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Modifying The Arranged Marriage Model

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rihana, Oct 1, 2018.

  1. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    My good friend Rag almost forbade me from more pondering in another thread, but the mind maange more. :grinning: Wants more. Pondering.

    After reading all the threads about promises of "we are modern, liberal" etc. made before wedding and merrily broken after, I often wonder why the arranged-marriage planet did not device their own version of the "live together" phase before the actual wedding.

    Instead of how they do it in the west (i.e., boy-girl live together), we could have girl-future-MIL live together and see how that works out. If that doesn't work out, they can go their separate ways, and no taboo would be broken. This could work out rather well in India for working girls. The girl would move out of her working-woman's hostel, rent a flat, and her proposed MIL would move in with her and share the rent. After six months, then MIL-1 would leave, and a new proposed-MIL-2 would enter under the same arrangement. After the short-listed MIL's have all had their experience, one of them will be chosen for the real life.

    Momma's boys should like this scheme, because the wife would already come totally housebroken. And there'd be no problems that would put him in the middle.

    In business school analogy, this would be lease-to-buy. :sunglasses: Am I up to something? :smirk: Time to block some domain names? :cool:
    .
     
    Last edited: Oct 1, 2018
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  2. beautifullife30

    beautifullife30 Platinum IL'ite

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  3. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    I am thinking of our local sunday edition of The Hindu. The father sits in his cane chair in the hall-foyer, and opens the classifieds page... A column for pre-saas and another for pre-bahu, one advertising looking for bahu-mate and another advertising looking for saas-mate, with "particulars" and conditions.

    Father scans the advert's and calls into the house: "...oooyee Sachoo, your advertisement has come.. I didn't know you are kind, patient, and a good cook. " the Lady of the home will come out, grab the paper from him and look at the ad'.... just to make sure it was all printed right.

    There is much to imagine and laugh. :thumbsup::clapclap:
     
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  4. kcb

    kcb IL Hall of Fame

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    If this culture (girl & future MIL live in together) starts, then it's 100% guaranteed no marriages will happen on this earth :)
     
  5. ragnarok

    ragnarok Senior IL'ite

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    Time to block your maange more mind :)
    How in Ouroboros can I get you busy with other things? hmm....

    @Ouroboros - incase you wonder/ponder (How on Venus, I meant to write, but substituted just for spezial effects purpose :) )
     
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  6. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    This is a non-starter. Potential DIL must cook, clean and finance the family.

    Can we have x-rays of the groom-to-be so we can confirm he has a spine?

    Many problems would vanish if we married men instead of boys.
    .
     
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  7. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes; this is so true. When the age difference between the "man" and the "girl" is large, and/or if it is his second, there are different problems, but not the usual ones.

    The Saas-Bahu probationary scheme is a novelty that is bound to be poo-pooh'd like any other new business venture. It would take time to get rooted in the culture. Just like the transition from word-of-mouth, brokers, horoscope-x-changes, The Hindu classifieds, to BharatMatridotcom.

    The living together, no-commitment-to-buy scheme can afford the future DIL to dry-run the future scheme. She goes to work, MIL packs her lunch, and makes dinner in the afternoon (while watching Saas-Bahu serials on TV), and occasionally on weekends they go to movies together. Much conversation on the matters of "what is" and "what should be" could happen in the few months they are doing this.

    The major danger of this would be the older lady may want to hook up with another MIL-probationer-trainee and find a flat together and leave her old man, the fellow waiting at home, high-and-dry.

    If it is not one thing, it is another.


     
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  8. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    X-rays not needed. Too much radiation .
    A guy that is man enough to ask the potential wife out on a date 3 out of 4 times he drops in to say hi to mom + potentional wife is good. If he steals a kiss even better. 1 out of 4 is reserved for a Bollywood movie all three go together .





     
  9. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    Actually, @Rihana - this concept is not new. My great grandmother already attempted it, with a slight variation :laughing::laughing:.

    My grand ma was only 6 years old, when she got married to grandpa! This was in early 1930s! She had to prove herself as the worthy DIL, and trained to run the household. :(:(:(

    Now it is illegal !!
     
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  10. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    Your 6yr. old grandma actually moved and lived with her MIL ? That is unusual. In such marriages of the previous centuries, the married girl would continue to live at home, sometimes remembering her wedding day as some confusing festival she couldn't understand much, until she reached menarche, and after that, depending on her own parents' circumstances, and the in-laws convenience to receive her, she would be ceremoniously sent off to the in-laws' house. That is the time when the girl's schooling also stops. In slightly affluent homes of girls, the parents would consult a midwife to make sure that the girl is ready for the rigors of a married life, before she is taken to the in-laws. They could always get an astrologer to figure out an auspicious date that is conveniently at a suitable longer timeframe. Sometimes even the boy's parents might delay receiving the girl, because the boy has to focus on his school final exams, and not get lost in his new discoveries.

    Your grandma's experience is rather unique. However,

    Rihana's notions may have come from what has been stewing inside for a long time. The following is an excerpt from a programmed advisory post for girls contemplating a married life in a collective family. It is divided into three sections:
    • before the marriage,
    • during the wedding ceremony, and
    • life in the marriage.
    Before marriage:
    1. Get an education that will make you financially independent.
    2. Live away from parents for at least 1-3 years before marriage. Not in a hostel or as a paying guest. Live with roommates or alone so you learn how to live independently without daily parental support.
    This applies both to men and women. Men will be less of mama’s boys and women will be less dependent on parents for everything. You should be responsible for all aspects of your life in this time – money, cooking, house care, social life… everything.

    The MIL-candidate probationary room-mate scheme is but a simple variation of the item 2 in the plan.

    The rest of that post must be a required reading for any girl contemplating giving the cohabiting with pre-MIL-candidate a trial run. And for girls who go the traditional route.
     
    Last edited: Oct 2, 2018
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