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Monthly Allowance

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by manjarimadhu, Feb 6, 2018.

  1. manjarimadhu

    manjarimadhu New IL'ite

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    I have a little confusion and just want to confirm whether what i am doing is correct or am i overdoing? i am working in abroad and send some money ( around 10 to 15% of my salary) to my parents.My parents are retired central gov employees and got very good pension. my mom is very much happy that i send them money monthly and usually save the money for their emergency needs. i can able to see it is really helpful to them. but the same time if i didnt send that, it is also helpful to us here. The amount is really considerable amount. Without the money we both( my family and my parents) can manage but having it is really helpful. I am not sure sending them is correct or i should save and invest for my immediate family.
    My husband is neutral in this case not supporting or stopping me. he just said do as your wish. just want to know your views.
     
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  2. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    If there no need ( as they are doing financially well due to their pensions)why you should send money? If you think you need money for your family, you can stop sending money. Tell them about it and convey to them that you will be there for them if they need any financial help in future. Anyway, it is your choice. Nothing wrong in sending money as they are your parents or not sending money as they are doing well.

    Best option will be to save the money for your own family. You can help your parents anytime or in emergency situations as your husband is very supportive. That is a big plus point in your case.
     
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2018
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  3. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Continue sending money to your parents if you have some left over after

    A) contributions to your 401K
    B) 529 savings Plan or something similar for kids education
    C) atleast six months savings to account for job loss ( this should cover six months of mortgage / rent , health emergencies and a little extra)
    D) mortgage / rent

    On a side note, money complicates relationships. The fact that this question arises in your mind ( however harmless/ casual ) is proof to that. So if family members don’t have a dire need and can live comfortably on their own savings / earnings let it be.
    You might risk making them feel a uncomfortable when you talk about not contributing financially. But if you are not fulfilling A to D above its time to call them .
     
  4. MonikaSG

    MonikaSG Platinum IL'ite

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    If they are saving money then that money can help you too if the need arises.
     
  5. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    It is not right or wrong, but about situation.
    If you have saved responsibly for your future, emergencies etc , then there is no issue in sending.
    Better discuss with your husband what is an appropriate amount- he should not feel you are not concerned about your common future. If your husband is really fine, and your life is otherwise settled, then it's good to send money to parents if it gives you satisfaction.
    Best option is you save with yourself for common emergency-for you or your parents, instead of sending money. That way you will be able to plan correctly and have a proper idea about future planning. Or if your mother is saving for both the families, that's also fine. Basically that money should be available for your emergencies too if such a situation arises. If your understanding with your mother on financial matters is deep and honest, then there will be no issue. If that understanding is not there , better for you to take control.



     
  6. iamsrihere

    iamsrihere Platinum IL'ite

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    Why dont you start sending half of what you are sending now and tell them some reason like new expenses have popped up.In that case both of you might feel less uncomfortable.
     
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  7. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Saving for the children is more important than parents putting money in their savings. Specially when you can send them the money if they need since your spouse has no objection.

    Inform your parents that you are starting some new education fund for children and will be diverting some of the money there.

    Or

    You can tell them since they are not using the money and only keeping it in their bank getting low returns,you will invest in a better place and if they need money for future emergency ,you can send them.

    If the money is just lying in the bank and is in no way helping them lead a better life,then do not send every month.

    Reduce it to five % and invest the rest for your family. Or collect for 6 months and send them a lump sum every six months. A bigger amounts sent at one time gives more pleasure than smaller amount sent regularly.

    Or

    Another option is to not send money but get stuff done for them that actually improves their life instead of money lying in bank. Get them ACs ,or a new car or pay for a driver ,or get extra maid. Parents tend to scrounge and collect money instead of trying to live a better life. This way they will be forced to use the money.
    Your money spend on a maid or a driver will be money spent better than lying in bank.

    But do keep some emergency fund for them .

    Do you have other siblings?
     
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2018
  8. manjarimadhu

    manjarimadhu New IL'ite

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    Hi, Thank you so much DDream,SandyCandy,MonikaSG,nakshathra1,iamsreehere and yellowmango for all your valuable responses. Actually before I send little more and now I reduced little and sending them. I have one sister she is also in abroad(different country). she wont send money monthly but usually no hesitant to spend on them. I cannot say we are financially very well off even though we both are working. we are just leading normal life style. Also save some amount.

    My mom saves the money i send and also use some for me,sister or some other expenses.
    In my family, my husband manages all the financial matter. so I find it uncomfortable to explain him if I want to send any big money ( for ex, if they needed to give any gold to my sister as a tradition . he will be ok for medical expenses. but these he may resist)

    I think I am sending money mostly for my own satisfaction. I feel at least i did something. I always have that guilty feeling that I cannot able to take care them well. They are very alone in India as both sisters are outside. They did so much for us. How you guys manage it?

    Anyhow I think I have to reduce the amount considerably . Will take more time and execute it very slowly. Thank you so much ladies.
     
  9. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    See I think your husband is correct. You both are not rich and it is not correct that you have to send money for gifting gold to your sister.. Neither I think these traditions are correct that girl's parents are expected to give gold to daughters for patriarchal traditions which is all about exploiting the wife's family financially.
    As others suggested, reduce the amount you are sending, you yourself save for your parents' emergencies and healthcare etc , but no need to send money for luxurious gifts like gold. Either stop these traditions or give as per capacity. If your sister is modern working woman, let her buy her own gold, why do parents have to gift beyond their means..

     
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  10. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op..why do you girls let your parents gift you both gold. It is not fair for them to take money from you to gift gold to your sister.
    Please tell your parents that you both have enough given by them and you only want their love now and nothing else.

    Since your husband is taking care of finances and you feel a little hesitant to send money for ' other,' expenses....I would suggest you invest the money you are sending to parents(15 %) and keep it on your name so that you can control how much you send to them ,when and for what.

    While I do believe your parents using your money to gift you and your sister is wrong and you should not have to do that.....but you should have the right to decide the cause you are sending that money for.

    There are non medical expenses that you should be able to pay for with out feeling hesitant like a vacation or money for house repairs etc if required. That is why you should have control over the money you send .
     

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