Mother encourages discrimination in the family

Op, google for "golden child". You will be able to better understand this family dynamics.

This thread might help a bit http://www.indusladies.com/forums/r...16930-scapegoats-of-narcissistic-parents.html

Anu, glad you and your husband are out of that toxic approval seeking cycle.

 

Mimi, I asked those questions because I wanted to know whether it would be any use your trying to do anything about it. If he did not perceive any such discrimination, all efforts by you might go to waste.

Now that you say he does perceive it, but prefers to remain silent for the sake of peace, there appears to be just one way of retaliating. I doubt one can change your mil's behaviour at this stage of her life. All you can do is pay a deaf ear to their homilies about looking after older bil and sil. Why do they need taking care of? They are the older ones and are the ones who should be doing the "taking care of younger bro" if at all any such thing is needed. So just pretend not to ear and be non-cooperative in such matters. Do just the basic minimum to maintain a working relationship. Of course your husband has to be willing to do that. Otherwise things just continue the way they are.

 

dear op,

i feel you guys are being victimised.

your MIL is taking advantage of your DH's goodness.

please stop assisting them financially, as i feel, if you give them your finger they will ask for your hand.

you guys also need to plan your future and save funds for your kids, so please slowly slowly stop giving financial help, only help your MIL with money and no one else.

 

i have seen my paternal granny do that. I don't know if it was out of ignorance, malice or insecurity. In the long run my dad and uncel could not get along. Its quite opposite between us siblings. We both think we are the favourite child, and argue about it..

 

You are right- her pampering of her older son must have made him grow up into an entitled adult.

Ignore your MIL. Let her run her mouth. As long as you have your husband on your side, it should be fine. Helping someone is different from spoon feeding somone and hopefully your husband realizes that and not fall for your MIL's manipulation.

 

I just feel sad for such people who does not have in their heart to love their own children sincerely.

 

Mimi, You were in a way correct.. Parents try to favour the child who, they feel is inferior/ needs to be taken care of.its the pity factor. I have noticed this kind of situation in many houses. My PILs insist I treat my younger BIL as our first born(?). He speaks before he thinks, earns quite well, is confident to the extent of being arrogant. Still, MIL says he suffered as a child, my H was born in good times and was away in hostel but BIL suffered.. His life now also is not well. Why, since I was away from home most of my life and even now, my parents, even my younger sis treat me well. So, as long as there are excuses, this will go on.Its not the first born or last, the donkey who works more will be asked to carry. Its upto the donkey to shrug it away.

 

My mom in law used to differentiate between her son and daughter. After marriage she expected her son to support her always. But he can't take if someone humiliates me. My mom in law and sister in law have no other job other than talking about us. Since he respected and loved me a lot, She was also supposed to respect me and I too respected her. My mom in law would have shown a different face if my husband is a momma's boy. My sister in law always try to create some problem and she thought I would take everything with a smile. I don't take any nonsense from them and I used to give them back. Anyway I thank my sister in law for teaching me how a sister in law should'nt be. I used to be like a mirror. If they smile, I will smile. If they fight, I will do the same. Since I am like this and my husbands supports me, my mil has also accepted me for what I am.