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Morning Hustle And Bp

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by sanjuruby3, May 24, 2022.

  1. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @sanjuruby3

    I agree with @KashmiriFlower in her suggestions. More you shout at your daughter, the situation gets worse over a period of time. Hold her hand, sit down on the ground, and make her listen to your words. When she does, reward her with something she likes. Bring some routine into her habits such as organizing her shoes, selecting her cloth, finishing her homework, etc. the previous night. Tell her that if she wakes up on her own and get ready on time, there will be a reward. Disciplining has to be done in a calmer voice and by one parent at a time. I am glad you both work as a team in disciplining her. It is about channeling her energy in doing her own constructive work as opposed to creating tantrum to spend her energy. Once she falls into that routine, she will feel comfortable and will begin to listen more and more to her parents.
     
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  2. ashwinid01

    ashwinid01 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi @sanjuruby3,

    Like many others suggested it occurs to me that most of your issues will get solved if kids sleep early.
    If the kids got ot sleep on time both you and your DH will get Me or Us time.
    My Son is as old as your daughter, from Sunday to Friday we put him in bed by Max 8:30 (average by 8) and he takes 10-5 mins time to fall asleep if he isn't too tired. On Friday /Saturday he can choose to sleep late but not beyond 9:30.
    We wake him up between 6:45-7:00, so he has enough time to get ready. Yes he does throw tantrums to get ready but since there isn't too much rush it's ok. Morning at home he either eats Musli/boiled/or dosa etc (if i have time to make). He gets lunch at school hence i only give him a box with snacks/sandwich/fruits etc for short break.
    On an average i get my me time by 9:00 pm in night. It keeps me sane. If i am tired i sleep by 10:00 or otherwise by 11:30. A good sleep can do wonders both in kids and adults.
     
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  3. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    TV is hard for her to control.
    She comes from school at 4pm and i am on calls or busy, she watches till i come to stop her by 5:30 ..then later again she keeps watching whenver i am away, not looking, away for shopping etc.
    For H also, it is easier to get away from kids with TV.
    Little one - he will only be off our back if TV is on. Or inside, otherwise outside on street, opens the doors and runs out... to other peoples houses.
    covid has made life mess.. i thought everything is in control for me now, after 2 years, i have stabilized my life with this new routine :-(

    i am going to ask her to atleast bottle-fill herself in the morning. Slowly..once she accomplish that, more tasks.
     
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  4. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Any kind of physical activity will do wonders to get the energy out and the kids will be suitably tired for bedtime.
    When your daughter comes home arrange for her to have a light healthy snack and then head to the playground. My DH does this with our child almost everyday and we see tons of families there with kids of all ages. Whichever one of you is free can take your kids. Even a half hour will be beneficial.
     
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  5. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Finest Post Winner

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    OP,
    After reading above what jumps out to me is the lack of meaningful consequences and rewards. If the only way to get her to behave is for you to be physically chasing her the whole time then it is a losing proposition. Having consequences for not doing and rewards for doing means she does it on her own without you having to chase her.
    The daily schedule you have described is disorganized and if the only way to keep everything on track is your physical presence it is too much. You can neither do your job peacefully nor take care of the kids. Your daughter has too much unsupervised time in my opinion. Esp she's on her own from 4- 5:30 and by then she is already in the habit of TV so fighting you for more. In my time, and admittedly I'm out of date now, we used to have afterschool homework club and afterschool activities till 5:30. Can you enroll her in one of those? At a minimum the homework would be done and no TV either. Another option is to hire someone to supervise both children 4-7:30, pick up, snack, supervise homework, bath, pack bags and pick out clothes for next day. Make no TV a rule and make the person take both kids to the park. Then you just have to deal with making dinner and putting them to bed. We used to do this. Even now many working couples with similar age kids do this. Since both of you are working it's a good option. Anyway now summer is coming, both kids will be out of school and the chaos will increase. How will you manage? Having a person to supervise the kids part of the time will be helpful. Rest of the time you can put them in summer camps. Think about it.
     
    Last edited: May 26, 2022
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  6. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    I happen to enter my elder brother’s home when his spouse was shouting at her four year old who was throwing bouncing ball against show case and the reception was scattered with toys all over the floor.

    She cheerfully welcomes me in and began complaining about her little. I asked her for old newspaper. I crumbled it into a ball and gave it into small palm of the little boy and asked him “ letuz play cricket?”.

    He was cock-a-hoop at my suggestion.

    I suggested him to bat and began throwing paper ball gently a full toss at his bat. With a good strike of the ball with his small bat, he turned more docile and hugged me for the game.

    A delighted sister-in-law enjoyed a semblance of serenity!

    Destructive energy could be used for constructive purposes. Such nurturing & grooming perhaps find place in top echelons of army!
     
