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Mom spending huge amounts for Avani Avattam & other TN rituals help pls

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by rsk11584, Aug 24, 2010.

  1. rsk11584

    rsk11584 Silver IL'ite

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    Hello Ladies,

    Somethings are going in my house and I want to take your advice / view point on this. One warning I have the habit of writing long posts and as my typing speed is good I keep on explaining in detail, so be ready to read the full post.


    First introduction about me we are brahmin TN Iyer family and I am a guy, 25 yr old guy, because of my dads service we lived in Aurangabad all my childhood till 25 years, so am not aware of chennai culture / TN cultures. As I was all born and bought up in Maharashtra, I was bought up in that culture, in that culture you are not required to be over BHAKT, and in Chennai I observed that people are too much into god and these rituals, but my principle is even if you dont pray to god its ok, but dont hurt humans and animals, that autowala in chennai will smear ash on forehead and be pious but will go on cheating passengers this is what happens in Chennai, dont know whether this type of prayer will help such people or not.


    Because of personal problems and as my dad had retired and then expired, we sold our house at aurangabad and came to our hometown Chennai, and bought flat and settled here, as all relatives are near and my mom also old. Now in Aurangabad, as the rituals related to god were followed less my mom was normal, now after comming to chennai, she too started all these things, actually before coming to Aurangabad she had been in TN itself, out of her 69 yrs 30 yrs were in TN and 30 in Aurangabad and now again she is in TN, so she knows tamil culture etc. I dont know anything about culture, ritual etc. etc so my sister, she also dont know anything, and she is in US now working.

    The belief of my mom is bothering me a lot, she keeps on sending the horoscope of my sis to astrologers for advice each time 150 - 200 Rs goes, this is ok, but now some close friend told about one very expert astrologer who is in coimbatore and she forced me to send him 22000 for a special pooja to be done, so that my sisters marriage happens soon, now this is too much sending money to some person who is far away just because for someone it worked is foolishness. But now she too had been colored in Chennai peoples color. Following this ritual that ritual and forcing me to do this and that,today also there is some ritual of taking new poonal, but I am not interested in it, because right from childhood I was not imbibed with these values, and praying customs so these are new to me and useless / of no use giving a pujari thousands for this is waste according to me, and in chennai these pundits exploit the belief of people, during many rituals I observed, that the pundit will be on phone do quickly , telll some mantras for some time, and take dakshina and escape,. in May 2010 my uncle had expired suddenly and one trust which does the 10,11,12 day functions charged around 45000 for the rituals, the same was done for my dad at aurangabad for 3500 three years back, now is there anywhere written that if you spend 45000 then only the aatma will get peace, and if you spend 3500 the aatma will nto get peace, I dont know how come my aunt agreed and paid the money to the pundits, ,
    one pundit comes to our home and when enquired wit him about his family he told his daughter did love marriage and he agreed, now a pundit is supposed to be high people, and pure people, but if pundits family like this then whats use of praying to god through them, why not directly ourself pray to god. THat will be direct connection and not through some agent (the pundit). Even my poonal ritual was not done in my childhood it was done 1 yr after my dad expired. So for a person like me, its hard to accept what these people do for the ritual, tradition, and I am not game for this.

    Many times I have tried to make my mom understand about this, but she is not ready to leave this. Any advice . I just live a normal life, and only in times of distress pray to god, apart from that I never pray it just does not click in my mind.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 24, 2010
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  2. rose8282

    rose8282 Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: Avani Avattam & other TN rituals help pls

    45000??Thats too much money...just put your foot down..tell mom ''NO!!'' I dont know what else to say.You just have to talk some sense.Maybe she feels insecure and disturbed now.So support her emotionally..tell her in a nice way that you cant afford it and not needed.
     
  3. rsk11584

    rsk11584 Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Avani Avattam & other TN rituals help pls


    That 45000 was paid by my aunt for my uncles death function 10,11,12 day,, but I revolted strongly against my mom when she forced me to send 22K to the astrologer as he claimed to make things good.

    now my same aunt had sent her childs horoscope to the astrologer and he told that someone has done black magic on the child, such weird people in TN still believe in all these, and he told it will take about 16K to make it right :crazy:crazy
     
  4. prss

    prss Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Avani Avattam & other TN rituals help pls

    hi RSK,

    Its not about Chennai or Mumbai or Aurangabad.....astrologers are available everywhere in India...... its just that your family has been caught by some money minded guy...... who is trying to earn a lot of money....
    I am from Chennai, born and brought up there......... but my family visits temples only very rarely....... we dont follow rituals ...... we dont pray etc......... we beleive in doing good deeds, rather than praying......
    So, what I am trying to say is, its not about the place...... its just people's state of mind........
    your mom is worried about your sister's marriage and thats why she is getting an astrologer's advice......... why dont you talk to your sister and help your mom to find a good groom for sis?
    Support your mom emotionally. tell her that you will take care.

