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Mother's Day Of A Mother!

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Srama, May 12, 2020.

  1. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Mother’s Day! Oh no! DD has been thrilled planning my day, throwing me hints here and there about what to expect for the day. The talk has been going on for a week or so and yet here I am wondering as to how to break the news. No, it is not that I do not like Mother’s Day! I do. I really do. I love seeing all of my friends’ moms and feel the joy in the neighborhood as families visit one another. Honestly I miss my mom and MIL so much and if you really don’t believe it, all you have to do is sit by me for about 5 mins while I browse through friends' posts/wishes of their moms on social media, missing my own - you will catch me bawling and you will run away. I promise that. It gets me emotional.

    Come to think of it, celebrations make me emotional. Any kind. I love celebrations. When people usually ask me if I am offended if they wished a Merry Christmas to me, I always go ‘pffft’. Why would I be? When people start with a Happy or a Merry when they wish, I believe they are happy celebrating something and are only trying to spread that happiness. But we all know these hallmark card days too. I am not going to debate on that, here and now. Honestly, I do not know how I feel about them, Hallmark card days I mean, but seeing other people especially my family joyful has always made me happy and I do not hesitate to be a part of that happiness.

    So here we are, a day before Mother’s Day and I am still wondering as to how to break the news. I play along guessing my present game with her and catching the family off guard one time turn to my DD and tell her that I love it so much that she especially is planning so much but there is one thing I really don’t like as a present, praying hard that she hasn’t planned that part. Seeing her raised eyebrows, watching the looks getting exchanged between the family, I very hesitantly break the news starting with “I love that you are all making such a fuss about the day but please, please pretty please don’t force me to eat breakfast in bed!” There I said it! I know if they did that, I would cry and they would think of it as tears of joy! NOOO!!! It was not easy breaking that news knowing that DD loves baking and fiddling around in the kitchen these days. There is a sigh of relief all around, me included.

    Seeing the relieved smiles all around I realize that I am of course glad that I have put it out there, but I wonder as to why everyone else is relieved too? Now, it is my turn to raise my eyebrows seeing the relief on their faces and my DD’s turn to gingerly tell me “Thank goodness you don’t want that. One, you wake up at such an unearthly hour that it is impossible to feed you then and two, none of us really know how to keep you in bed till 8 am!” And she finishes by saying “We were also hoping that you won’t be expecting breakfast in bed!” Thank goodness we dodged the Abilene Paradox!

    So, my Mother’s Day began with me waking up early as usual for my yoga, rest of the family sometime later so that my special time started around 9.30 am and ended exactly at 9.35 am with some flowers and chocolate, while the rest of the day was spent with kids chasing Toby with a fit bit attached to his collar trying to understand if the count includes steps taken by all his four legs or just two. Children I tell you!

    PS: There is a reason why we talk of this paradox in our household and without going more into that, here is something that might interest you.

    Story Behind the ‘Abilene Paradox’
    from internet

    The story behind naming this paradox was developed by Jerry Harvey of George Washington University, in 1974. The parable goes like this:

    Scene: Husband, wife, and her parents are sitting cozily in the porch of their house in Coleman, Texas. The day is hot, and they’re busy sipping lemonade, whiling away their time. There is a suggestion by the father-in-law to drive about 53 miles to Abilene, to eat at a cafeteria. The other three are apprehensive, yet agree to it, deciding to go with the flow, rather than opposing it. They end up going to Abilene, in a non-air conditioned car, in the scorching heat, and come back home, having a not-so-great lunch. On their way back, they moan and complain that the decision was wrong, and they did not want to go in the first place itself; however, stuck to it, since they did not want to go against the will of others. The person who had suggested the idea (father-in-law) also states that he simply suggested it because he thought the others might be bored. Eventually, they end up wondering why they wasted their resources on something which none of them wanted to indulge in.
     
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  2. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hahaha. That's a good one. A pleasant way to spend mother's day! Serioulsy, who wondered about Toby's steps - one foot of four feet? The very fact that it crossed their minds is mind blowing!
     
