1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

My Anger - My Enemy ?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by wonderer, Mar 1, 2010.

  1. wonderer

    wonderer New IL'ite

    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Ladies, i have been amazed by the advices i have been reading on this forum, and i know you special ladies will be able to help me with this problem.
    I have been married for 3 years now, and the past 1 year has been miserable for my husband and i. (we are TTC). A lot has happened, where we dont really speak to each other. The man problem being i have become very short-tempered and unhappy. This is my problem. i used to be so easy going but i am now usually angry for reasons i dont remember. Anyway, my husband has been transferred to anther country and we've had a discussion where he has gone to report this matter to my mum, teling me we need to find solution or he's tired of the marriage.
    the things he does that i dont like are: not helping around the house, not caring (always prefers to go and party with friends, while leaving me in pain at home0
    So i dont know the way out - but i want to learn to control my temper and be happy and loving to my husband again. but how do i convince him i have changed?
    thanks ladies
     
    Loading...

  2. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    3,369
    Likes Received:
    357
    Trophy Points:
    183
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: Please help

    Sort this problem out amongst yourselves. Don't be running to yours or his parents to sort this out. It's not their problem and they don't have any magical abilities to solve your problems anyways. So... there's no point.

    You need to open up and TALK this out.
     
  3. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    7,302
    Likes Received:
    954
    Trophy Points:
    270
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: Please help

    Best solution is...STOP stressing yourself and him over this TTC. you would conceive quickly with no stress factor. Moreover baby making should be a fun and happy activity not a stressful or target oriented thing isnt it??? finally you want a happy baby and for that you both need to be happy and content.

    Dont be hard on yourself or on him. Visit our TTC forums here and try to maintain good diet, and exercise helps a lot in conceiving , and also develop some hobbies...the more you keep your self busy iwth activities which would keep your mind off from you not being able to conceive, the more its easier for you to handle your anger problems. (anger mostly stems out of things that you are not able to digest or accept) am sure your husband slowly would see the change in you...so dont push or prove your point..let him come around as you appeal to him more cheerful and wonderful because you are content iwth your own self...good luck dear
     
  4. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,862
    Likes Received:
    5,086
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: Please help

    I think overall very less male members are of help when it comes to helping in household chores or partying out with wives.
    This when combined with failures on TTC becomes really troublesome to handle... and even a normal person becomes short tempered.

    The only way out is some sort of meditation or like Srividya mentioned... engaging oneself in other activities to think less about failures and shortcomings... when we desperately run after few things in life they tend to become distant and distant.

    Keep your calm & divert your energies to something constructive which gives you a feel of achievement.
     
  5. ras09

    ras09 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    87
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: Please help

    Hi wonderer,
    you have started feeling irritated and you are nt as happy as you were before
    And you havent able to conceive yet.
    All these things indicate a possible hormone change.
    You should visit a doc and check yourself.
    Often behaviors get changed due to hormone changes. i used to take one contraceptive pill.
    i had few hormone imbalance.i used to irritate on small small things.
    When i stopped taking it then i become normal again.
    Anyways, you should tell your husband that you need his help to get out of it.
    Approach your husband as if you need his help.
    he will definitely listen to you..
    Hope it will help..
    All the best
     
  6. Enchanted

    Enchanted New IL'ite

    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Wonderer,

    Anger never did anybody any good. Having said that, if you are now willing to make amends, control your temper, and share your love with hubby, please start by opening an amicable dialogue with hubby.

    To begin with, see if you can stop TTC for now. For one thing since your marriage life is stressed out, work on that first instead of bringing in a kiddo, which means all your energies getting diverted. A happy mom is a good mom, so bring some happiness into your marriage first.

    Next invite hubby for a good long talk, ONLY the two of you. Leave out inlaws, parents, friends - it's YOUR marriage, you resolve your own problems. Simple. Does hubby live/work where you do - being under the same roof and having a face to face will help. As much as possible let this conversation be one with minimal blame talk exchanged. This happens all the time. So try to refrain from digging past follies, inlaws issues, disappointments etc. Engage in a positive talk on why things are the way they are, seek hubby's inputs in areas he wants you to change, and offer points where you need his help - sharing household chores, going out together, spending time etc. Tell him you are now a couple, of course each of you need your space, BUT building a life of togetherness is very imp.

    Do post with updates on how things are working...
     
  7. wonderer

    wonderer New IL'ite

    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi everyone, i am desperately in need of advise. Things have now gone from bad to worse from when i last posted this and my marriage may be coming to an end.

    So DH has been working abroad for 4 months, we did have a long phone conversation in March where we both listed things we are unhappy with, and i apologised and we both agreed to work on the marriage. Fast forward to April and our communication goes downhill. DH not calling as much and not returning calls. I get upset and don't call and so he finally gets home yesterday and says he is very unhappy and does not wnat to continue to live like this as 10years down the line things may not have changed. I asked if he wanted then to leave, and he said no and that he just does not want to sweep everything under the carpet and live to regret. Rather, it is better to decide now what to do since only married for 3 years. I say but things will get better because i will be work on my issues but he is not believing saying the love seems dead.

    We are still going to talk more today but i dont understand when he says love is dead and better to deal with it now than 10years later but saying he is not leaving the marraige. I am so worried. did not eat or sleep all nite. he says he is so unhappy and doesnt know if he still loves me.

    what do you think i should do now?

    p.s. we have stopped TTC
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2010
  8. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,284
    Likes Received:
    28
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Male
    Wonderer, you cannot convince him, he can convince himself by seeing how you talk, behave, etc, your expressions and actions will make him judge you and not mere talk....When you say anger issues, what were you doing specifically? verbally lashing out? hitting? what was the outcome of the anger?

     
  9. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,284
    Likes Received:
    28
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Male
    What is that he wants,? he is saying love is dead, understandable, he says he is not convinved it is workable understandable. The only reason I see he does not see divorce as of now is if he has decided to not get married again, in that case whether one divorces or not has no meaning. But divorce does brings a closure to all issues, so if one is giving up on marriage and never going to live again , it is better to seperate and divorce.

    I feel you are writing in too much haste, the clarity is not coming around, its understandable you are in pain, and distress, but try to gather and write more clearly as to what is that you talk inorder to know where he is coming from and you too. You say he works abroad, where does he work?

     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2010
  10. wonderer

    wonderer New IL'ite

    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    By saying nasty things and holding a grudge/silent treatment and being moody:oops:

    He is leaving again at the weekend and i am afraid if we dont resolve it now, we just grow apart finally. he is talking to me normally but says he is drained of all emotions so he slept on the couch!!!!
     

Share This Page