Mother's health or Marriage

icyspicy,

Don't get angry with me.I know here everyone would like to give you hand.But I think you are married at wrong age.You don't know how to take care of yourself.
If your husband expecting money from your parents ,just say big NO.
Wether you husband spend on your or you get money for yourself,it's between both of you.You need to put stop for expecting things from parents.Whatever you asked were already explained to you many times.But again you are coming to sqare no 1.

You are not in situation to take care of yoruself.Don't bring child now itself.Then it will become big mess.First stand up for yourself,learn how to manage the family ,once you are comfortable then plan for kid.

I see more than your husband and your in-laws,the problem is laying with you only.You are not really ready to handle a family.You are like a kid who doesn't know a,b,c,d.

Don't take offence.Think about it.For your situation,get a job and stand up for yourself.You told us your husband used to share things with you initial days of marraige and then he stopped.

May be you are bugging him more that's why he might have stopped.So don't expect anything from him.Do your part ,get confidence and be a strong women and thing will automatically fall in place.

All the best

 

Ok Icy for ppl who are not smart enuff to deal with ILs independently can always seek advise from ladies here & keep parents away and grow up.

If ur scared of ur DH taking away all ur money & hence ur reason to not to work then there's also a way.. keep ur offer letter & payslip at office... If u try mentioning him that I can contribute only amnt X.. then he'll find ways to grab the remaining Y.
Again u can make investments so that ur money is parked and not wasted but then yes .. most of momma's boy DH are being told to safeguard their money & use up their wives.

In my marr I've also spent more than enuff in the starting years.. which actually a guy shud be spending.. but then I never mentioned to him my take home.. you can tell him his words.. I'm also not comfy discussing finances with you...
I had a limit X fixed to be spent. .after which I used to inform him that my accnt needs to wait for the next payslip... & then we used to wait... he grew up after a while seeing me spending & now he also ends up buying a few things.

Also I dont understand that you want to make DH spend for you.. I guess the primary reason to do a job is to earn for your requirements & to spend for yourself & your family. You cant force ppl to spend on you... it'll only invite trouble & misconduct. You're the only child for ur parents .. so whatever they have is urs.. u really dont need to save a lot.. u just need to earn & spend on ur comforts & save some amount.

 

If you and his mother fell ill at the exact same time, then who should your DH take xare of? Think about this and the answer to your question will become very obvious.

Also, your father is an able-bodied adult, right? Where is he and why is he not assuming responsibility for his wife?

 

Icy

If your mom and husband are not feeling well and need to be taken care of at the same time, your mom has her husband i.e your dad by her side...am sure he can take care of her and manage things around or arrange for some maid or help to help both your parents.

Now your husband needs you isnt it?? how can he take care of himself when he is down with fever and no one around even to offer some soup or glass of water???

Girl, you really have to growup and ask yourself what are your priorities. You know tht you have problems in marriage, I personally feel your husband is more matured than you he knows exactly what he wants. On the other hand, everytime there is some new situation, you get all workedup run here n there and finally you feel if you go and hide at your parents place, all these unresolvable issues would go away:hide:but thats not the case and that would never happen/

You are married. First priority is you and your husband (not your parents/inalws).

Did you talk to your husband about you going to your parents house and taking care of your mom? what was his response? Now that he is down with fever, did he ask you to come back? even if he didnt ask, as your inlaws are not around, and your husband being along at home, isnt it a tougher situation??

Let your father take care of your mom, if possible arrange for some paid help and go to your husband.

Icy, you have to sit down sometime when you get a chance, and try to ask yourself, were you ready for marriage when you got married? now that you are married, what do you want, dont expect your husband to come with you and stay at your parents house. no man with self respect would do that and that too you both already have lots of issues. Dont try to run away to your parents house or try to find faults iwth your husbands behaviour. I seriously think that you have a lot of catching up work to do, as first if you mend ways with your self, you sure would see a difference in your husband.

Dont expect him to change overnight and be all lovey dovey when you ..yourself are acting so confused. Call your husband and tell him you are coming back to take care of him and see his reaction. Did you check iwth him on whether he is taking medicines or what is he eating / cooking or doing? when are your inlaws going to be back?

 

ICY...... I am speechless with your last query :bonkmore might be on way.
Malyatha has already pointed to the exact & correct way of answering this ques.

Pls burry all your issues with your DH else he might also start claiming that you improved by "-10%" . When you claim that you're giving it a try then burry all the hatches & dont reciprocate to his past acts if any.

If you dont have capacity to shuttle between 2 houses & take care of 2 ailing relations... your utmost priority is DH & his health. Your parents shall always be yours even if you dont prioritize them against ur DH (I assume that your parents wont be having the same doubt as you)... but you really need to work towards the relation - Marriage.