Monkeying Around

Monkeying Around​

Today was a very interesting item in the papers, “ Starving Baboons by pass Car Tweets “

Seems in <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comffice:smarttags" /><st1:City><st1lace>London</st1lace></st1:City>, or nearabouts, Monkeys wait in trees. As a car parks, they wait for the Tweet Beep, which means the owner has locked the car, so they don’t go near it. Otherwise, they just go, and open the doors and help themselves to the goodies lying inside, while the owner watches helplessly from far.


But I tell u, Indian Monkeys are smarter. Mom went to Brindavan, and a monkey came down and snatched her specs and went away.Mom could not see, till a young fellow came and said Mataji, I will help u, and he whistled to the monkey, who came down and handed over the specs to him, mom gave him 10 bucks, but the guy said the rate is 100/- and mom settled for 50/-.


Jaipur ones are special too. When we had shifted to Jaipur, we used to dry our clothes on a wire in the Garden, the monkeys would come and steal the clothes, and go and drop them on the neighbours and their clothes would be swapped with us.


The neighbours would then go around with clothes asking each houseowner which clothes are theirs. But just imagine , what if the bringer of clothes is a male, and the clothes are your wife’s undergarments ! Well thanks to the monkeys, we neighbours became friends, and came to know the sizes of the ladies in the neighbourhood !


My friend had an interesting expierence. He stayed on the third floor, his cooler had gone for repairs and there was a gaping hole in the wall. His wife had gone to her mothers house. He slept, and when he turned over at night, sleepily he put his hand over his wife, and started to feel her here and there, as is the habit of men.


Suddenly he realized, her body is so hairy, while a few days back she had gone to the parlour, and then he woke up with a start, realizing his wife is not in town .He opened one eye, to see in horror, a huge monkey sleeping next to him on the bed. He ran out of the room, in or without anything I don’t know, the fastest 100 meters race he could have won in the Olympics, if he had participated !!! We stil rib him about it.


In this friends house, the monekys come from the terrace, and if the door is open , they come in the drawing room. They snatch babanans, open the fridge, take out cold mangoes and eat, while everyone is frozen still, and these guys then coolly walk away, a la Clint Eastwood.


A small kid was drinking milk from a bottle, the money comes, snatchs the bottle, opens the nipple, drinks the milk to the last drop, and then shoves the nipple in the kids mouth, while the elders dare not come in.what a movie that would have made if someone had captured it eh !


I was once playing with someone’s pet monkey, and the monkey bit me. I was advised to get the 14 injections, so I went to the <st1lace><st1laceName>Govt</st1laceName> <st1laceType>Hospital</st1laceType></st1lace>. It is the same injection given for the bites of Dog, Monkey, pig, Rat, and so on, as was written there.


It is the Govt Hospital , and I was made to lie down on the bed, there were two beds, I was on the second bed, the compounder brought out a huge injection, u sed for giving injections to Horses, filled in, while I watched in horror, as he poked it in the patient in the neighbouring bed, an old man infested with all sorts of diseases, who yelled bringing the house down.


And then the compunder comes, smiles his devilish smile at me, and before I can realize, he had poked the same injection in my tummy, he did not even change the needle.Seems they fill a double dose in the injections, those days, the disposable ones had not yet been invented.


Then the fellow tells me, sir u look different, why come here, I will come to yr house, and the 13 injections were delivered at home, while he told us to boil the injections for an hour, while at the hospital , they were very casual about it.


I was very worried the old man may have passed on so many diseases to me, but luckily I survived them to live to tell the tale.


And I guess we men are like monkeys too, However old we get , we still monkey around eh ! And I am like one too, very mischevious, and naughty, though I don’t steal people’s clothes, but my antics make u all laugh, just as a monkey does.


So if I don’t get good comments, I swear I will become a monkey in my next birth and come to yr home and steal/ take away yr clothes, under and outer, or wear the undies and dance on yr car, as they show in the Ads for Amul undies, or whatever undies !!!


Undies apki, faisla aapka.Jago Grahak Jago !!!


KAMAL MAHTANI



Best Pick up line ever

Boy – Is your name Google ?
Girl – No , why ?
Boy – Because u have everything I am searching for !




Who started the concept of 5 days of work, and two days off ?

Guess ?


Draupadi ( Panchali )




Santa – Yesterday I saved a girl from getting raped
Banta – How ?
Santa – Self Control yaar, Self Control !!!




Great people like us work on the principle of Rockets
Not that we Aim for the Skies,
But we don’t start performing,
Till our Asses are on fire !!!




During an MBBS exam , one question was asked.
When a girl gets unconscious, what will u feel of her

The hint was given as PU-S –

Those who wrote PULSE became doctors, and the others became Salesmen !

 

Dear Sis,

Thanks for giving the first FB, thank u so much, i wont come and trouble u .HAHA

REgards

kamal

 

Testing Testing testing

 

Dear Meenu,

See my threat worked, bananas are so expensive, so better to give a comment.HAHA

Well i dont have a coptright over the threats as yet, so till i get one, u can use it .:biglaugh

that fellow in Brindavan, they trains monkeys to steal just specs, ingenious eh ! Mom never wears them when she goes out to market there, sshe learnt her lessons.HAHA

When she told me this years back, we brothers could not stop laughing, brilliant training eh !

Thanks for the kidn words, yesterday there was just one comment in 12 hours, so i was wondering if anything was wrong with my blog, now u have dispelled the notion.

Thanks a ton.

Regards

kamal

 

Dear Ganges,

Where did u disappear all these days ? No wonder indus was so loney without u, yr comments and yr blogs, and i was always one comment short.Welcome back.

Well just imagine me with undergarments, going house to house, to ask if they belong to yr wife, HAHA

When Sita was younger daughter was born, she used to sit on the Swing in the lawns, my mother, used to warn me that monekys take away children, so be careful, and we used to have a swarm of 50 monkeys coming at a time, all over the neighbourhood.

Your sister thing si damn funny, walking away with the monkey eh ! HAHA

No wonder u rib her about it. Maybe it was her husband from the past life, who knows Ganges:biglaugh

thanks for the wonderful FB.i am honoured,.REgards

kamal

 

Dear Tashi,

Now that is something what u said, monkeys ripping of antanes and mirrors eh.And even ripping of the rubber of the windscreen.

But they are cute basically, very childish and impish, always fullof mischeif.

You could have made this into a lovely blog in itself, so much information and humour.Thank me for bring out the best in you.HAHAHAHAHAHA

Thanks a ton, and keep coming .

Regards

kamal