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Motivating Husband. Need Help

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by mypriya, Jan 22, 2017.

  1. mypriya

    mypriya New IL'ite

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    Hi All,
    So I need an help and advice from all of you here. I have been married to love of my life since 1 and half yr now.

    We are of same age. One major problem with him is, he doesn't open up his prblm.. he keeps worrying a lot.

    I feel I should help me to come out of this and achieve a lot in his life, but since he doesn't open up, I seriously don't know how to help him.

    Since he don't open up, I keep posting him questions, atleast then he will start talking. But that goes wrong everytime. We end up in fighting and he shouts telling why am I nagging him always

    Pls tell me, how can I make him openup and how can I motivate him In the right way.
     
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  2. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    Priya,

    Everyone is different. Some needs their space and like to solve their issues by themselves. Give him some time and space.
     
    rajatsingh and KashmirFlower like this.
  3. mypriya

    mypriya New IL'ite

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    Hi poovai,
    It's been 1 and half yr since v married and v haven't done anything useful.
    One example , I work for a MNC and he works for a start-up and ofcourse he is 100% more talented and skilled than me.my in-laws wants him to switch the job as his job is not very secure and being too much hectic and wheneva we talk abt changing job , he keeps silent and do nothing. My in-laws also too much worried abt it.
     
  4. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Is he happy with his job? Does he have good pay and prospects there?
     
    KashmirFlower likes this.
  5. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    When he feels you are nagging, there is no use of you trying to motivate.
    Tell him once what u feel and leave it. Let him figure it out. Whatever he wants to become, where he wants to work if it is his choice he will be happy. There are lot of people, they can but they don't, use skills and energies.
     
  6. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    Priya,

    The best thing you can do is, support him whatever he wants to try it out. You both are young, and nothing wrong in giving some room to experiment on new assignment/job. Looks like, you may not be able to influence him, any way. Right or wrong, he decided to do stay on his current position for awhile, hang in there for him instead of pressurize him. He seems to be stubborn, the best is to remain silent and support him. Remember, words spilled cannot be taken back.

    In 2000 dot com boom, my DH quit his job and tried out few things. Eventually, he got back on track. I agree that the time and money were wasted.
     
    Last edited: Jan 22, 2017
  7. nuss

    nuss Platinum IL'ite

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    Priya, he might be enjoying his job in a start up. Does he complain about it? Be there for him. Don't nag, be supportive. Do let him know that you think he is very smart and will fit easily in an MNC or whatever else he might want to do.
    My husband is like your DH. He is one of the smartest person I know but he won't really take risks or actively seek growth opportunities. He is usually happy with whatever he has. I understand that it can be frustrating especially if you are a go- getter type because that's how I am. It took me good 5 years to learn to not get frustrated and let him choose to do whatever he wants.
     
    Rihana and KashmirFlower like this.
  8. divshiri87

    divshiri87 Gold IL'ite

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    Priya,
    My dh is same like ur dh but there are very few differences (leave those). He never opens up even if i ask him. I know my dh before my marriage, so i know that it's his nature and i never expect him to change.
    I used to ask him the reason when he is dull. The reason will be always his work pressure or sometimes related to money. So i will try to make him happy so that he can come out of pressure. Used to make his favourite food, will play for sometime with him like carroms. So once he become normal, i used to ask him the reason and i will motivate him.
    Don't ask too many questions when he is not in a mood to answer. Instead hug him, give him a kiss and try to change his mood.

    Reg job related stuff, is he happy in his current job? We cannot ask him to change job just for us. Even job in a big mnc is not secure, so don't worry about job security. U said he is talented, so he can get any job. Don't worry about that.
    Only thing you need to do is make him happy and be happy.
     

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