1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Mother In Law Is Destroying My Marital Life

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Bliss9, May 17, 2023.

  1. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,725
    Likes Received:
    2,519
    Trophy Points:
    285
    Gender:
    Female
    As @ Malstrom at post 7 has rightly said, your husband is the issue here! After all these years, it is very difficult to change such people . Your best bet here, if u do not want to divorce, is just carry on, concentrating on yourself and the kids, and let your husband know as such in clear terms.
     
  2. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    1,917
    Likes Received:
    3,997
    Trophy Points:
    285
    Gender:
    Female
    I understand the difficult situation.
    Typical momas boy husband. What exactly you want to achieve? You are directing your energy to wrong person. MIL is not the problem here. You cant replace her, she can't replace you. You cant change both of them, then whats the option. Either seperate or if not, accept and change your strategy- take 180 deg turn, define boundaries. Thats the practical option you have. Otherwiss you are fighting a war you cant win. There is no legal option to take against a mother or son for spending time together.
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  3. mangaii

    mangaii Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    1,533
    Likes Received:
    1,986
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Does your family visit you ?
    Be strict about the duration of mom’s visit
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  4. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    17,880
    Likes Received:
    25,953
    Trophy Points:
    590
    Gender:
    Female
    More often than not, it is the husband who is the problem. Not that the mother in law is not, but it is upto the husband to know where to draw the line and to behave himself.

    You can at best ignore him, stop giving him importance, and to do that, you have to stop letting him see that you feel bad with this behaviour. Even more important is to make him feel you are fine without him even when his mom is not there. Don't ask for help. Treat him like a persona non grata. MAYBE he might wake up and smell the coffee?
     
    joylokhi, Thyagarajan and MalStrom like this.
  5. AppuMom

    AppuMom Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    303
    Likes Received:
    448
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Make yourself and kids your first priority. Ignore him and make weekend plans for you and kids.Do not give any special treatment serving food on the table,folding/ironing his clothes.Instead use that time for your personal grooming and hobbies since he is dedicating all his TIME to his mom and not for you.Your H will realize soon.if not tell him you will move out and have your own space .Some people need tight slap.Sorry to be blunt and forward but some men always feel they are entitled and privileged creatures of Earth.
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  6. Bliss9

    Bliss9 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    64
    Likes Received:
    25
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you wonderful ladies for your suggestions. @satchitananda I have applied this strategy in the past. When his mom is around, he IGNORES me completely. When I do the same when his mom is not with us or when my parents are with me, he cannot take it at all. He wants all the attention and care he NEVER gave me. When I confront him, he never accepts that he ignored me. @mangaii , @DDream my family visits are not often, it is once in 2 or 3 years. Yes, I am planning to speak up and make it clear about the duration of her visit especially because my FIL is still alive. She still has place to live in India and a person to live with. I do not feel guilty for being unfair to her. Still if she is stubborn and wants to live in the US, then I am ready to rent a place near by my home and have her stay there but NOT going to let her stay in my house and take away my sanity. That lady or my DH do not know how to draw boundaries. In the best interest of my kids and myself, I believe it is the time for me to speak up or even fight if necessary. It is relatively easier for me to take divorce but I believe in known devil is better than unknown God. Hence the struggle.
     
    swarnamary likes this.
  7. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    11,640
    Likes Received:
    12,463
    Trophy Points:
    615
    Gender:
    Male
    Take it easy. Consider always going with MIL (& or DH) along with kids. Tit for tat. They need seclusion excluding you & kids so You act as a spoiler - you join them and destroy there
    in-camera action. Teach your kid to nag your mil . If you cant go with them, make your kids to cry and go with them fir the outing. Make your presence felt all the time in spots where DH & MIL SEEKS ISOLATION. Keep on showering platitudes too often till they get dropped dead. You boring them with your intrusion- speech should turn paramount.

    if MIL IS quite healthy with strong hamstrings that enables her to enjoy outdoor trips, think to do something fir her leg/knee. I got this idea after watching series of tamil operas in SUN TV channel. There i had seen mil or co sister throw oil on the floor so expecting the dynamic DIL would slip on the floor. Here DIL can attempt it on her MIL as a revenge / punishment for her spoiling your marital bliss! I agree that issue is with DH as pointed out here by others who sailed in same boat for awhile or experienced differently, but you almost said that your DH is having Oedipus complex.

    And what is the link “LESS” IN PINK doing at the foot of OP ‘s original post. IT TAKES TO some lawyers academy?!

    I didn’t click “Like” button to YOUR ORIGINAL post because it is not a likeable situation. You also consider enquiring MIL Whether in her days of just after marriage and afterwards her MIL was doing the way that she behaves/acts now with you?

    God Bless.
     
    Last edited: May 18, 2023
    swarnamary likes this.
  8. swarnamary

    swarnamary Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    525
    Likes Received:
    569
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    good suggestion sir... if your actions,words cant help him change his action then put kids in action see if it works that way...
    oil on the floor hahahahaha its good to laugh at and see how it work but dil have to end up serving her irritating mil its going to more hassel situation..
    you can have some girls get together..or if not more, just invite couple of your friends over and have some good times, but still ladies heart long for husband company which they never understand
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  9. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    11,640
    Likes Received:
    12,463
    Trophy Points:
    615
    Gender:
    Male
    Indeed ladies heart long for proximity of “good behaved” DH ALMOST all the time irrespective of age. Some girls are very clever right from the beginning(!) and keep DH tied to their apron or the phāllü/ thalappu(in tamil) -meaning the edge of open or free end of the draped saree. Even some are courageous to call a spade a spade in the beginning itself and set ultimatum to DH to have separate establishment for themselves.
    Those who had separate establishment were good and lead robust healthy life freely pursuing their desires or course! Some of them achieved great enviable success in all spheres of life. They escaped the parentral trap.
    Those who cursing their stars under which they born lead “unsatisfied” life evenlly suffer with depression praying for quick departure of MIL FIL SIL BIL to heavens.






     
    swarnamary likes this.
  10. Bliss9

    Bliss9 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    64
    Likes Received:
    25
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you for replying.
    I cannot afford to go with them every time they go out. Practically, it is not possible for me as my work is more demanding and challenging than him but whenever I can, I will try to become spoiler alert for the mom and son duo. Honestly, I do not want her to get hurt as it results in her extended stay. @Admin/@Moderator, please delete the "LESS" link in my original post. I am not able to edit it. Do you know how do I contact Admins to get the link deleted?
     

Share This Page