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My Blog -61 (Am I a disobliging neighbour?)

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Pragmatic, Sep 21, 2009.

  1. Pragmatic

    Pragmatic New IL'ite

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    The fatigue of relocation is still lingering and the incident that took place just after stepping in this new house was far more depressing and is still haunting me.

    Relocation is a hectic task and unfortunately we decided to move in the middle of the week. Myself and DH got a Uhaul truck around 6 pm and along with two helpers started loading our stuff in the truck. The new house that we leased was almost 30 miles away from the current location so by the time we loaded, traveled, unloaded our things in the new home, the clock struck 11:30 pm. My husband had to go to work next morning so we both decided to order pizza to have a quick bite before arranging tonight sleep stuff & basic things for the next morning. At midnight , the delivery boy arrived. We both were way tired & too hungry, so we quickly sat on the floor and grabbed the pizza.

    Knock Knock...we both stared at each other wondering who's on the door now...may be the pizza guy missed on something. My hubby got the door and we saw that our neighbour had come to see us. We welcomed her inside and told her that we have moved in just now. She said hello and first thing she stated was : "I am so happy that you guys moved tonight, My husband is away on the night shift for another two days and I need someone to help me and my kid at home". She asked me to finish my dinner and come over to her place to sleep with her and be with her till her husband is back from work in the morning. I was taken aback. I had casually met her twice when we came to enquire for this place. I could not reply her and she smiled and left reminding me to come over soon coz its already midnite.

    I was completely confused & slightly irritated. I looked at my hubby & he gave me a blank look and said 'Do what you wish! go and help her and I shall do the basic setup for today and tomorrow' but I was not sure if this is the right time to help others when my own things are not in place. Firstly I do not know her very well so I was not comfortable in sleeping at her place, moreover We have just moved in, we are new to this place ,my husband had to go for work next day so I wanted to organize my stuff first. I expected our neighbours to help us when we move-in instead of asking for help. There was no urgent situation at her end where she needed a prompt action from us. Her being home alone did not sound a valid reason to me for giving up everything at my place and helping her. I feel helping others is a good gesture but not at the cost of our discomfort...so I told my husband that I am not going to her place tonight, I shall apologize her and if required I will help her tomorrow. Next morning I met her and apologized giving her the genuine reason of our recent move but she is upset & since then keeps pointing n blaming me for being inconsiderate that night! :(

    I feel so bad now but that night I was being asked for a very sudden neighbourhood gesture that I could not comply with. Am I a disobliging neighbour? :(
     
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  2. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Pragmatic,

    You sure did it right. Had I been in your place I would have done the same thing, but slightly differently. When she called me I would have told her on her face, "Not today of all the days. We are yet to unpack and set up the house. I'm sorry."

    Now comes the difficult part. If she's showing faces or not talking to you, that should not raise any guilt feelings in you.

    You have done the right thing. To use my own terminology you have refused to give her a gift which you cannot emotionally afford

    love,
    sridhar
     
  3. knot2share

    knot2share Gold IL'ite

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    Heyy Pragmatic
    Don't be so hard on yourself. You neighbour should have been sensible enough to realize that you have just moved into the new house and it was not appropriate of her to ask something like this of you. Please do not let any of your neighbours reaction affect you in any way.
     
  4. SupriyaDinesh

    SupriyaDinesh Silver IL'ite

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    Pragmatic,
    It was not fair on her part to expect company when her husband will be late.But i feel you should have told her upfront or later,but not the next day.
     
  5. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Pragmatic Dear

    You seemed to face just the similar kind of situations I had with my neighbour...it was really a very tricky and stressful situation for me..Good thing is you said NO in teh first instance itself...you had drawn the limits in the first opportunity itself..I failed to do that and I had to face the music for almost few months and then after I posted my problem on IL thats when I realised...I was being too soft..

    hope you had unpacked and started settling down in your new home...
     
  6. Pragmatic

    Pragmatic New IL'ite

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    Thank you all for your response, yea I too feel that I did the right thing ...I really need to uplift myself n get over with it but her reaction always makes me feel guilty :( The other day she tried calling me for something and I could not take up the phone coz I was in bath . Now she again keeps pointing that I am ignoring her purposefully. I do not wish to create negative vibes with her but the situations are just making things sour between us :(
     
  7. amihere

    amihere Platinum IL'ite

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    Oops that’s not a nice welcome you got there. I don’t know how she expected your help when you have moved in only that night that too by midnight. Don’t feel bad thinking you are a disobliging neighbor. Some don’t know how and when to ask help for. She can’t expect you to sleep in when both of you hardly know each other, that is an action of taking for granted and if you had helped her so she might have asked for more unreasonable helps. What you said is right, we have to help others sometimes even going out from our comfort zone , provided, s/he can’t do away without a help genuinely. So please don’t feel bad and cheer yourself upJ Have great time at your new place.
     
  8. Lalitha Shivaguru

    Lalitha Shivaguru Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Pragmatic,

    What you did was absolutely perfect. I would have done the same thing if I were you but I would have told her on the face when she came home.

    Do not worry and do not carry any guilt.
     
  9. kavithavel

    kavithavel Senior IL'ite

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    Dear,
    With people around us like this, I would echo Sridhar sir..
    Don't you feel he is right???
    Well, throw away the guilt now..she needs to be matured enough, we aren't children to show faces.
    And she likes to show one, let her, why do we bother.

    regards,
    Kavitha.
     
  10. manchitra

    manchitra Senior IL'ite

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    Disobliging ? never. What she would have done if you had not moved in that night.It may not be the first time her hubby left her alone. I think she may be having some problem. Her reactions do not seem to be normal. It is better not to have friends like that who try to make one feel guilty.
     

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