1) A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?" 2) Teacher: Raghu! You cannot sleep in my class!! Raghu: I can, if you lower your voice a bit! 3) A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?' The father replied: 'Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine.' 4) Instructor giving a lecture on the population explosion: 'Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child.' One student immediately stands up and says: 'She must be found and stopped, sir!' 5) An exhausted hunter out in the wilds stumbled into a camp. 'Am I glad to see you,' he said, 'I've been lost for three days!' 'Don't get too excited, friend,' the other hunter replied. 'I've been lost for three weeks.' 6) At the end of the Cricket World Tournament the Indian manager decided to address the players. 'Guys out of 10 teams we finished at the bottom, that's pretty bad.' 'It could have been worse,' Sehwag said. 'How so?' asked the manager. 'There could have been more teams.' 7) There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big guy comes in and --WHACK!! -- knocks him clean off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big guy says, "That was a karate chop from Korea." The little guy thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden --WHACK-- the big guy knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan." So the little guy has had enough of this... He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big idiot and --Bong!!!-- bangs the big guy off his stool, knocking him out cold!!! The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he comes to, tell him that was a crowbar from Sears." 8) Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown. A few days later, as she was out driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute wooly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?" The shepherd, always the gentleman, said, "Sure!" The blonde thought for a moment and, for no discernible reason, said, "352." This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed, and exclaimed, "You're right! O.K., I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock." The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked the one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others. When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "O.K., now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?" 9) A boy asks his father to explain the differences among irritation, aggravation, and frustration. His father picks up the phone and dials a number at random. When the phone is answered, he asks, "Can I speak to Alf, please?" "No! There's no one called Alf here," says the person who answered the phone. His father hangs up. "That's irritation," he says. He picks up the phone again, dials the same number, and asks for Alf a second time." No-there's no one here called Alf. Go away. If you call again I shall telephone the police," the person says. His father hangs up and says, "That's aggravation." "Then what's frustration?" asks his son. The father picks up the phone and dials the same number a third time. "Hello, this is Alf. Have I received any phone calls?" he asks casually. 10) Mrs. Biddle was walking down the street one day carrying a small box with holes punched in the top. "What's in that box?" Mrs. Riddle asked. "A cat," Mrs. Biddle answered. "What for?" "I've been dreaming about mice at night, and I'm scared of mice. The cat is to catch them." "But the mice you dream about are imaginary," said Mrs. Riddle. Mrs. Biddle turned to her friend and whispered, "So is the cat."