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  3. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Dear Satchi,

    Thank you for your first feedback! It is the staying home thingie that is doing this - kids are figuring out ways to be busy. Chalk work, painting etc but playing with toby seems like fun - from getting him dressed up to applying nail polish to now this.....poor doggie. He has learnt to find a quiet spot to go and catch up on his sleep :)
     
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  4. kaluputti

    kaluputti Gold IL'ite

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    Very interesting post about the mothers' day..also this staying home thingy that makes me look for interesting posts in IL now and then. am able to imagine Toby running and the way you have mentioned...hahaha. Yes interestingly this year my 45 yr old daughter had the gyan, on Mothers' day when she called to wish me that life had been too tough for me hitherto , being the only cook in my house..(since she is tied up at home now catering 5 times and umpteen times to man and teen,). She suggested that I should certainly start outsourcing food once all the confusion reg the lock out is over.I said 'yes' smiling and thinking to myself that I loved doing what I do or did when both children were at home before college and marriage. Didn't tell her ' imagine women those days without modern gadgets ,outsourcing not a choice for most etc...Not when moments of caring words fall on the ears. So saved it for some other time.
     
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  5. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    LOL. That's really cute!
     
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  6. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Dear @kaluputti ma'm,

    Nice to see you here in my snippet. Very happy to hear that you found my post interesting and chose to respond. Thank you!

    And that is why mother's are celebrated everywhere - they know when to speak and when to back off. You also hit the nail on the head right there - when we enjoy what we do, it does not feel stressful. Occasionally it may feel, no doubt about that but the joy of doing it keeps us doing over and over again. In many ways not having all the modern amenities might have helped you. These choices sometimes can lead us to "I can do this, that, that, this and what not" making us feel frustrated at times. As a teacher, I am bombarded with material and students eager to lap up - I am learning that unless I choose wisely what I want to teach, to cater to the needs of students, hold their hand steadily taking them firmly in the path of establishing a love for learning, and helping them get stronger, all of schooling only becomes information overload!

    Sorry went off on a rant. I hope you had a lovely mother's day - your daughter has begun to understand you I think. It is only when we hit mid forties we begin to see what our parents did for us and appreciate them even more. While your daughter's suggestion to outsource food was her way of showing her love, choosing not to tell her what was on your mind seems to be yours. Beautiful!
     
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  7. shyamala1234

    shyamala1234 Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Sabita,
    We have to do many things that we do not like, pretend we enjoyed and not to say any negative thing!!!!! Your daughter is excited, wanted to give you great Mother's Day!!! Feeling behind her thought is great. She can tell all her friends what a wonderful day you had!!!!
    Abilene Paradox....
    Intention of everyone is to please others....making them happy. I like it.
    You had a great day!
    Syamala
     
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  8. kaluputti

    kaluputti Gold IL'ite

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    srama..I think ranting is allowed during lock down..:)..that is what I do too...you rightly said about the choices we make leading us to trouble and frustration...but it is inherent in certain individuals to push themselves to the maximum and just cant help themselves from doing it...trouble brews when they do it for others, pushing I mean...Well you are right in saying that education and learning nowadays information overload as also information gathering....we know it is available everywhere, so instead of retaining and assimilating we just graze through everything.
    Coming to children understanding us, I think only and only when they undergo similar experiences in their lives and find that it is not that easy to make choices and always act intelligently and to the happiness of everyone . around..!At times I feel that by the time they come to that stage of life will be late for the parents?..
     
    Last edited: May 15, 2020
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  9. kaluputti

    kaluputti Gold IL'ite

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    Well well shyamala1234, nice to see you again after a long time...I have not been here that is y...Well to say or not / to do not .. should always be 'our' choice, and if so, so we do it for ourselves...we become happy by making other happy , not offending others...to avoid conflicts and it goes on...Doing what we dont like, since situation has forced it upon us and accepting it as a penance, our karma and happily doing it. Is that what Lord Krishna said in the Gita? All mothers do it andthat is why after only god and before father and even guru mother is positioned..whether children realise or not it is a fact.
     
  10. nuss

    nuss Finest Post Winner

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    Dear Srama- beautiful written! I had the same conversation with my over enthusiastic 7 yo son. He wanted to serve me breakfast in bed and I dislike the idea in principle. I just can’t!
    I had to tell him nicely that it’s a sweet thought but I would rather like all of us to enjoy the special breakfast downstairs at the table. Thankfully, no feelings hurt!
    He went for a morning walk with his dad to collect wildflowers (yellow and blue... my favorite colors) and both kids made the breakfast together. Handmade cards, painted rocks, and hugs.... a perfect Mother’s Day!
     
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