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MOM/MIL working and you a homemaker??

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by mithy232, Mar 19, 2010.

  1. mithy232

    mithy232 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi all,

    I want to know if there is anyone whose mom or mother-in-law is working and you prefer to be home maker. If so, surely mom or MIL will keep insisting you to work. What do you feel about it??

    Share your thoughts here....just want to know.... :wink:
     
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  2. Tara09

    Tara09 New IL'ite

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    This is not about me but someone I have come across.

    The director of my previous organization is a 70yr old white American lady, we would call her 70yr young lady because really her age doesn't show, she looks like she is in late 50s or so.

    Anyway, her daughter will be in her 30s and I always wondered why her daughter does not work since mom is a typical career woman, how come daughter is not? The daughter has kids 4 and 7school going kids.

    One time we had a party at our work place and unexpectedly this conversation came up. There was an opening at our place and someone asked her (daughter) if she would be interested in. Of course! Her mom would have pushed her in if she said yes.

    But she said she prefers to be a home maker as long as possible.

    So, I think it is each one's preference and also convenience. Also, most importantly each one's PRIORITIES in life.
     
  3. Ansuya

    Ansuya Platinum IL'ite

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    Mithy, my mother works and has done so for most of her life. I am currently on an H4 visa in the US, and so obviously I am not working right now. However, even if I had a choice, I would choose to be a stay-at-home wife and mother, because that is what I find most fulfilling at this time in my life. I love spending all my time with my baby, and I enjoy giving my husband my undivided attention.

    This may change further down the line, but for now, it's an arrangement that suits all of us perfectly. Neither my mother, nor my MIL (in India - she doesn't work for income, but is very involved in charity work that takes her away from home for weeks at a time) has ever put pressure on me to take a job (or do anything else) at any time. Generally, they don't tell my husband and me what to do, nor do they offer unsolicited advice when it comes to major life decisions.

    I wouldn't have it any other way, either; no one can really prescribe to me a magic formula for my own happiness, not even my own mother. I think Tara has it exactly right when she says it's a matter of individual priorities.

    I am curious as to why you say

    Has this been your experience?
     
  4. Tara09

    Tara09 New IL'ite

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    Yeah, Mithy, Like Anasuya even I am curious to know why you say so.
    If it is right, then please think over it and do what you think is right and do not succumb to pressure from either mom or mil.

    I will tell you about myself. When my mom came to visit us she felt that kids going to day-care for the whole day was sheer negligence by parents. .
    My dh contributes more to housework than me and that is the TRUTH. He does inspite of his busy work schedule. I am still figuring out how someone can have such patience. I admit I am lazy only when it comes to house work. My mom could not tolerate my dh doing housework and attending to kids. She insisted I take up part-time.

    So, I listened to my mom and opted for part-time in my company. It was part-time for namesake. Though the team members did not bother me but I could not stay calm at home. Every now and then I will call them for updates, my computer will always be on and most of the time I am on it. I never did any housework though I was at home.
    After some days, it did not make any sense working part-time. I went back to FT . But that is ME.
    It seems my team members had a bet that I would get back to FT in no time. If my mom would have stayed permanently with us and if I was forced to follow her advise, I bet I would have landed at a mental hospital by now.

    So, always do what you think will keep you at peace. No one knows you better than yourself.
     
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2010
  5. neha1

    neha1 Silver IL'ite

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    In my case my mom and MIL both work in India and have steady jobs/careers as well.
    I too am(was???:hide:) pretty career oriented since my dad somehow put the thought in my head that ' you should work , you should work !!' It is thus always in my head. Earlier i used to regret the fact that I am not working so much. I even remember how much time I wasted in brooding over this. I really don't care about work now. I am enjoying myself by takingcare of my husband. I do everything in the house like grocery shopping,paying utility bills and all other such jobs ;-).
    However, if we move to india I will definitely work full-time as double income is almost the norm there in metro cities. Right now I am not working because of my work permit status in USA. If I get a work permit or move to a country where I am allowed to work I will surely work part-time.
     
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2010
  6. mithy232

    mithy232 Silver IL'ite

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    Actually I am in a different situation. Not yet married but I am engaged. My mom is working and I prefer to be a home maker. All my maternal relatives work [from last 2 generations] and I will be the first person who prefer to be a home maker. You can understand how much people will oppose me and criticize me.

    My mom said..."you are my daughter, from where from you got this thought." I don't know may be from my dad's side. :wink: My mom can never cook properly or do any household work but I love to do all such things. She excels in her work where I will mess up things. We are two different characters and daily we end up arguing on this issue. Home maker Vs Working women and my brother would be the referee :biglaugh

    My future MIL is a homemaker and she is actually worried that I will go for work and will leave her son uncared. :)

    Tara,
    I am really surprised to see an American women staying at home. Do they prefer to be homemakers???? I thought that is part of Indian tradition.
     
  7. Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    Mithy,

    I was sinfully a career oriented woman. Like Tara mentioned, I too can recall how I was madly and emotionally attached with my career, that I couldn't sit at home peacefully while I was on leave.

    I took one month leave during my wedding time... I was so busy at that time with the wedding arrangements, but I couldn't simply rest even for 5 minutes without checking my office e mails. I worked almost daily from home, delegated duties to my staff, and listened to office matters (including goissips) over the phone... So, my mind was really at the office though I was awaiting for the big day of my life.

    I remember, I was checking my mails even when I was in the honemoon:(
    I was kind of addicted to my career.

    But now I have changed. I was able to set my priorities based on the time and phase of my life.
    I realised that my career adds nothing, but more issues to my marriage life due to the distanced relationship. Also I started to feel that I was missing a wonderful phase of my life due to this passion of career. Hence, I have resigned and moved back to home as a home maker for now. I feel it is so good to be a home maker......
    This time, I was able to detach my emotions from my career and focus on my marriage life.

    But I will definitely continue my career after sometimes when things get settled in my marriage.

    It is all upto you and your spouse. You both should discuss and set your priorities...
     
  8. neha1

    neha1 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi mithy,
    I think it is not part of Indian culture alone. I have seen a lot of home makers(non-indians) in my neighborhood. The women would have given up careers just for family. Infact I think many americans value family life more than indians. Ofcourse, some do get back to work later and some give up career forever.

    Good to know that you are satisified in being a home maker:thumbsup. Many times, we are unable to choose between personal life and career and this causes unwanted tensions for us:hide:.
    Good luck!
     
  9. BeeAmma

    BeeAmma Silver IL'ite

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    I know quite a few a American women that have wound down their careers after having children. Also know of a Japanese woman that went to an Ivy league school and decide to be a stay-at-home mom. Also have an Indian friend whose mom and mil are/were career women and she prefers to be a stay-at-home mom.

    Bottomline, you should do what seems right to you guys as a couple.
     
  10. Priya_Mommy

    Priya_Mommy Gold IL'ite

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    Mithy,
    Good debate point! Any women who are used to work for years, may not sit silent at home. I am also paretty career oriented women, even worked till two days before my due date. Its just fact of life and we need to set priorities in life and career though adds lot of value and identity to yourself, but nothing much to you personally or emotionally.
    Now, I know how to manage things, how to delegate and how to extract work.
    Right balancing may not be possible always due to stringent timelines but try out!!!Never leave career for any good sake, rather try to work on alternatives.
     

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