    Last edited: May 26, 2022
  7. kavikuyil

    kavikuyil Bronze IL'ite

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    Maybe re-examine the thought-“I want to get them off my back”.

    Curious qn - What exactly do u do in the evng? If u make a list of those items, how many of those can you outsource? Or do in bulk? Or do it on weekend? Also if you are on phone, and do household work and have to manage kids.. it may get very frustrating… I have an absolutely no screen time in the morning policy until 9 am and also some screen blocked time in the evng. This is very helpful for me manage my time better. Otherwise I end up feeling rushed … maybe u can try it too. U can have your screen time during day or after kids goto bed .. u figure out what time would work for u but don’t let screen time (tv phone, work) interfere with family time or getting the household work done.
     
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  8. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    Morning, I do not watch or listen anything, My mind is so rushed to get her ready or get her stuff ready.
    Same thing in the evening - when kids or family, is arouns, my mind is rushed, i feel like i need to work, not sit/stand/idle /think..just have to keep working.
    Which is part of problem. I do not enjoy with them, only them being away i feel relaxed.
    Well, I want them to get off my back - I mean literal .
    I examine, reexamine that everyday and guilt filled always. I see my fellow moms who leave kids for movie dinner trips, their family kids have same expectations.
    I do not go out much and if i even for 30mins, i plan/cook /call if kids fed like that so worries come with me. Do not leave them to H for food like my friends.
    Moment TV is off, they start bothering me or demanding things from me, bad demands, like icecreame, chocolate ,candy, this that, ..pulling me my garments, even if i am cooking or something very busy.
    Older one - can we do this, that or can we go to park, we eat outside.
    As long as they are watching TV, they are fine.

    I do not watch phone much, i do not find time for it. Only after they sleep i do but infact i myself crash or watch with swollen watery eyes that demand rest.
    I am planning to reorg and add more chores for my daughter and less cooking.
    We have been eating a lot out but nothing is helping with my anxiety in the morning. Son eats at school but I think i should let older one as well.
     
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  9. kavikuyil

    kavikuyil Bronze IL'ite

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    Sorry I didn’t mean to say u spent too much screen time, just shared my perspective from my personal experience.

    Honestly after reading your last post, I feel u have probably never had some time off .. or to rest and recoup.

    maybe u can also simplify your meals - maybe think back what you eat everyday and see how u can simplify it … say, give cereal to kids on certain days, buy readymade rotis if u need to, get an electric pressure cooker like instant pot (life changer), try one pot meals like khichdi, biryani, bisibelebath bath etc or try OpOS cooking … so many things u can do to improve / simplify the process .. nothing wrong with ordering out once in a while and nothing wrong in letting DH take care of them and letting him feed them food (this is actually very important for him to learn to play equal role as parent and kids need to learn that as well) even if he messes up for a few days, it’s okay, he will learn ..it’s important to let go control a bit and let him do his job … if kids don’t eat properly on one day, they won’t fall sick .. they will learn to ask and eat better. Don’t stand in the way of their growth, believing that ‘good moms do everything and nobody else can do that job like a mom’. even if they can’t do a job as good as you, so what? They will learn. If u continue to control the process, they cannot learn.

    Come up with a simple meal plan for a week, simple evng routine, morning routine and weekend routine … don’t do any complex cooking - keep everything real simple .. take a day off and sleep.. get some rest and take care of yourself ( remember, oxygen for self first?) start doing small changes one by one, and it will get better slowly.

    There’s something we do at office for process improvement - eliminate, simplify and automate. I find it works wel at home too.

    - eliminate (learn to say no! to what doesn’t serve u anymore - it means not accepting all invites that come your way, saying no to people who come visiting u when it doesn’t work for u, cutting down complex recipes on week days, etc)

    - simplify (understand what’s essential, what’s standing in its way and reduce bottlenecks, start with version 0.1 (version 10 can come few yrs later) really simple meal
    Plans, routines etc fall under the is.

    - automate (anything that can be set on auto pilot, also be open to outsource, insource (delegate to other people within home), I use electric pressure cooker that I set up and it turns iff by itself) automatic bill payment, etc u can also say repetition of same meal plan every week is a kind of automation.
     
    Last edited: May 29, 2022
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  10. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    To feel at home in outdoor indoor, one has to practise
    SWOT & ABC analysis.
    Gas lighter or match stick is a light item
    but it’s missing in kitchen leads to chaos and even adrenaline rush especially when u need to compress so much work in short time.
    It is important, it is kept handy in at least two or more places.
    Spouse has LPG Oven gas lighters & scissors in three to four places.
    Some are tied to a post in kitchen rack.
    She manage with least multiple handling. No duplication of work.
     

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