Mother In Law Is Destroying My Marital Life

Bliss9 · May 20, 2023

swarnamary said: ↑

good suggestion sir... if your actions,words cant help him change his action then put kids in action see if it works that way...
oil on the floor hahahahaha its good to laugh at and see how it work but dil have to end up serving her irritating mil its going to more hassel situation..
you can have some girls get together..or if not more, just invite couple of your friends over and have some good times, but still ladies heart long for husband company which they never understand
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You said it right totally right about a wife's wish.

Bliss9 · May 20, 2023

Thyagarajan said: ↑

Indeed ladies heart long for proximity of “good behaved” DH ALMOST all the time irrespective of age. Some girls are very clever right from the beginning(!) and keep DH tied to their apron or the phāllü/ thalappu(in tamil) -meaning the edge of open or free end of the draped saree. Even some are courageous to call a spade a spade in the beginning itself and set ultimatum to DH to have separate establishment for themselves.
Those who had separate establishment were good and lead robust healthy life freely pursuing their desires or course! Some of them achieved great enviable success in all spheres of life. They escaped the parentral trap.
Those who cursing their stars under which they born lead “unsatisfied” life evenlly suffer with depression praying for quick departure of MIL FIL SIL BIL to heavens.

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A small correction here. Departure to "Hell" instead of Heaven.

EagerForInfo · Jun 13, 2023

I have similar situation too. Will be following !

EagerForInfo · Jun 13, 2023

Bliss9 said: ↑

Thank you wonderful ladies for your suggestions. @satchitananda I have applied this strategy in the past. When his mom is around, he IGNORES me completely. When I do the same when his mom is not with us or when my parents are with me, he cannot take it at all. He wants all the attention and care he NEVER gave me. When I confront him, he never accepts that he ignored me. @mangaii , @DDream my family visits are not often, it is once in 2 or 3 years. Yes, I am planning to speak up and make it clear about the duration of her visit especially because my FIL is still alive. She still has place to live in India and a person to live with. I do not feel guilty for being unfair to her. Still if she is stubborn and wants to live in the US, then I am ready to rent a place near by my home and have her stay there but NOT going to let her stay in my house and take away my sanity. That lady or my DH do not know how to draw boundaries. In the best interest of my kids and myself, I believe it is the time for me to speak up or even fight if necessary. It is relatively easier for me to take divorce but I believe in known devil is better than unknown God. Hence the struggle.
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Omg. Sounds so similar to my issue. My DH Had dedicated his life to getting her to live with us !

Bliss9 · Jun 24, 2023

EagerForInfo said: ↑

Omg. Sounds so similar to my issue. My DH Had dedicated his life to getting her to live with us !
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Oh no! It is so disheartening to find out that some one else is going through the same pain as mine. Hugs to you dear!
I am DMing you.

nolife · Dec 28, 2023

I got married recently and going through same pain.. Atleast you have some 6mons of free time. In my case mother in laws husband died long back and she stays with us all the time with no freedom for us. I am going through different hell second time around and it has impacted my job life too.

Thyagarajan · Jan 3, 2024

nolife said: ↑

I got married recently and going through same pain.. Atleast you have some 6mons of free time. In my case mother in laws husband died long back and she stays with us all the time with no freedom for us. I am going through different hell second time around and it has impacted my job life too.
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I was wondering why a response or feedback here in a thread that began 6-7 months ago and remain truncated.
I empathise but think there are lakhs akin to the sufferings you undergo around the globe but many overcome and stride into a happy women's world. Somewhere in the corner of your mind hidden the courage to live and lead instead remain silent & suffer . I emphatise but I trust you would devise ways to get ahead of this melancholy.
Happy New Year.
Regards.

Sreevidyaa · Mar 13, 2024

I might come out as being rude but this is my opinion. Who does the household chores? You said your husband and his mother goes out and also talks on phone for hours. If you are the one who cooks, does dishes and laundry do for your own self and your kids. Do not cook for such a selfish husband and his mother. Continue same treatment whether your mil is around or not. Let him feel the neglect he is receiving from being isolated from yourself. Let him take care of himself. Do not restrain yourself from showing off your anger and vent out. My experience is that holding onto feelings will only destroy your health. Why do people have to feel that they are obliged to serve the husband and his family. Why not be the other way round? Why can’t the husband and his mother help with the household hold work and take care of the wife and kids? Is it the Entitlement based on our traditional values which is paternalistic in nature. Let them swallow a bitter pill.