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Moneyminded DH & ILs

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by ayeshanaaz, Mar 8, 2014.

  1. ayeshanaaz

    ayeshanaaz Junior IL'ite

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    Hi All,

    I have few issues of mine an wanna share this with all of u and seek ur advice in taking a right decision.

    I am 32 married for 9yrs and have 2 sons 7 & 3. I am working and was wworking when i got married (love marraige). When i got marroed DH told me u support me for 1 yrs after that i will take care of all house expenses. But now even after 9yrs I am still working and taking care of all house xpenses. My husband was initially working, but later he got this cusioning from my earnings and is so confident on my manegerial skills that he has now become lazy and reluctant to take some serious earnings.

    Everybody in his family and my family praise me for my contribution in bring my ILs standard high. they were like very lower middle class and I have strived that now we can be counted in upper middleclass lifestyle. I thank god for this. everybody knows this as I have only earned and made this possible. My husband is always dreaming of big big businesses and I have to finance his businesses, apart from taking care of his family (mother and 2 kids and also his sis with 2 kids keep coming and stayin g too often in my house).

    Slowly I realized that my husband has become a parasite on my earnings. he keeps sitching bussinesses. and each bussiness he looses my money. When i refuse to finance him , mother n son call me selfish, money minded not supporting husband, will go to hell, silent treatment and what not. If none of the things work my husband will give me emotional torture telling he will commit suicide like his father (his father died consuming poison due to some property issues when my husband was 10yr old). Many times I gave in to this emotional torture. and kept on finncing his, taking care of all home needs from rent to grocery to school fees and entertainment expenses. even clothes for him and MIL and even jewellery for my MIL as she was taking care of my kids when I am out for work.

    My MIL is one big time torturer. always praising her useless son and always giving an impression to everybody (family , friend & even neighbours ) that my son is doing everything and DIL is career minded and wont leave the job even when v r self suffoicient. heartless mother leaves her kids with me an goes for work. having affair in office, bad parents and so on n on. I need one full day to describe her dirty mind and character, which i think will be a waste of mine & ur time.

    From past 9 yrs I have single handedly managed everything, now enough is enough I gave him strict warning either take care of the house or i will take my kids n go, after that u earn n take care of ur mother. from that day my life has become hell. till i was silently taking care of everything i was a good dil, now suddenly I am this develish woman who is moneyminded, career minded and bad character also.

    One of the fights my husband picked the holy book and sweared on that he HATES ME and only staying with me bcoz I am taking care of the house... can u belive that... i am giving his daily food .. an dhe hates me ... for wat??? bcoz I work nd financed him for all his failures. he is accusing me of spoiling him and making him dependent on him. U wanted me to be a dog to u so u gave money and made me weak?? I cant believe wat I just heard from his mouth.

    I have decided I am taking a divorce , and take my kids with me. I need not put up with this sick man. who cant give one rupee for the family n keeps on threatening me he will commit suicide.I am fed up of his suicide drama... his mothers wickedness and his sisters interference. Y shud i put up with all this when i can live peacefully with my kids alone. I will keep a full time maid for kids and my income is more than sufficient for me n my kids. Atleast i dont have to feed 2 grown up parasites and dont have to finance his useless bussiness ventures every 2yrs.

    please advice whether I am correct. Or shud I just stay seperate from both of them and let him come visit play with kids n go. instead of divorcing we can just be with each other (offcourse in seperate homes) for the sake of kids. as he loves his kids too much. only bad thing is he thinks I am his father not wife, who has to feed him and finance him.

    please ladies give me sane advice..
     
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  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Go for trial separation before thinking about divorce.
    Move out with kids and make a new home. Cut him completely financially.Let him find his own feet and learn to take care of himself and his mother.Show him how happy you all are in your new life.
    Let him come home and meet the children...let him have glimpses of the happy life he had and lost.

    When he is ready to take responsibility,let him know how he and his mom have to respect you and appreciate your role in their life.Tell them what you expect for a family life. Tell him you will contribute half half for household expenses. He can use the other half for his silly business ideas and you will save your half for your future.
     
    3 people like this.
  3. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Reading the subject and the first few paragraphs I thought you were just a bit frustrated. However reading about the emotional abuse you have been put through makes me agree with you, dear.

    You don't need these two people in your life. Your children especially must not be with these back-biting people. They are not infants who are yet to understand anything, and you do not want your children in this toxic atmosphere where they think this kind of abuse is normal. What more, you don't want your children turning against you - since your abusers spend more time with them, the prejudice would set in rather soon. (I am sorry but I find it difficult to understand how he can be a good father when he is setting such a terrible example)

    I sincerely hope you have a support network in place - your family/ friends who can help you through with the logistics. My wishes and prayers are with you.

    good luck,
    G
     
  4. ayeshanaaz

    ayeshanaaz Junior IL'ite

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    Dear All,

    Thankyou for your support, I am badly in need of it.

    I have slowly started giving him the dose that I will be leaving very soon. He is trying to threaten that he wont give the kids to me. as that is the only weapon he has against me. I told him bluntly OK u keep the kids (while my heart was crying inside). I know he cant manage the kids expenses (plus next month school admissions will start how will he pay).

    Let me see , am giving an impression , if u want u keep the kids. so that he shud not use it against me. He shud himself handover the kids to me.

    I have started looking for a 1BHK and a maid, Once I get it. I am done. No more putting up with these greedy people.

    Thanks u all for the support. Will keep u updated further.
     

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