can come from watching the events.

    See, you cannot fix your brother's marriage. But you can give him moral support and tell him that you are there from him thick and thin. Guys have a hard time talking so sometimes it feels like you are talking to a wall but believe me it helps them a lot to know their family is on their side.

    About the girl and her family, if mediation/counselling does not help, then it is better to end the marriage as soon as possible. If they are the greedy kind and asking for all sorts of compensation, do the best you can and pay them off to get out of your brother's life.

    Prayer works wonders. Pray for your brother's happiness and peace of mind. And believe that no matter how dire the situation, there is always a solution and also believe that sometimes, for something good to enter your life, you have to get rid of the bad things first.

    My brother had a love marriage. No one in our family liked the girl or her family but we had to give in since my dear brother was head over heels in love with her. She and her parents left no stone unturned to humilate me and my mom during the wedding but we could not say anything since my brother was on her side. Soon their marriage was on the rocks because she did not want a husband, she wanted a puppet who would dance to her tunes. She wanted him to pay for her brother's mba and she wanted him to kick out my mom, a widow, from his life. She wanted him buy her parents a house and asked my mom to stay at an old people's home. she did not want to "cook and clean" because she had a mba but it was perfectly acceptable for my brother to do that even though he too had an advanced degree. Oh the horrors! No wonder their marriage broke up.

    My brother tried for over an year to live by her rules but at the end it just became too much for him to handle and she moved out. Then for over 6 months she and her parents haggled over the alimony. Imagine they fought to the last one dollar. But once she was out of his life, my brother was a changed man. He could breathe when he wanted to without the fear of offending his so called wife. We also found out that she and her mom had been indulging in black magic - there was evidence of it after she moved out and my mom was cleaning out the apartment to send her stuff back to her.

    2 months after the divorce was finalized my brother met a lovely girl on shaadi.com, a divorcee herself. 3 months later they got married and are now living a happy married life. just bought their 1st house last week. I could not be happier for my brother for having found the most lovely wife and life partner. Although I am sad that he had to go through crap to get where he is now.

    So don't loose hope. Pray as hard as you can, ask your brother to engage in mediation/counselling and if that does not work out, get a divorce and don't engage in a mud bath over money. money can be earned back but not your self-respect.
     
  8. skalluri

    skalluri Gold IL'ite

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  9. skalluri

    skalluri Gold IL'ite

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    thanks pmahensa for your support. It gave me strenght and realization that this world also have unfair people who just want to take advantage on others with no honesty and moral values.

    Even my sis in law doesnt cook, she used to spend time in her sisters house before coming to her house so that she need not do housework, my brother used to do everything.


    thank you.. this is giving ray of light, hope again. thanks for your support.
     
    Last edited: May 18, 2010
  10. skalluri

    skalluri Gold IL'ite

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    Dear pmahensa,

    Can you guide me here.. when I am talking to friends about this matter how I am feeling, somebody says you are taking too much pain, somebody says you are taking pain of your mom, you have family of your own and need to take care of your son and keep that in mind, some says you are lucky that you have supportive husband... what if..blah blah..

    even though they may be facts, somehow being in depression, I am not able to take it. sometimes I feel like I just need somebody who listens to me.

    SK.
     

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