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Mother in law only wants to eat and nothing else

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by cheesecake, Nov 14, 2015.

  1. dimhere

    dimhere Gold IL'ite

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    Okay, @cheesecake, I am going to ignore the slang used, and its defence, and address your actual problem.

    1. You have to cook lots for her - Start buying and stocking ready made meals and snacks for her, so she always has food around. Involve her in the menu planning, and grocery buying, and then slowly even ask her to make one or two items. Appreciate them highly. This is the only way out, apart from you cooking perfect items at perfect times always.
    What about cooking large batches and freezing, storing them?

    2. You cannot party - she doesn't eat party food. So why do you take her there? Leave her at home, with her favorite food, and you go out. Did she explicitly tell YOU also not to party? Then you need to talk to her about it, and reach a compromise.

    Maybe after partying for a few times, you will be in a better frame of mind to cook more for her, or show some respect towards her.
     
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  2. simpleton

    simpleton Silver IL'ite

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    @cheescake.

    There is nothing wrong in the slang that you used. i have read lot of bad words used towards MIL in the same website for which people have not taken it wrong, not sure why this is being mistaken. We come to this website and vent out all our feelings as we cannot share everything with our DH/mom/siblings and if we do not have close friends. I am not saying we should use bad words or disrespect them but for many people like me whenever we think of them,It ll be literally burning inside.

    Everyone has issues with inlaws ,So let's not ask irrelevant questions to the op and help op with her concerns.

    As others suggested, ask her for help and appreciate her a lot....i started appreciating my MIL for cooking and she helps me a lot whenever she can.I say "I love your rasam a lot, it is the best" so she says I ll cook 2 items and you cook 2 items.

    Also create interest in her to attend parties and describe about those parties, ask her to wear nice saree,salwar and she would also be interested in attending..

    Take ample amount of rest and good sleep.
    If i don't get help its the same for me and I also feel like hell. always cooking or being in the kitchen for something...
    Try cooking non-indian or somethign simple, ask her to try eating it.Then she will definitely help you.Ask what she likes and cook that.After few days she ll ask what you like and will cook that for you.
     
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  3. kcb

    kcb IL Hall of Fame

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    How can you say that its irrelevant....it was part of her post. If OP need advice / opinion of ILites then she should be prepared to receive the criticism also if something wrong in her post.
     
  4. cheesecake

    cheesecake Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks a lot dimhere and simpleton for understanding me.this is what i was trying to convey and thank you for the solution.
     
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  5. cheesecake

    cheesecake Senior IL'ite

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    Kcb dear i already took the criticism in a happy way coz it was irrelevent.i was just being open n practical.
    Have you all never ever in your life said bad about anyone? I should meet you all then and give a prize.
     
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  6. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    OP,

    The above issue is the real problem. you are not be able to do what you like and enjoy naturally and instead day in day out forced to cook/only do what she wants or approves of is the real reason you feel so resentful of her.

    you have to slowly make her understand you are not her clone or twin. subtly get the point across that you are different entities. Make a dish the way your mother makes it - once in a while. If she complains tell her that variety is good and you like to eat that dish prepared in this way too.

    As for her single minded focus on food- could be she is bored at your place with nothing else to do. Introduce her to other aunties in your neighborhood or to games on ipad. Is there a senior center in your area? Try different things to divert and entertain her. What does she enjoy? walks, classical songs, arty crafts or movies there must be few things. Think of options among those and encourage her to do those. It may help you.
     
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  7. Lakshmipav

    Lakshmipav Silver IL'ite

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    ok I will come to your point saying bad words depends on the intensity of the problem facing .. If somebody saying bad words about me then I will say but at least I wil not start from my side .. You never said what problems ur facing ( of course it's upto you but u justified ur an open person ) started saying ur mil wants to eat n since she is fat u said all that there u lost .. And the ans is not are we said bad words or not towards anyone most of the advices people won't fallow they give .. If u want to give prize yea am eligible I wil not say anything to my mil if I can't say it to my mother I fallow it .. Angry n hatred both r diff .. U can be angry with your mil for some time but don't hate for simple reasons .. Even though if they want they can stay just 6 mon right.. after that it's all your time n freedom y not just be happy for the time they stay simple compromises makes life happy..
     
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  8. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    OP...the problem starts when we give up too much of ourselves for their approval in the beginning.We all have done it.Some reluctantly.some willingly and some over enthusiastically.

    Some because we were taught by parents,some because we were told by in laws,some just to please or some just forced to do.

    Whether the 'compromise' is big or small...the resentment depends on how much you miss it.

    You are resentful of the changes you feel forced to make to be in this relationship.

    Slowly try to change it.You cant change her,but you can change yurself.
    You like to party...you do that.Plan ,cook the meals and then you go and party. If asked,tell that it makes you happy .Don' compromise on things that you pine for.Let her have what she wants and you have what you want.

    My mil likes to eat good food.She leads an unhealthy life.For years I tried to make her eat healthy when she comes to our place.I made healthy food for her,not food that she likes. That was my mistake. She resented me for doing that.I now know that I can't make her healthy in 2-3 months a year. Besides ,resentment is also very un healthy.(for both)

    Now I get good mithai for her,make her favorite food .She is happy. Her son can fight the battle of health with her because even if she resents him one day,she will forgive him the next day. Dil mil relationship is not so forgiving....both ways.

    Let her do what she likes,while you concentrate on getting back the things you gave up and want back.
     
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  9. cheesecake

    cheesecake Senior IL'ite

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    Yes the problem is i compromise a lot not because i am afraid but i dont feel good making her feel upset or dislike something.if she say something bad to me then everyone is fine except me.i cry alone a lot but now trying to become bold.true that dh mother wont change and will want us to do things their way orthodox too.it feels like my life is based on her commands only.and abroad parents get bored even though u do so many things for them.dh mother stays for more than 6 months.how can i entertain her everyday.and she is always complaining abt people new things new generation etc.thank you for your suggestions.i feel good now.
     
  10. cheesecake

    cheesecake Senior IL'ite

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    I have no fight with dh mother.no bad words on her face.it is very cordial because i keep my mouth shut all the time but from inside you feel angry and under her control right.
     

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