    and, about, the priest that you mentioned.........
    if the priest had accepted his daughter's love marriage, then, that is something that we should appreciate...........
    when I read your post, I was so happy that you are so rational, but when I read those lines on the priest and his daughter's marriage, I was so disappointed.........I was wondering whether you were being rational or worried only about spending money.........
    Am sorry if I sounded harsh, but thats what I felt on reading the last few sentences of your post (abt the priest's daugter's marriage)....
     
  5. rsk11584

    rsk11584 Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Avani Avattam & other TN rituals help pls

    No PRSS actually some god fearing people like my mom and others respect priests a lot I dont even give a heck to those fraud priests who try to make money, if you ask any elder they will describe the qualities of priest, as a pious and serene person. It is good he approved his daughters love marriage but he should stop his job of this going to places and chanting some mantra and exhorting money. Its a double standard thing, I dont know whether you understood my point or not.
     
  6. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: Avani Avattam & other TN rituals help pls

    rsk,

    I refrained from writing here not because i did not understand but i try to stand aside in the war of these rituals.

    then what did really prompt me to reply here.

    Well this part. why is it that we have so much expectation from a priest/gurukul or shastrigal. when you as a brahmin, feel you can forego wearing a poonool and reduce the ritual, why can't a priest move forward and accept his daughter's love marriage. as long as he is able to do his duty fine..that is if he is doing his mantra ucharanam, homam well why are you bothered about what is happening in his personal life.

    I am a brahmin by marriage i respect the rituals. i never say all priests are money minded. yes they are exploiting the situations. i know of priest who come in innova.. and there are some who still do not get enough to make both ends meet.

    I believe it was us the people who made them exploit us. we wanted all the loop holes and alternatives..for example we condensed the 13 day ceremony into 11,12,13 to accomodate our work pressure and things.
    the list goes on.


    i am not sure what was done in aurangabad..for 3500. but i have cousins who were from there later moved on to bombay and still respect and do all the rituals..

    the we paid 1 lac for 13 days of ceremony in our family. you can do it for 10k or for 3lacs..it is according to your affordability. and most of our elders are so emotionally greiving that they want to do everything well for the departed soul.

    it is not just in this..there are people who spend so many lacs just for the last journey with flowers, crackers and things..

    spending 22k for some pariharam is a different issue than the one your aunt spending 45k for the rituals for her departed husband.
     
  7. ArchanaP

    ArchanaP Silver IL'ite

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    rsk,

    Exploitation in the name of god and rituals is really bad and you need to confront that but what happens in his daughters life shouldn't be a matter. His daughter did not do anything out of legal boundaries.

    Coming to your Mom's spending on rituals, yes, few people spend a fortune on such things innocently hoping for good returns especially for their children/family. When you can't afford it, just politely let her know that it's out of your budget, thank her for her concern and assure her that good things will definitely happen. You need to patient towards your mom and explain her calmly. Just fix an amount for such expenditures and let her know that, this is all the money you can afford every month. What's your sister's say in this? Does she stand by you and if so did she have a talk with your mom?

    Your mom's intentions are good. So be little patient with her in explaining things. Handle the situation tactfully rather than emotionally so that nobody gets hurt in the process.
    God bless your family.
     
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2010
  8. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Looks like your mom is in emotional stress without your father and worried about her daugther marraige.Why don't you find some one which suits to your budget and introduce to your mom .Find a good reasonable pundit and introduce to your mom .That way she beleive and live in peace until she get adjusted to the environement without your father.
     
  9. sruthi1981

    sruthi1981 Junior IL'ite

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    She is worrying about her daughter's marriage. how she can do with out her husband. you should be understanding to her feelings. after all she has bore all your expense and all your mischeif growing. now its your turn. you should be patient. that means you dont have to pay for all those. you can tell her you beleive but dont have money for that. she will understand. first you should approach marriage beuraeu and look for alliances for your sister rigorously. but do not hurry, because it is her life issue.
     
  10. Priya_Mommy

    Priya_Mommy Gold IL'ite

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    OMG, your mom is getting exploited and influenced by the relatives itseems.
    Better you shift the residence or let your mom know about the value of money or show the true colors of pundits who is coming to your house.
    INstead of spending thousands of rupees on this stuff, better to give for charity.
     

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