Mother-in-law's presence has made life hell for me and my 13 day old baby

I guess you must have read about postnatal care in other forums like what to eat and what to do and what not. Avoid all legumes except toor dal. Avoid all gas forming veggies and food items. Eat soft things whicha re easily digestible by a sick body. Drink oma water. Dont feed baby immediately after shower. You should follow some strictness not only 11days or 40days, at least 2-3months. Better ask your mother what all to be followed. Ignore your MIL presence in house. Let her speak and do what she likes. dont worry if she is not cooking anything, you take care of yourself imagine you are all alone. Right now most important thing si your health and baby. So just think about you and baby. Let her do her wayss, she will be happy that way then you can be stressfree too. Don't overthink.

 

Congratulations for the little doll in your life!!!:cheers

Let her sulk .You can't do much about it.
Since you are already taking care of yourself and the baby...continue doing that. Ask Dh to help on weekends.

If possible...get a part time maid or any kind of help. If husband objects...tell him MIL does't help because of back pain so you need help.Read up on child care and care of new mothers on the net. Call up your mom and ask ...follow that.

you can't force her to help you. Remember how she treated you during your time of need. You will feel less guilty if you are not able to help her in her time of need. what goes round comes around.

 

You are surely stressed. Handling a new born for 60+ year old is excruciating. You have a pact wit her. You eat/take bath/wet hair according to your MIL. But you take care of the baby 100% of the time. That is a good middle ground. Send her out for walk or to a mall or to meet another grand ma in the neighborhood. That way, she can have some sanity.

 

Congrats on your newborn baby.

Please don't be upset about anything and please DON'T try to please anyone. It is you who must be taken care of and pleased but neither your hubby nor your ILs care two hoots.

It's a sad situation but you need to be brave, for yourself and for your baby.

Your MIL is egoistic and eccentric and so is your hubby. Please don't lose sleep over such weird people who don't care for you.

 

By virtue of being present during child birth, she is doing a great help to OP. She cant in future blame MIL for not being perfect while MIL was here. OP could be having thousand other issues with MIL. But this cant be one of them. For grandparents, it is hell out in US. Mind wont function/think with any reason. They are longing for people to see, meet and talk.

OP, I am sure you are feeling miserable with her and probably dislike her at this point. Find ways to interact with her selectively. You send her to watch movies, to restaurants, any shows, museums etc with your DH. You don't go with them. Put DVDs at home for her to watch.

 

If she can't help ,she can atleast stop trying to create trouble for her with her Dh.

 

Congrats on the birth of your baby. This is a stressful time, irrespective of your MIL's presence.

Now, from what I understand, your MIL wanted you to follow some of her customs and you disagreed with it! My questions to you is what's wrong with all her suggestions? Why not look up her suggestions, before disagreeing with her? For example: use of cloth diapers. She has taken the trouble to stitch it, so use it atleast for a while! Use diapers at night or when going out. Most of us do it, and there is nothing wrong with that. Use of coconut oil is good for the baby too. Besan etc can be used on the child much later. Baby bassinet may or may not be useful. Your MIL is right, most of the time you will end up with the baby in your bed. But it's up to you to handle the situation as diplomatically as possible. Just think about it........would you have said things to your mother if she had made similar suggestions?

Yes, your MIL was wrong in not accompanying you to the hospital and seeing the baby, but what did you say to her or about her that made her feel sad? Remember she is an old lady who has feelings too. And irrespective of the fact, that you said things when you were in physical pain, it still hurt her feelings.

I am not taking her side, but if you want some peace, then I suggest you swallow your pride and go apologize for what you said and ask her for her help. She will feel better and eventually get over whatever is bothering her. And if she gives you suggestions not acceptable to you, look it up first or ask others around and then tell her what you think. And when you do say 'NO' say it nicely, with explanations. Remember that she grew up and continues to live in India where practices are different from what happens in America.

 

let her do whatever she wants. dont bother. you think you are alone for your baby and carry on your things smoothly. your depression can affect your baby and your health.
dont talk to her much. i guess u should be feeding on dals and rice and suji halwa. prepare that for you in bulk and eat it for the whole day by warming it.

once in the evening your hubby comes you can give the baby to him and take bath sleep etc etc.

i know how mils could do this. if she is doing this at your post partum period, then you can imagine what kind of human she is. now si the stage for you to relax. dont worry on this bugger mil. she is not turning up when u need her. now the picture is clear. no use of wasting time thinking about this.

once she returns back you can have good time wiht your hubby

 

I really feel bad reading what you are going through but she belongs to a different generation and you have to grin and bear it....and maybe she means well.

Look at the brighter side....in 2 months she will go back and you will be in control of your own house and think of all the fun you will have with your child as your child grows up.