1) 'If you're such a good fortune-teller, you should be able to tell me the score of tonight’s hockey game before it starts!' 'Before the game starts, the score will be nothing to nothing!' 2) Batson: Suppose you loan Ralph ten dollars and he agrees to repay you at the rate of the dollar a week. How much money would you have after seven weeks? Jayon: Nothing. Batson: nothing? You don’t know very much about math. Jayon: You don’t know much about Ralph. 3) A tourist was introduced to an Indian in New Mexico who has a perfect memory. Skeptical, the tourist asked, “What did you have for breakfast on September 10, 1943?” The Indian answered, “Eggs.” The man scoffed, “Everyone eats eggs for breakfast. He’s a phony.” Thirteen years later the traveler’s train stopped again in the small New Mexico town, and he saw the same Indian sitting on the train platform. The tourist went up to him and said jovially, “How!” The Indian answered, “Scrambled.” 4) The following note was fastened to a defective parking meter with a rubber band: 'I put three nickels in this meter. License number 4761PQ.' 'FRD719 – Me, too!' 'So did I - JRY335.' 'I’m not going to pay a nickel to find out if these guys are lying. WTM259.' 5) Q. What’s cleverer than speaking in several languages? A. Keeping your mouth shut in one. 6) Son: Why do the ladies always bring their knitting when they come to visit? Father: So they will have something to think about while they talk. 7) A motorist had a flat tire in front of the insane asylum. He took the wheel off, and the bolts that held the wheel on rolled down into the sewer. An inmate, looking through the fence, suggested that the man take one bolt from each of the remaining three wheels to hold the fourth wheel in place until he could get to a service station. The motorist thanked him profusely and said, “I don’t know why you are in that place.” The inmate said, “I’m here for being crazy, not for being stupid.” 8) A man put a coin in a vending machine and watched helplessly while the cup failed to appear. One nozzle sent coffee down the drain while another poured cream after it. “Now that’s real automation!” he exclaimed. “It even drinks for you!” [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] 9) A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. 'What on earth,' she inquired of the artist standing nearby, 'is that?' He smiled condescendingly. 'That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child.' 'Well, then,' snapped the little old lady, 'why isn't it?' 10) Political news. 1.Laloo to be made the national animal of india. 2.Jaylalitha breaks the record of laloo by staying six months in jail. 3.MF.Hussain paints Mulaayam Singh Yadhav as nude. 4.Flood in bihar, two people dies of thirst. 5.No bombing in Kashmir today. Sports news. 6.Indias coach John Wright says that india is good in everything but a little improvement is required in batting, bowling and fielding. 7.Ganguly is ready to face south africa bacause Sachin is cured from his injury. Population stactics 22%=literate,78%=politicians. [/FONT]
